Sunday, October 24, 2010 I know...

I know that God only gives you what you can handle.  I have to remember this.  I grew up the oldest of five children, and always assumed that I would have a large family of my own.  We had Michael right away, so I figured the second baby would come easily.  That was more than six years ago.  Number two has not come so easily, much less number three or four!!!  I am an aunt to two nephews, who I absolutely adore.  I watched them, along with Little Man on Friday night. 

Yeah, now I know why God gave me just one child.

Don't get me wrong...I love squishy little babies.  They are so sweet and so cute, but I love my independent little boy.  I really don't miss the baby stage.  I like that Little Man can entertain himself so I can get dinner made.  I like that Little Man is potty trained and can feed himself.  Perhaps it is due to me suddenly becoming selfish or lazy...but I kind of doubt that...I did fine when Little Man was a baby.  I just honestly think that God only gives you what you can handle.  Maybe He knows that I was meant for only one child.  That one child needed my 100% attention, he needed all of my efforts and abilities. 

I think God has been looking out for me, and for my family. 

Love to All.

Thursday, October 21, 2010

...keep on trucking...

That is what I gotta do.  One day at a time, one meal at a time, one pound at a time, etc.  I have a lot of plates spinning, and I gotta keep them going...once one falls, the others follow...depression, money, bills, weight loss, parenting...there are so many more...

I just have to remember to stay true to myself and not be influenced by others.  I think that is what my problem was in the past...being someone who I really wasn't.  I always let others mold me.

I sometimes have a black cloud that hangs over me.  Some days are rainbows and sunshine.  I can't help the way I feel.  I just have to keep on trucking and take things one day at a time.

Now to tackle some of my "purging".  Taking that one item at a time.  Gonna tackle the family room this evening.  It is two-fold...I have to have the family room in order before tomorrow, I am watching my nephews...and I want them to have the room to play whatever they want!!!

Love to All.

Tuesday, October 19, 2010


Things are coming together slowly.  Very slowly.  I think I am in denial. 

DH wants to move back to Florida, like yesterday.  I think I am ready.  If we move, it won't be until June of 2011. 

This seems to be a recurring theme for us over the past year.  We think about it, and then never do it. 

I think we are ready.


I think we will be all right once we get there, but the getting there is my stumbling block.  I am afraid to pack up the house.  I am afraid of the actual move.  I am having trouble wrapping my head around the logistics of it. 

It was easy to move to Saint Louis when it was just me and Mike.  We filled our UHaul with our crap and went on our merry way.  We got rid of A LOT in a garage sale before we moved.  A lot.  We made almost $1000 in a three day sale.  I am afraid of moving this time because of the addition of Michael and all of our accumulated stuff. 

I am supposed to be purging through our Rubbermaid tote at a time.  Keep, sell, toss...keep, sell, toss.  That has to be my mantra.  One tote at a time, one drawer, one cabinet at a time.  I don't know where to begin.  All of this, and the holidays are coming up...more crap for Michael.  ARUGGHHH!!!  Of course, I still have a lot of his baby toys.  Those should be easy to get rid of.

Keep, sell, toss.  Now I just have to get off of this couch and get to doing it.  I will keep my progress posted.  So far, I cleaned out one drawer in the kitchen.  That's it.  One day, one drawer at a time.

Love to All.

Monday, October 18, 2010

...I will survive...

Remember the old adage, "if it sounds too good to be true, it probably is"??? Well, someone needs to remind my DH about that. We are now possiby screwed for the next 11 months insurance-wise. We will survive, but it is going to be a rollercoaster ride. Literally.

DH changed insurance at work. Since I left the Credit Union in June, I am now on his insurance. Mike thought he was changing to the best policy for us. A high-deductible Health Savings Account Plan. Yikes...a $4000 deductible to meet!!! However, he assured me that after that deductible was met, that everything was covered 100%. The school district would contribute $2000 to his HSA, and we would contribute the other $2000 through his payroll deduction. What he understood (and stands firmly on that he was TOLD) was that we would have $4000 in our HSA from the beginning...that we were "paying back" the other $2000 via payroll deduction.

Fair Enough.

We go to Walgreens to get DH's prescriptions. Yes, he is on something like six prescriptions...and the three month supply cost over $1600. No big deal. The money is in the HSA, and we are that much closer to meeting our deductible. Next we go to Target to get MY prescriptions (they are doing the $10 giftcard giveaway with new prescriptions...could not pass that up!!!). $579 and change for TWO prescriptions, one month supply. My heart skipped a beat, but knew that we had the $4000 in the HSA and handed over the HSA debit card to the clerk.

Denied. Declined. Whatever you call it, the card was not paying for the prescriptions.

We called the bank that handles the HSA, and were told that there was only $400 and change in the HSA account. Really??? That did not make sense, so the next call was to the benefits department.

After what seemed like an eternity on the phone, it turns out that yes, the school district made a contriution of $2000, but the other $2000 is added as it comes out of the paychecks. It was NOT "fronted" and we are NOT "paying back". Right now, I don't have $579 loose, everything is earmarked. Money is a lot tighter since I went to a part-time position. I am not picking up these prescriptions, and I have no idea how we are going to meet this crazy deductible. DH should be okay, he only needs a little more before he meets his deductible...then everything of his will be covered 100%...while I go without therapy visits, visit with my psycharitist and most meds.

Until we get finances figured out, and get this deductible met, I am bracing myself for a rollercoaster ride. I am just going to take a deep breath and take it one day at a time.

My first day back on Weight Watchers and this gets the best of me. A bag of Peanut Butter M&Ms were tasty, but did nothing to make the situation better.

We will see what happens. Until then, I am gonna have to enjoy the ride.

Love to All.

Sunday, October 17, 2010

...getting back in the habit...

Getting back into the swing of things.  I am back to trying to blog as often as I can.  I can't promise everyday, but I am going to get better about making an effort to blog.

Today I attended my first Weight Watchers meeting in a couple of months.  I can't say that I am really inspired.  It just has to become habit for me.   My goal this week is to just watch what I am consuming.  I can't say that I am going to make any major changes to what I eat...just watch the portion of what I am eating. 

I have to watch what I am cooking and how I am cooking it.  That will come.  Right now, I have a kitchen full of groceries that need to be eaten.  That being said, I am not inspired to cook.

Yeah.  Still working on the whole depression thing!!!  :)

One day at a time, and results will come. 

Love to All.

Saturday, October 16, 2010

...depression sucks...

Yes it does.  I have had zero interest in anything for awhile now.  Everyday is a struggle.  I am not sure how to make myself happy.  I am taking my meds.  I have not seen my therapist in awhile.  We have had some insurance changes and I was not able to see her after I left the Credit Union.  DH's insurance did not cover my particular therapist, but that all changed 10/1.  I am glad that I will be able to see her again. 

No motivation.  I will say that Little Man continues to make me smile...but that is about it. 

I changed my job...thought that would hasn't.  I like my new job a lot, and love that there is something new and different every day, but waking up in the morning to get to work is a struggle.

I find that all I want to do during the day is sleep.  I spend most of the day sleeping.  I don't know what is wrong. 

Right now, DH is working OT so we can afford to give Little Man a nice Christmas (have to think ahead when money is this tight)...and what am I doing???  Nothing. 

I need to get off this computer and get moving.  Let's hope I can get something done.  It is the least I can do!!!
Love to All.