Tuesday, February 9, 2010

Being A Grown Up Kinda Sucks...

I am not good at making decisions.  I am not good at being a grown-up.  Put the two together, and it is a recipe for disaster. 

Mike and I moved to the Saint Louis area a little more than six years ago.  A lot has happened in that time.  We got married,.  We had Michael.  We started jobs.  We moved into my dream house.  Michael has started school.  This is where my family is.  This is where I grew up. 

Last week, Mike gave me the "I'm not happy here" speech. 

Mike is not one to really speak up.  He lets me have my way.  I am okay with that!!!  He says that he has a hard time telling me and Michael no.  This is the first time ever that he has told me something like that.  I know he has opinions, but I am not used to hearing him lay it out so bluntly.

Mike wants to move back to Florida.

This has been in the back of my mind for sometime now.  While we were driving from Central Florida, through Alabama, Mississippi, Arkansas and finally into Missouri, it was Mike that made the statement that by moving to Missouri, that we were there for good.  I could not keep changing my mind and moving back and forth.  I was like, whatever.  I get my way no matter what...so when I am ready to move, we'll move...right. 

I always whine about the weather here in the winters.  I am not a wintery snow kinda gal.  Never have been.  Never will be.  Every winter, I get a bit homesick for Florida.  Avoiding grey, dreary, crappy, cold weather is NOT reason enough to pack up our family and move a thousand miles away.

My head is spinning.  I keep trying to put together a list of pros and cons about moving back to Florida.  I can't wrap my head around it.  I think I was a little more laid back when we lived there...BUT I did not have a child.  I was not trying to have a child.  I was not making the kind of money that I am with my job at the Credit Union.  If we do move, now is the best time...while Mike still gets the trust money that his mother left him.  We could afford to take a cut in pay while we still have this "extra" money coming in.

I am scared.  I am scared of letting my family down.  The love having Michael around so much.  I don't want them to think that by my packing my family up and moving so far away, that it is a slap in their faces.  My parents and sisters and brother have done so much for us over the years.  I don't want them to think that it was all for nothing...or that it is a "use 'em and lose 'em" kind of thing.  I don't want them to thnk that they all helped me raise my son...and now that the hard part is over...buh-bye.

Why am I even debating the happiness of my family over the happiness of my husband??? 

There is so much to think about.  Jobs, schools, homes, packing up this house and moving it so far away.  I am a procrastinator.  I won't want to think about it until it is too late.  I will want to bury my head in the sand until Mike gives me some sort of ultimatium.  What is up with that???

I have a huge decision to make, and I don't want to have anything to do with making it.

Love to All.

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