Monday, January 11, 2010

...fear...paralyzing fear...

...why do I let fear take over my life???  Why am I obsessed that something bad is going to happen to me???  I drive down the highway at night and tighten my grip on the wheel as I go under an overpass...for fear that the cars driving on the overpass might topple over and crush me.  Seriously.  Right now, friends who live in the area are posting on FB and twitter that there is some sort of police search in the area.  It may be around a mile or so away, but I can hear the helicopters and am FREAKING out.  I don't know why the police are searching for anyone...nothing is on the news...nothing on the news sites on the internet.  Nothing.  I am holed up in my room, not going near the windows for fear that gunshots might hit me (I live in the suburbs, mind you...have not had a shooting in this area in YEARS).  I am not letting Little Man in his room because someone might break in the window and harm him.  I am letting something that is going on in my head HAUNT me.  My meds are supposed to stop this anxiety, but I fear they are making it worse!!!  I fear a lot of things...but these are fresh in my mind because they both happened this evening.  Am I supposed to take a "happy pill" and it makes everything better???  I am afraid to take an anxiety pill this evening, because what if I fall asleep and something bad happens???  This is crazy!!! 

No, this post was not full of any Pixie Dust today.  It has been a very bad day.  No Pixie Dust involved.  Just fear and just a bunch of bad things to stress me out.  I have sought help, it is just not working for me right now.

Love to All.

No comments:

Post a Comment