...Sabotage???

I just have to wonder why some people, who I love dearly, try to sabotage my weight loss efforts???

Yes, I had to pay homage to the great Beastie Boys...

In all seriousness, I have to wonder why people who supposedly love me and are supposed to support me try to thwart my efforts.

"You should pull your shirt down, you can still see your stomach." ~ Well, DUH...I did not gain this stomach overnight.  This stomach has been up and down and has housed my dear son.  It has been stretched to it's limit.  I am sorry that it did not disappear like magic.  Poof!!! It's gone.  I am also sorry that, while trying to balance my oversized purse, son's backpack and two presents...while trying to remove my jacket you may have seen a tiny bit of flesh.

"20 lbs???  That's it???" ~ Ummm...have you seen what 20 lbs looks like???  I did a Google search and learned that 20 lbs of quarters equals $400.  Hello.  80 quarters = one pound.  80 quarters x 20 lbs lost = 1600 quarters.  4 quarters in a dollar / 1600 quarters = $400.  Take that one to the bank.

Those are just a couple of the things that have had me thinking lately.  I am stronger than that.  I am going to overcome the negativitiy (sp???).  I am going to beat this demon.  I am going to win. 

I know these people love me, but I have to figure out why they can't handle my weight loss.  Are they comfortable with who I am???  Because I certainly am not.

Love to all...

...Monday Fun With Music Day...

Okay...my latest idea (me...bipolar???  NEVER)...

I used to love the Mickey Mouse Club when I was little...not that cheesey 70's version (okay...so I really loved that one, too) or the nineties Britney-Christina-Justin incarnation (okay...so I liked that one a lot, though I wouldn't admit it because I was too "old" to be watching MMC).  I LOVED the same Mickey Mouse Club that my parents grew up watching. My father tells me stories of how he used to watch Disneyland on TV, and how he dreamed of "visiting Mr. Walt Disney's Park".  I just love how he refers to Walt Disneyas "mister".  :)  Daddy hasn't visited Disneyland...YET.  He has been to Walt Disney World many, many, many times.  We'll get him (and me) there one day.

I digress.

Anyway, I loved the old school Mickey Mouse Club...Annette and Cubby and Jimmie Dodd.  Every incarnation that I can remember has had "theme" days.  Well, that is what I am going to do.  Use the OLD school days of the week theming for my blog.  OF COURSE, I will still be blogging about everyday life...as boring as it can be.  This is just a Monday-Friday "bonus".

Monday - Fun With Music
Tuesday - Guest Star Day
Wednesday - Anything Can Happen Day
Thursday - Circus Day
Friday - Talent Round-Up Day

Still trying to figure out how I am going to incorporate some of these themes...but I am determined. 

Today's Theme...Fun With Music...

I worked out this morning!!!  Whoo-hoo!!!  Worked out 35 minutes on the recumbent bike and 20 on the treadmill.  Here was my randomly shuffled playlist...

1) It's Not My Time ~ 3 Doors Down
2) Brand New Lover ~ Dead or Alive
3) Goo Goo Dolls ~ Let Love In
4) Pearl Jam ~ Even Flow
5) Foo Fighters ~ Learn to Fly
6) Depeche Mode ~ I Just Can't Get Enought
7) Nitzer Ebb ~ Murderous
8) Rhianna ~ Disturbia
9) Aerosmith ~ Sweet Emotion
10) Erasure ~ Chains of Love
11) The Cure ~ Close to Me
12) Metallica ~ Enter Sandman
13) Rob Zombie ~ Never Gonna Stop
14) The Red Hot Chili Peppers ~ Higher Ground

Again, I have crazy taste in music...but thought I'd share!!!

Shuffle-Along-Sunday

...had a busy day today...so this is gonna be short and sweet. '

I am gonna put my mp3 on shuffle and see what comes up...this should show you just how diverse my musical tastes are...AND show you how much my Dear Son influences my life...

1) Panic! At The Disco, A Fever You Can't Sweat Out

2)The Wiggles, Rock-A-Bye Your Bear (seriously)

3) Sheryl Crow, Soak Up the Sun

4) Theory of A Deadman, Not Meant to Be

5) Ministry, Revenge

6) Psychedellic Furs, Heartbreak Beat

7) The Raconteurs, Steady As She Goes

8) The Smiths, How Soon Is Now

9) Justin Timberlake, Rock Your Body

10) Jet Black Stare, Ready to Roll

...kind of a boring shuffle tonight...but that's how I roll...  :)

Love to All...

...Free Stuff...seriously, it is SO out there...

Okay...I am loving all of the discoveries that I am making here on the internet, mainly via Facebook and Twitter...about blogs for free stuff.  FREE STUFF!!!  Discounted stuff, coupon deals, etc.  I was never much for coupon clipping, but I work with three women who are almost fanatical about getting the best bargain they can...I was quite skeptical at first...but these women are showing me the way of the price match, the coupon doubling and rebate redeeming.

My dear online friend, RoraBorieAlice introduced me to the site http://www.alice.com/  I have not ordered anything...yet.  Though I am fascinated by it...she says the deals are incredible.  I believe she did a blog post about it...yes, she did.  I found it..http://auroraboriealice.blogspot.com/2009/11/great-deals.html.  The only reason I have yet to try Alice.com is because we are pretty big Costco/Sams shoppers...so we do a major stock-up (MAJOR) probably four times a year...touch ups every couple of months and all we have to do is supplement the fresh stuff...so I don't have to stock up on much yet...I can't wait to try it out when I need to stock up!!!

I follow a blog, http://www.freebies4mom.com/  I found this via a friend that I worked at Walt Disney World with...she found it via Facebook.  I would definitely become a fan of freebies4mom on Facebook...she posts the BEST deals around, and updates them often.  I just ordered 60 4x8 custom photo cards from http://www.seehere.com/ by FujiFilm.  The offer was for 50 free cards, just pay $3.19 (plus tax) for shipping.  The website offered free shipping on 60 cards (cost for additional 10 cards was $4.90 plus tax).  I was able to make it with four photos and able to choose text and color and font of my message.  I ordered them Thursday evening, and they shipped Friday afternoon!!!  AWESOME!!!  As soon as I get them, I will take a pic and post it.

Today in the mail, I got a free GeoTrax DVD from Fisher-Price...it is going to make a great stocking stuffer for Little Man!!!

The whole reason why I got this blog going this evening...when I was on my lunch break at work yesterday, I checked my Facebook updates via my phone (can't access from work ~ boo).  Heather at http://www.freebies4mom.com/ posted a comment on Facebook yesterday that caught my attention.  A FREE 8x10 photo collage from Walgreens.  When I got home I investigated it further...it was NOT too good to be true!!!

I downloaded the photo albumsfrom Little Man's recent trip to WDW with Grandma Nana and Papa.  I made two collages, one under my email and one under Mike's email.  I am so proud of my free "purchases".  I had to share!!!  This was a one-day only thing...but keep checking...Heather does a great job at getting the best deals around!!  Sorry for the quality of the photos...there is a glare from the collages...now I need to find some free frames!!!

...November???

This is just a quick update...have not been blogging for a few days, with the holiday and getting back into the swing of things at work (ugh).

Making lots of grownup decisions this week.

Heck, it is 71 degrees out and it is November 29th...I am outta here for awhile...

More later!!!

Love to all...

...Wordless Wednesday...

Happy Early Thanksgiving, friends!!!

did a not-a-morning-person become a morning person???

Ummm...no, not really...I am just a morning person today.  Yeah, not thinking that is going to happen much again.  DH had to be at work at the ungodly hour of 530...so we both set alarms to start going off at 4, thinking that he would wake up at 445 at the earliest/latest!!!  Nope, we were both up and ready to go.  Of course, I tried really, really hard to go back to sleep...that did ot happen.  I did stay in bed for another hour or so and read, then I got up for my day.  I ate a decent, protein fueled breakfast (two hardboiled eggs, and Arnolds Thin and a medium bananna).  I actually was able to get ready the way I should...not rushing around!!!  I was able to take my time in the shower...really wash and condition my hair and shave my legs (whoo-hoo!!!).  I properly moisturized my face and body and took my time in applying my makeup.  I was able to dry and straighten my hair...even touched up my nails (my current color is UpTempo Plum, which is a very dark...almost black purple...very not Disney...could not have worn it during my CM days!!!).  It is a quick dry polish, and since it is so dark it shows wear and tear even with a topcoat!!!  I can't believe how fabulous I look (not to toot my own horn or anything...).

So glad that my Little Man's barber (who is like 60-something and has been my Daddy's barber for like 40 years) and the teens working the counter at the donut shop were able to appreciate my efforts in how awesome I look.   ;)

Weigh in was yesterday...managed to lose two pounds.  I am pleased.  My body has been so messed up lately...I am especially worried with the new meds...but I am going to be dilligent about tracking.  I am not worried about tomorrow being Thanksgiving...I don't like most of the food...so I don't indulge too much.  I do like a good slice of Pumpkin Pie, so I will treat myself to that.  I have to stay on plan, I must contunue to work out, I must track, get my 8HGs in.I must be dilligent.  I have to be.  I NEED to lose those 15-20 lbs.  I have to.  This is almost the end of the road, baby-wise.  I am scared.  I think time is running out.  Doc thinks I will be okay, but I worry.  That is just me. 

Anyway, I have played on the computer long enough...now it is time to get moving.  Lots of stuff to get done today.  Heck, it is one month until Christmas.  Let me get through Thanksgiving and then concentrate on the decorating, shopping, tree-trimming, picture-taking, housecleaning that will be the next thirty days!!!  Oh yeah, throw in Michael, Mike, work, Michael's school, doctors appointments, and the whole gamut in...The next thirty days will be a blur!!!

...so FLIPPING happy, I could do cartwheels!!!

Okay!!! So I went to my OB/GYN this morning. Some of you may know that I am TTC (trying to conceive). I have a beautiful 5yoDS. He has Asperger's Syndrome (on the Autism Spectrum) and needed my undivided attention while we were trying to figure out his diagnosis.

I should be happy with what I have. I am, but I have always felt some sort of emptiness. I really wanted a big family. I am the oldest of five children...I did not think I would have five, but two would make me happy.

Anyway, along with my weight issues (my long-term goal is to lose 185 lbs total) I suffer from depression and anxiety, am on meds for HBP (under control...FINALLY) and have just been diagnosed as bi-polar. My monthly visits from TOM have been erratic, at best...Dr. says that is normal with changes in weight and/or if one is overweight.


Whew!!

All sorts of things swimming around...and I want a baby. Well, my doctor told me today that if I lose another 15-20 lbs. that my ovulation should be back on track. Yeah!!! If I am not pregnant in six months, then we start meds.

YEAH!!!

I am so happy, I could do cartwheels!!!

I am excited to share this journey with you!!!

Love to all!!!

...okay so I am a Big, Fat, Copycat...

...but  love you Miss Rora...and value that you are my ONE follower...I am such a nerd!!!  You are the only one to read about my ups and downs and ins and outs...all the ick and stuff and fluff that is me...

I truly thank you RoraBorieAlice.  :)  You are a great cyber-friend!!!

Monday...Top Five

Okay...so I have decided that on Monday's I will devote to a "Top Five" topic...

The Top Five for Monday 11/23...Top Five Reasons I am a Weight Watcher

1) I have to take control of my life somewhere, and right now food is something that I can control...with the help of Weight Watchers...

2) Weight Watchers is a WAY OF LIFE...not a diet!!!  What I am learning now will stick with me for the rest of my life...

3) I have "met" some amazing, inspiring people on the boards at Weight Watchers.  I have 185 lbs to lose.  Yup, you read that right...185.  There are people on those boards who have lost almost that much, that much or even more...I can't look at the whole number, otherwise, I might get overwhelmed...I have to take this journey one pound at a time...

4) I really feel better eating right and moving more.  Duh.  Sounds so simple...but hard to get kick-started.  I have friends and family in the real world who hold me accountable, but I REALLY feel accountable to the people on the boards...I do not want to let them down!!!

5) ...as just about every post includes...I am doing this not only for myself (it is all right to be selfish here)...but I am doing it for this Little Man...

...better weekend...short and sweet..

...better weekend overall...feeling better with my change in meds...but still not sure of my sleeping pill.  I won't be taking it this evening...I can't afford 10+ hours of sleep when I have to work tomorrow!!! 

Suckiest part of the weekend was the speeding ticket that I received on my way home from my cousin's 11th birthday party.  To my defense...I was in a pack of cars, keeping pace...trying to pull over acutally because Little Man had a nosebleed and was screaming and kicking.  Whatever.  What's done is done and I can't do much to change it.  Little Man's jacket looks like something out of a horror movie.

Best part of the evening is that my parents announced that yes, my sister is getting married at Walt Disney World.  She is getting married in September.  I am excited to start planning my trip.  Whoo-hoo!!!  I am very excited.

More on Monday...have to work tomorrow... *sigh*

...I really am not cranky...I am thankful...

Yes, I am glad that I have a job that affords me insurance that allows me to see the doctor of my choice who tries to solve the puzzle that is me. 

I am glad that I have a precious son who cries at the movie "Up" with me...for different reasons...me, because Carl lost Ellie in the first ten minutes of the movie; Little Man because he thinks Kevin "the girl bird" is stuck on the blimp or Carl loses his house...technically, Carl does lose the house...but it really ends up happy...

I am thankful that I have a husband that supports me, who loves me for who I am and allows me to follow my dreams.  Someday, when I figure out what those dreams are exactly, then I will figure out how exactly to follow them.

I am thankful that I have a roof over my head, clothes on my back and food in my belly (albeit too much sometimes). 

I am thankful that my Little Man ticks the way he does...he is a unique individual...we all are...we all have our own ways of working.  His way may not be like yours or mine...but it works.  It makes him the wonderful kid he is...I would not trade him for the world...he has learned to cope a different way than I do...and for that, I admire him.  He is a stronger little boy than I give him credit for, sometimes.

I am thankful that Mike and I are both working.  We may not love our jobs, but we can count on them.   Someday I hope to be doing the job that I WANT to do (work with special needs preschoolers) and not what I HAVE to do (be a teller) to pay the bills.

I am thankful for my crazy, looney, one-of-a-kind, closely weird family.  I am not sure where or what I would be without their love and support.

I really, really dislike how I look in this pic.  Really.  I hate photos of myself.  *disclaimer* I have lost weight since these pics were taken.  I hate that shirt, I hate my pants, I hate my hair.  Even hate my glasses.  Things have changed.  They have changed for the better.  I hope.

This is supposed to be a blog about things I am thankful for...so sorry for the above photo bitch.

I am thankful for friends who have stuck by me through thick and thin (literally).  Some of us have gone back as far as 25 years...24 years, 22 years and 12 years.  I have not made such close friends since.  We span the globe, from Dallas, to Boston, to KC, to Florida, one still here in the Lou and one in (!!!) Antarctica!!!  I wish we could see each other more often...but the distance can't change my love for these ladies.

I should look at what I have and be happy with that.  I really am.  It is hard to think of everything that I am thankful for.  I really should work on that.  And I will.

...another day, another med...

*sigh*

Can I just start out by stating that pharmaceutical companies hack me off.  See, I had an appointment to see my doctor at 2:30.  I got there a little early.  The waiting room is small, and there were a few people there.  I get nervous in this waiting room...I feel alone.  I don't know why.  Anyway, there were also three smartly dressed people, with name badges on, each with a briefcase and a laptop.  They were in the waiting room, clicking away.  I texted the whole time...to keep my mind (or try to keep my mind) off of the small, crowded, noisy waiting room.  If you happen to follow me on twitter (@dizny1) then you might have seen some of my tweets.  I kept checking the time...noticing that none of the patient-looking people were called, but the smartly dressed name badge people were quickly ushered in.  I just sighed and settled in, continung to complain via text and check the time.  A couple of the patient-looking people were called in after the name badge people left.  It was now after 3:30.  An hour had passed!!!  I am not one to stir the pot or complain...so I just sat there and stewed.  And texted. 

I finally got in to see the doc.  In and out in less than 15 minutes.  Seriously.  She asked some questions, took some notes, prescribed me new meds and left it at that.  See you in four weeks.

I am seriously considering a new doctor.

Hopefully the new meds will help with my sleep and stabilize my mood.  The rollercoaster I am on is exhausting.  I don't know how to handle being happy, being sad, being mad, being angry.  Am I only happy when I am sad???  I feel motivated and unmotivated at the same time.  Typical.  Being labelled as bi-polar sucks.  Am I truly bi-polar???  Is it ADHD???  I know there is some OCD, and I can admit that.  I just wonder if I really need a label???  Does everyone have to have some sort of label???  These are all new emotions to me.  At 36, I feel like a child...who can't handle the ups and downs of life. 

Downside, the meds CAN cause weight gain.  The slow progress over these past 20 pounds has inspired me (I can buy smaller clothes, not 100% there yet, but it is PROGRESS), but if I see the scale going up despite my efforts, I might be tempted to throw in the towel.  I have failed before.  I don't want to fail now. 

I am scared.  I am scared of these crazy meds.  I am scared of my moods.  I am scared of weight gain.  I am scared that the meds are what is causing me not to get pregnant.  I am scared that if I do get pregnant, the meds are going to mess with me and/or the baby.  I am scared that in the eyes of my doctor, I am just another scribble on her prescription pad.  My therapist wants my meds to get straightened out.  I agree.  I am on such a cocktail of meds right now.  Again, so many plates are spinning, so much going on.  Where do I start???  All I can do is take things one tiny little babystep at a time.  Maybe my plates will stop spinning so quickly.  Maybe they won't fall down and break.  Maybe they will end up in the cabinet where they belong!!!

...Wordless Wednesday...

My reason for living...

...seriously???

...okay...so I was catching up on the blog of a very dear Disney Friend who I have "met" via the twitterverse/facebook world.  Her blog is auroraboriealice.blogspot.com.  She and I are similar in many ways.  I enjoy getting to know her...she is a lot of fun, and I just know this from communicating online!!!

Anyway, I digress.

While I was catching up on Aurora's blog...I accidentally hit "next blog".  I ended up hitting next blog for like a hundred posts and EVERY single blog was about a perfect family, with perfect children (in most cases, multiple children), in a perfect world, with perfect husbands, enjoying their perfect stay-at-home lives, with beautiful professional portraits and cute layouts.  Seriously, are SAHM's the only ones who blog out there???  Who determines what blogs come "next"???  Is someone of a higher internet power trying to rub it in my face that I am NOT perfect???  That there are some days where I would love to shovel a whole sleeve of Oreo cookies in my face???  That there are some days were I would rather sit on the couch in my stretchy pants watching "Law and Order SVU" rather than doing housework or going to the gym.  That I forget to pay the water or electric bill, but have no problem going to Target or Old Navy and draining my savings??? 

Seriously, why am I being shown all of these blogs about everyone with their perfect lives??? 

I feel inferior.

Yes, I have been blessed with a beautiful son...but why don't I have another baby???  Why do I get one, some get none and some get dozens???  I get so sad and down about it.  I can't beat myself up over it.  I have to focus on what I have, not what I want.  Do I want a second chance???  Do I think that somehow having a second baby will make up for the fact that I feel like I am a horrible Mommy to Michael???  Is that really going to make me feel better???  Is that going to make my marriage better??? 

Yesterday, I actually said that I thought Michael got the short end of the stick by having me as a Mommy.  What would make me feel that way???  Maybe because there are some days where I can't muster the strength to get up out of bed???  Is it because I feel that I can't get through my day sometimes???  Is it because some days I want to go back to "the way it was"...when I was younger, prettier, thinner, more popular???  Before I met Mike, before I got married, before I had Michael???  Was life really better before???  Is it because I feel that somehow, someway I am responsible for Michael being the way he is???  Is it that I feel guilty because I have been put on anti-depressants and anti-anxiety medications since I had Michael???  Is it because  feel that I can't cope???  Is it because there are days that I don't feel that I deserve such a sweet little boy and that I don't deserve the love that he gives me???

Yeah, I know I am pretty messed up.  My thinking is all messed up.

Sorry that this is not a sunshine and happiness post...BUT that is who I am.  I am a human being, with lumps and bumps and stray hairs that I have to pluck from my chin!!! 

I am a Mommy who has given her son Diet Coke instead of milk, I am a Mommy who microwaves chicken nuggets and Easy Mac and calls it dinner, I am a Mommy whose son knows the lyrics to the "Family Guy" theme better than "The Itsy Bitsy Spider".  I am THAT Mommy.  BUT I am a Mommy who loves her little boy, who wants to make his life better, who wants to protect him and make life easier on him.  A Mommy who tucks her son in bed most nights and still checks to make sure he is breathing while he is sleeping.  I am a Mommy who kisses boo-boos and bakes cookies (albeit refrigerated dough).  I am the Mommy who helps Little Man with his "thankful feather" for his preschool turkey.  I am the Mommy who simply blows up a balloon and we bat it around, telling each other what we are thankful for.  He always starts out saying Mommy, and Mommy always starts out saying Michael.  I am the Mommy who would give my right arm for my son, and the Mommy who would throw herself infront of a moving bus for her son.

Yes.  I deserve the love that my Little Man gives me.  I can't change the past,  I can't fix the imperfections that I "think" happened the first few years of his life.  I can try to be the best Mommy I can be.  Okay, so I don't have a perfect layout with perfectly posed pictures with matchy-match outfits and gleaming smiles.  No, I just have words and a picture of my Little Man.  The only thing that matters in my life.

And by the way, that sleeve of Oreos was delicious...  ;)

...another goal (aka another spinning plate)

...okay, so we have determined that I have all sorts of stuff going on in my life...Little Man, DH, work, weight loss, disorganization, crap, etc. etc. etc.  Well.  I have been focusing on getting a little more activity while on my weight loss journey.  I am starting every other day.  That is it.  I am working on walking about 45-60 minutes every other day.  Heck, it is about 44-60 minutes of activity MORE than I was getting a year ago.

You know I am an admitted "Disney Nerd", and you probably know, I am listening to Lou Mongello's WDW Radio podcast everytime I walk.  This is for the Disney Dreamer/wisher/nerd/fan in me.  They are quite inspiring.  I am listening to them from the very beginning I have just finished podcast #4 dated 3/4/07!!!  He is now on podcast #144!!!  I have a way to go...some are shorter, a little less than an hour..but most are closer to TWO hours!!!  I will have to break those in half!!! 

Anway, they one that I listend to today talked A LOT about the Walt Disney World Marathon held every January.  No way in hell am I going to be anywhere near ready for a marathon anytime soon...BUT I have set a goal for myself.

I am going to shoot for the WDW 5K in January 2011.

A girl can dream, right???  Even if it is to walk the 5K, I am going to DO IT!!!  I then MIGHT work on the 1/2 marathon...and then perhaps the full marathon.  Heck, even if I walk the 5K every year until they put me in the ground, then I will have met a goal...finally!!!

I can't let myself fail.  I can't tell myself that "be real, Chrissy...you have only walked for three days, you are going to fail..."  I can do this and I WILL do this. 

Nothing is gonna stop me now!!!

...Thankful Thursday...

There are so many things that I am thankful for...the list could go on and on and on...I don't even think this blog could hold it all...today I will focus on one thing that is on my mind...

I am thankful that I am finally taking control of my health.  I am taking such small steps right now, but they are steps in the right direction.  I am eating right...not bingeing...not eating crap......eating more vegetables and fruits...learning what a portion size is...drinking more water and less Diet Dr. Pepper (can't give it up completely...I AM only human!!!)...and I have been going to the Rec-Plex. 

Okay, so it has only been twice this week.  I have to take it one step at a time...bad pun, since I am just walking the track.  I have a goal...at least every other day right now.  So far so good.  I walk at my own pace...that is what is best about the track...I am not looking at any clock or miles per hour or even counting my laps.  I just listen to my mp3 and walk.  Right now I am listening to the WDW Radio Podcast (hosted by the fabulous Lou Mongello) from the very beginning.  I want to listen to it...since I just figured out the whole podcast thing...technically challenged???  YES!!!  Anyway, I want to listen to this fabulous podcast...so I walk until it is finished.  Today, podcast number two was 47 minutes long.  That is 47 more activity minutes I have earned in awhile...I am so proud of me.

So I am Thankful this Thursday for taking control of a little part of my life.  Now I just need to work on the million  gazillion other things that need working on...  ;)

Love to All!!!

...Wordless Wednesday???

...Now I am getting kind of a hang of this blogging thing...I have seen posts called "Wordless Wednesdays"...I suppose on Wednesdays, you are to take a break from blogging...heck, I have so much stuff going through my head I have to get it all out!!!  Boring sometimes, yes...but therapeutic all the same!!!

Here is my wordless Wednesday entry...

Reminds me why I wake up every single morning and gets me through my day!!!  Granted, he is five now and such a "grown-up" playing in Exerfun Class...taking swim lessons...going to Tiny Tots...having a blast at Pre-K...all sorts of activities, and he gets through each and every day a stronger little boy.  The first few years were rough when we could not understand Michael, when we did not "get" him...then we got the diagnosis of Asperger's.  We don't look at it as a lifelong sentence...it just makes him work the way he works, and makes him all the more special and precious to me.  If he wants "hamburger cheeseburger pie" for dinner every night, then by golly, he is going to get "hamburger cheeseburger pie" every night!!! 

What gets me through the day???  It is the eyes.  The eyes had me at the moment I met my Little Man.

Look at me, I can't even get a "wordless" Wednesday right!!!  ;)

Getting to Know You...Getting to Know All About You...

I blatantly copied this from my new, dear Twitter/Facebook/Blogger/Disney Fan Friend Aurora.  She is a fun woman and I love getting to know her!!!  She is as funny as all hell.  I am sure you have seen things like this before, but I thought I would share....

What is your salad dressing of choice? ~ Kraft Light Three Cheese Ranch (2 tbs = 2 pts)

What is your favorite sit-down restaurant? ~ Anywhere that serves steak...I am such a carnivore!!!  Usually Longhorn or Outback.  Little Man loves O'Charleys.

What food could you eat for 2 weeks straight and not get sick of it? ~ The salad that I make every day for work...points friendly and pretty filling...I call it the "Green Diamond Salad" because of all of the Simply Filling items in it.  I am proud of myself!!!

What are your pizza toppings of choice? ~ sausage and onions or Hawaiian

What do you like to put on your toast? ~ spray butter and strawberry jam or strawberry butter

How many televisions are in your house? ~ four...about three too many!!!

What color cell phone do you have? ~ black

Are you right-handed or left-handed? ~ lefty, in my right mind!!!

Have you ever had anything removed from your body? ~ ummm...Michael?!?!?

What is the last heavy item you lifted? ~ Michael  :)

Have you ever been knocked unconscious? ~ knocked, no...surgery, yes...


If it were possible, would you want to know the day you were going to die? ~ no, but I should live every day to it's fullest...somedays are easier than others!!!

If you could change your name, what would you change it to? ~ Oprah Winfrey (for the power)!!!  I am pretty happy with my own name...  :)

Would you drink an entire bottle of hot sauce for $1000? ~ Heck Heck No!!!

Last run-in with a cop? ~ last November when I got my first speeding ticket in for-ever...

Last person you talked to? ~ my dear sister Melissa, who is still in Florida and still works for the Mouse...

Last person you hugged? ~ Michael

Favorite Season? ~ (blatantly copied from Aurora) ~ Spring into Summer and Summer into Fall.. those in between times are perfection!!!

Holiday? ~ Christmas followed closely by Easter then Halloween

Day of the week? ~ Tuesdays...for whatever reason...used to be Thursdays because that was "club night" before the weekend began...now Tuesdays seem to be when Michael has the most going on, so I am usually off work...

Month? ~ May

First place you went this morning? ~ bathroom...take care of business then my weigh in...woo-hoo!!!

What's the last movie you saw? ~ in the theaters???  "Toy Story 1 & 2" in 3-D...on DVD...again, Toy Story or TS2...Michael's latest obsession...and I am totally okay with that...

Do you smile often? ~ depends...often on my mood!!!  ;)

Do you always answer your phone? ~ Heck no!!!

It's four in the morning and you get a text message who is it? ~ better be nobody because there would be some butt-kicking involved...

If you could change your eye color what would it be? ~ I like my eyecolor...so I wouldn't...  :)

What flavor drink do you get at Sonic? ~ I have only been to Sonic like once...and it was my usual...Diet Coke...I am afraid of drinks that don't say Diet...

Do you own a digital camera? ~ two plus my phone, but I can't take good pictures...I buy better cameras but still take crappy pictures!!!

Have you ever had a pet fish? ~ no, just dogs...

Favorite Christmas song? ~ Aurora, we are so alike it is scary!!!  I love Carol of the Bells...I also like "Greatest Time of  Year" by Aly & AJ (my Christmas ringtone) because I am a "Disney Nerd" and Christmas Canon by TSO but my VERY favorite is O Holy Night...every single version brings a tear to my eyes...every version.
What's on your wish list for your birthday? ~ a wii (I am so behind the times) a new big ol' TV (even though I think we have too many already) a trip to Disney and a new Dooney & Burke Large Cindy tote...not the least bit greedy, am I???  :)  Oh, and a baby in my belly would be nice!!!

Can you do push ups? ~ not yet!!!

Can you do a chin up? ~ never could...

Does the future make you more nervous or excited? ~ a little bit of both...

Do you have any saved texts? ~ yes...I SO need to clear them out...

Ever been in a car wreck? ~ yes, three...none were my fault; two in mall parking lots and one outside a mall...I detest mall parking lots...I detest the mall in general anymore...especially since they closed my Disney Store and I lost my PT job...and discount...do most of my shopping online anymore...

Do you have an accent? ~ no, born and raised in the midwest...very non-accenty...

What is the last song to make you cry? ~ the only one that really does is O Holy Night (see above Christmas song question)

Plans tonight? ~ pick DH up from work then bed...what an exciting life I lead...

So You Think You Can Dance... ~ huh???  Like can I dance???  No...two left feet and terribly uncoordinated.  Like the show, never watched it.  Never.

Have you ever felt like you hit rock bottom? ~ yes.  yes.  That is all I have to say.

Name 3 things you bought yesterday? ~ frozen vegetables, Up VMotion game for Little Man and a new pair of shoes...

Have you ever been given roses? ~ yes, but I really don't like getting flowers...I think they are wasteful...how unromantic am I???

Current worry? ~ money, Michael, health, jobs...did I mention I suffer from anxiety???

Current hate right now? ~ hate is a strong word, but I don't like the balance of my bank account...

Met someone who changed your life? ~ Little Man, Mike and my dear friend Angie...who is now in DFW...who understands me like no one's business...

How did you bring in the New Year? ~ sleeping...I am such a nerd...

What were you doing 12 AM last night? ~ watching TV, texting, twittering, FBing...I did not have to work the next day!!!  Stayed up later than usual...

What was the first thing you thought when you woke up? ~ crap, it is weigh in day...yeah, Mike is making me breakfast...yeah, I am buying Up on DVD today!!! 

Now you know a few more things about me...

...I am a "Disney Nerd" and proud of it!!!

I love all things Disney, especially Disney Trivia. I used to be pretty good at it...but now that part of my brain is a little dusty. I used to read Dave Smith's "Disney A-Z" cover to cover. When The Disney Stores transferred me to Walt Disney World years ago (many more than I care to admit) my younger brother (younger by 15 years) said that he would miss the "Disney Nerd"...and for years, that is what we call each other...doing the little quotation thing at the same time.

Yes, my brother is a "Disney Nerd". I was so very proud of him when he took what could be his last summer of fun and freedom (he is a senior at Mizzou - Go Tigers!!!) and spent is working as a Seasonal Cast Member in Food and Beverage at Epcot. Long hours, little pay, foreign speaking tourists, FountainView, and best of all the Flag Shirt!!!

I am raising my 5 year old son to be a "Disney Nerd" as well. The other day, I "slipped" and called Walt Disney World simply "Disney World" and he corrected me.


I was so very proud.

There are also some great Disney groups out there for the nerd in all of us...I am so flattered that Lou Mongello is a member of my little group on Facebook...I would love to have the opportunity to meet this magical man!!! One day, I will make it to a Meet of the Month!!! Please check out his website wdwradio.com If you have not checked out Disney Every Day or The Disney Driven Life...do so!!! Of course, Also, on Twitter a lot of people mention being a #disneydork and there really is a "disneydork" on there!!!

To quote Matt the Juggler from the "Hunchback of Notre Dame - A Musical Adventure" preshow....I digress...

Have a magical day friends!!!


BTW, does Matt the Juggler have a Facebook Fan Club??? :)

...why do I love Tuesdays off work...all I can get done??? No...Law & Order SVU marathon on USA...love being unproductive!!!

...had a satisfying POINTS friendly lunch...about the only good thing about today...why do bad things happen to good people???

...consistency...

Consistency (sp???) seems to be the key to everything.  Weight loss, raising a child, managing money...everything.  I need routine, I need organization, I need help.

I have managed to stay on track and take my meds on a regular basis.  Again, I am not a fan of all of my medication...but my doctors and therapists know what they are doing, and I have to have faith in them.  Taking my meds every night before I go to bed is really working for me.  I have been able to do that consistently.  Small victory, but a victory none the less!!!

As far as the Weight Loss goes...I have been trying to be more and more dilligent about tracking my points, getting my 8 HGs in and working activity in.  I have lost 18.3 lbs on my journey so far, and 9.3 lbs since 9/15.  I am kind of dissapointed that it is taking so long to lose the weight, but I did not gain this weight overnight and I am not going to lose it overnight.  I am trying to convince myself that slow and steady wins the race.  I feel like a turtle sometimes!!!

As far as the whole parenting mess goes...I think THAT is where I struggle the most.  I am a pretty easy going mom.  I don't get worked up over the small stuff.  It is not worth it.  Michael eats well, he is polite to adults (most of the time), he is doing really well in his pre-K...I just don't have a lot of rules for him.  Kids with Asperger's are supposed to thrive on routine...and he loves routine.  I just have a hard time getting him into a routine when I can't get myself on one!!!  Do I work on myself first, or do I help my dear son???  I am not sure.  I have to take things in my world one at a time...it seems like I have too many spinning plates at once!!!

I am not going to even touch the finances right now...don't have the time or energy!!!  One day at a time!!!

...odd that my son is talking Christmas lists and it is 80 degrees out...oh how I miss living in Florida...

Miss Independent???

....I have always prided myself on being an independent woman...okay, so that may be a little far stretched.  I grew up in a SUPER close family.  Weirdly close.  I am the oldest of five children...four girls and one boy.  There is 15 years between myself and the youngest.  In a way, I think I did not go away for college because I could not bear to be away from my family.  I did not really move out of my parents house until I was 25 years old...and it wasn't around the corner or anything...I picked up and moved to Central Florida.  I transferred from my job with the Disney Stores to a job with Walt Disney World.  We are talking over a thousand miles from my comfort zone.  I barely had a job...got there to find out "full time" was only 32 hours!!!  I knew nobody.  I found a roommate via the Disney employee newsletter...I suddenly became quite independent!!!

That is, until I met Mike.

Not that I am clingy or needy, but it has been nice to have him around.  He is all that I have known for almost ten years!!!  Very rarely have we spent a night apart!!!  I never thought that I would need someone so much!!!   It is a nice feeling...I am still very independent in many ways...I can be stubborn to a fault...but it is nice to have such a love for someone.  I really miss when he is not around.

Now, my only problem with his new schedule is taking care of my little Night Owl...I am wiped out and it is 9:15...but he is nowhere near being ready for bed...routine, routine, routine...THAT is something we are working hard on!!!

...the best of intentions...

...okay...so yesterday was going to be some sort of bang up spectacular day.  Whoo-hoo!!  Go me!!!  Tuesdays are my weigh in days, and I lost a whopping .7 lbs.  Hey, a loss is a loss, and I will take what I can get!!!  I got Little Man off to preschool...no problem.  He was in a great mood and very cooperative.  DH started his new shift on Tuesday (230pm-11pm) so I came home and had a snack with him before he went off to work, since I was meeting a girlfriend for lunch at 230 (a very OP point friendly lunch at Subway).  Walking out the door, feeling FABULOUS...dark wash trouser leg jeans and an argyle sweater always makes me feel like I am the smartest-dressed woman in the world!!!  My hair was in place, my makeup looked good...I was ready to go...and my phone started ringing...okay.  Did not recgonize the number at first...but took a closer look and it was from the school district...Mike just left for work, so it wasn't him...answered the phone.  It was The. School. Nurse.

Dum-dum-da-dummmm...

Yeah, Little Man was in the nurses office, running a 103 temperature. Gak!!!  Instead of meeting my girlfriend in ten minutes, I was driving to the school to pick up a very sick little guy.  I don't even remember getting to the school.  It was all a blur.  I managed to cancel my lunch date, schedule him a doctors appointment, cancel his evening ExerFun class at the RecPlex that evening, call Mike and call my parents to keep everyone up to date.

How funny that earlier in the morning, Little Man was looking forward to his class at the RecPlex and me making a Cheeseburger Pie for dinner.  Now I am picking up a tired, lethargic, feverish little guy.  Definitely not the Little Man that I put on the bus this morning.

After getting him to a 4pm doctor appointment (got there early at 3:38)...we were finally seen by the doctor (not our regular doctor, he was booked) at 5:00!!!  Little Man was sleeping, but the doctor managed to examine him and get the swab she needed for the Flu Test.  Said it would be about 15 mins.  Okay. 35 minutes later, we get the confirmation that Little Man has the flu.  Would not confirm that it is H1N1 (swine ful) because the test was not for that, but it can't be called the regular flu because it is not flu season. 

So, I have a 5 year old with the flu, a $45 prescription for TamiFlu, Campbells Soup at Hand (because Little Man does not "yike" eating soup with a spoon) , Diet 7Up and the newset Dora the Explorer DVD from the RedBox.  We are set.  Of course, he is comfortable and the fever broke this morning...but my house, in just a few short hours, has been turned upside down!!!

*sigh* off I go to clean, scrub and disenfect...where is my Cinderella???  :)

...whatever happened...

...I often find myself wondering whatever happened....

...whatever happened to the girl who was not held back???

...whatever happened to the girl who did not need prescriptions to get her through her day???

....whatever happened to the girl who knew food was for nourishment, not for comfort, boredom or soothing???

...whatever happened to the girl who used to be full of life and fun, who had drive and ambition???

I have been doing some reflection lately.  It comes, from of ALL places, the innocent flirting from a man who comes into my place of business.  Sure, the days he comes in, he makes me feel like a million bucks...what a compliment for a woman who...let's be realistic here...has the mindset that I do.  I mean, I am a hot mess!!!  ;) 

When he pays me the least bit of attention, I wonder why.  Why I am I deserving of this???  Surely, it is because he never sees me from the waist down.  If he did, he would be repulsed.  I certainly am.  He is just being nice as a facade, he is going to turn and make fun of me for being fat or stupid.  I have felt that way for years...no man was ever interested in me...they would lead me on, and then make fun of me.  Mind you, this was all what played out in my HEAD.  No guy I have ever dated ever made fun of me or ever called me fat or stupid.  I always imagined that happening.

Now, please don't get me wrong...he comes in, we chat and I take care of business.  That is all.  I am devoted to my husband...no matter how batty he drives me.  :)  I just wonder why anybody, let alone an attractive man, would give me the time of day.

The old me would never have wondered this.  As I put on weight, is it a security blanket???  Is my weight supposed to keep the rest of the world away???  I just wonder.  I don't go out anymore, I don't even want to go to family functions...and I love my family.  I make whatever excuse NOT to go out.  That is not me.  I used to go out, I used to have a good time, I used to dance on tables for heavens sake!!!  Now I barely have the motivation to get out of bed most mornings.  There have been times that I have kept my son home from preschool because getting him there is too much effort!!!  What kind of mother does that???  The worst kind. 

I put on a good show.  I dress nice, keep my hair neat and ALWAYS wear my makeup.  I look as good as I can on the outside, but my inside is crumbling. 

I go back to the doctor tomorrow to get the meds straightened out again.  I had to stop one of the last ones because it made me break out...and could have lead to a fatal rash.  Great.  I hate having to be on these meds.  I know if I am not, then I would be even more of a mess.  You gotta do what you gotta do.  Tomorrow is a new day and we will see how I am feeling about things then.  Of course, with me...I could be walking on sunshine again, and the world will be all rainbows and happiness!!!  I am just having one of those days!!!

Sorry if I bring you down when you read this, but this is really what goes on in my mind...and I have to be honest with myself.

Love to all.  :)