Getting To Know All About You...

I found most of these blog questions out there on Google...thought that they would make a less-boring blog today.  I have been slacking, and are a little behind on the blogging bit. 


How did you meet Mike; when/how did you know he was the one?
~ Mike and I met while we were both working for Walt Disney World.  We actually kinda met before we worked together.  We were both working for the Mouse in 1999, when the 25th Anniversary Celebration had ended (I LOVED the pink Castle Cake, I really did...seriously) and the Millennium Celebration was beginning.  I worked at Downtown Disney at the World of Disney, and Mike worked in the Right Block Shops at Disney-MGM Studios. 

I had made friends with several other Disney Store "transplants" at WOD.  It seemed that a lot of us transferred to Walt Disney World that year, maybe sensing that The Disney Stores were, at that time, something of a sinking ship.  All of the Disney Store transfers were placed at the WOD for one reason or another.  I had the pleasure of starting out in the "Map Room", which is where the engraving and Information counters were.  This comes into play later. 

Anyway, I had made friends with a lot of people at the WOD.  For most of us, Christmas 1999 was our first holiday away from home and our families.  We became each other's families.  It was one night, that my friend Pam and I went to the Studios for a late night showing of "Fantasmic!".  On our way in, we decided to stop at the Pin Trading Station.  This was before they had the Sorcerer Hat at the Studios, so the Pin Trading Station was just a few fixtures at the corner of Hollywood and Vine.  I was on the hunt for two specific Monorail Pins for Daniel, my 11 year old brother back home.  A very nice Cast Member named Mike from Ft. Lauderdale FL helped me out.  We got to talking about pins, and working for Disney and the holidays, but Pam and I had to run off before we missed "Fantasmic!". 

I did not think much about it until I was called to work some overtime at "Head to Toe", the embroidery/engraving shop at Disney-MGM Studios.  You see, working in the Map Room at WOD, I was trained in engraving.  The Right Block shops was short an engraver for awhile, and I was offered the overtime after several CMs above me in seniority declined it.  I worked with some wonderful women there, and they all went on and on and on about a CM that I should meet.  He was a family man and so nice, and kind and polite.  Yes, these women were old enough to be my mother...and yes, these women were talking about Mike from Ft. Lauderdale FL.  I could not believe it.

I wish it were a litte more exciting, like it seemed like I knew he was the one from the moment we met at that Pin Trading Station...but heck, I was too excited to be seeing "Fantasmic!" for like the millionth time.  I knew after having a lunch with him at the CM cafeteria one afternoon that Mike would be in my life for a very long time.

How did Mike propose to you?
~ Mike proposed to me very unexpectedly.  He asked me one afternoon at the Studios, in front of Sorcerer Mickey and about 100 strangers!!!  I really, REALLY was not expecting this one.  I had not washed my hair, I was wearing a sleeveless shirt and was sweating up a storm.  I have the pictures.  Pure shock.  I have to dig them up and scan them in...


What age did you get married? How long have you been married?
~ I was 30 when I got married.  I am glad that I waited when I did...I had a series of bad boyfriends before I met Mike.  We have been married six and a half years.  We plan on renewing our vows at Walt Disney World when we hit ten!!!

When was Little Man born?
~ Michael was born August 17, 2004.  We had a newborn before our first anniversary.  He came as a surprise.  A very pleasant surprise.

How did you choose Michael’s name?
~ not very inventive on this one.  Michael is named after Mike, Michael Anthony Pagnotti II.  I am old fashioned, and did not want to know the sex of the baby until it was born.  Mike got to pick the boy name, and I got to pick the girls name (Katelyn Elisabeth...Katie Beth for short).  If we have number two, I get to choose both names!!!  Katie Beth for a girl still...but I am stuck on a boy's name...I like Daniel after my brother.  I joke that we will name our next son Jack Daniel Pagnotti...Jack after Jack Bauer on "24"!!!

How would you describe your parenting style? What have you learned about being a momma that surprised you from parenting Little Man?
~ I am  pretty laid back parent.  Mike is more of the heavy hand.  Of course, Michael knows this.  When I was pregnant, I was afraid that I would be a bad parent because I was too "selfish".  Of course, this all flew out the window the second I met Michael.  It is amazing to realize that this Little Man has so much power and influence over me...my every action, my every move. 

Do you plan to have another baby?
~ I would love to have another baby...but wonder what God has in the cards for us.  We are quite happy as a three-person-family.  We function quite well.  We are trying, but if it is not meant to be then I will be happy with what I have.

I want to know about your life growing up…like what you wanted to be and stuff like that.
~ I grew up the oldest of five children, in a middle class surburban family.  I was 15 years old when my brother, the youngest was born.  We are a weirdly close family...and I will take it.  I have fond memories of staying out playing with my friends...the rule was that we had to come in when the streetlight came on.  We had wonderful Christmasses, fun birthday parties and great Halloween costumes.  My mom was able to stay at home with us...and I totally appreciate that.  Now, my parents watch my son...and I think that is awesome.  When I was little I wanted to be a Mommy and a teacher.  I then discovered a love for all things Disney and decided that Iwas going to be a Walt Disney World Ambassador.  Well, I did not quite make it to Ambassador, but a WDW CM was pretty cool all the same.

You have multiple responsibilities and always seem to be on the go…how do you find balance in your life?
~ Right now, I am trying to find balance in it all...I am not having much luck at it.  I am not sure what I would do if I ever found the perfect balance of everything.  I would probably freak out!!!  I am finally realizing that when I am asked what my hobby is, my answer should not be "Michael".  I need to have my own interests...and yes, my son is the most important thing in my life, but he can't take it over.  I am working on getting things in the house orgainzed.  One.  Rubbermaid.  Tote.  At.  A.  Time.  It is working, and Mike is helping me out.  Tonight, we actually cleaned out the entry hall closet.  Yes, it is a Saturday night and I am excited that we organized a closet!!!  I will find balance, but there is a lot that I need to get straightened out first.

What do you do for a living?
~ Right now, I am a Financial Service Consultant (aka, teller) at a Credit Union.  I am hoping to leave my job in the next six months (yes, in this economy and yes, I am not crazy) and stay at home.  Since I don't have my degree right now, I want to be able to take care of kids on our home.  I might look into taking classes a little bit at a time so I can get that degree.

What song has the power to get you up and dancing any time it’s played?
~ This one is too easy.  It is the oldie but goodie from the eighties, "You Spin Me 'Round (Like A Record)" by Dead Or Alive. 

What do you love most about where you live? Meaning the town/city and your home, etc. What would you miss most if you had to move?
~ I love the fact that Missouri is right in the middle of everything.  Mike is fascinated that you can drive six hours and be in another state.  Growing up in South Florida, if he drove six hours you weren't even out of the state.  Saint Louis is a big enough city where I don't feel like I am in the boonies...and the suburb that I live in is as close to utopia as I can get!!!  Now, I don't like the change of weather that we get here in MO.  I miss living in Florida sometimes, but I would miss my family too much to go back.

Any major goal that you would like to accomplish in the next 10 years?
~ I would love to have my degree completed, move back to Florida and have a second child.  I will shoot for one out of the three.  First the baby, second the degree, third the move.

Where do you see yourself in 10 years?
~ It is weird to think of where we will be in ten years, mostly because Little Man will be 15 at that time...and I can't even fathom that!!!  See above, I hope to be a Mommy to two, have my degree and be loving back in the Sunshine State!!!

Where did you go to college and what was your degree in? If you could do it over again, what would you do?
~ I never completed my degree.  I started at Community College out of high school.  Bad decisions, bad choices and bad boyfriends helped me not finish.  I decided that partying was so much more important than classes and coursework, so my parents pulled my funding.  If I wasn't giving it 100%, then they weren't paying for it.  I didn't need it...I had a job as a manager at the mall...I was going to be fine.  I regret that decision every single day of my life.  I would have liked to have attended Mizzou when I could have.  Right now, my goal is just to get back to that Community College and get my degree in Early Childhood Special Education.

What is the most interesting place you've ever visited/vacationed?
~ The only place I have ever really been is Walt Disney World.  I would like to someday visit all of the Disney Parks (the Disneyland Resort, Tokyo Disneyland/Disney Sea, Disneyland Paris, HongKong Disney and take a Disney Cruise).  I would like to visit Italy and Hawaii...and that is about it.

What is your morning routine like?
~ My morning routine now is much different than it used to be.  I used to be the Queen of the Snooze.  Now, the alarm goes off at about quarter to five and I am out of bed by five to get to the gym by 5:30!!!  I work out until 6:15 and head home to shower, get ready for work and am out the door again by 7:30.  My morning routine is all about me, because Mike and Michael don't have to get up until later, so Mike is in charge of the house in the morning after I leave. 

What's your biggest regret in life (if you have one)?
~ I hate to sound repetitive, but the whole not going to school thing is my biggest regret.  Everything else, I am convinced, happens/happened for a reason.  There is no point in regretting anything that I have done or has happened.

...wondering...

...okay...so I know that it is dangerous to go off of your meds.  Dangerous and bad.  However, at my last appointment, I was prescribed a new anti-anxiety med that I need to take three times a day.  I am not a good take-pills-more-than-once-a-day kinda gal.  I knew this would be a problem.  I have fallen off track taking ALL of my meds...HBP meds, depression meds, anxiety meds, even my multi-vitamin.  I know I should take them...but...

I feel better.

I know I have to take them.  BUT I am going to mention to the psycharistist that I feel better.  I feel like I am thinking clearly.  I feel like I am getting more done.  I feel like Superwoman!!!

Of course, I am planning on getting back on track tomorrow.  But I have to wonder what I would be like if I could get rid of these silly meds.

Once I lose the weight, my General Physician believes that I will be off the HBP meds.  Now I just have to work on the depression/anxiety meds.  I CAN do this.  I WILL do this.

Love to All.

...just another day...

...not much going on in my little world today to blog about.  I did not have to work today...so I am loving life!!!  I spent a great deal of the day on the phone...a whole bunch of mess regarding the state of MO and income taxes and money earned in FL and owed back state taxes.  I am glad I had my anxiety meds nearby.  Mike and I are still doing a lot of discussing about my staying at home once Michael starts kindergarten.  There is so much to do between now and July!!!  My head is spinning, but I am serious about this, so it WILL happen.  I got a call from Michael's school about the direction he will be heading in starting in kindergarten.  I can't believe we are preparing him for kindergarten!!!  It is unbelievable.  Just the strides he has made in the last six months have been amazing to me.   We are going to meet with the speech therapists, occupational and physical therapists, teachers and Autism Consultants.  It is a little overwhelming...but I am ready.  I have a feeling they are going to tell us that he does not need all of his services...that he is doing so well, that he can go into a mainstream class without any additional services.

A girl can dream, can't she???
I have been playing Sally Homemaker today, and I liked it.  I made white chicken chili in the crockpot (yum-O!!!), cleaned both bathrooms and caught up on just about all of the laundry.  I can't believe how accomplished I feel.  I feel much better playing Mommy and Wife today than I do in a day of mundane work.  I know, I won't feel this way everyday...but I am sure enjoying it while I can!!!   I picked Michael up from preschool and we headed to the Rec-Plex.  He went to Tot Drop to play and I worked out for forty minutes.  I biked a little more than seven miles...12 down in my quest to the Castle.  I can't wait to do it all over again tomorrow!!!

Not much going on today...and that is just how I like it.  Catching up on "What Not to Wear" tonight...will wait and watch "24" when Mike gets home.  I am gonna make a smoothie (to get my last few Points and a dairy in), read and go to bed.  What a wonderful day!!!
Love to All.

What I Spend Money On

I don't think this blog is big enough to handle what I spend money on...this is another one of the "100 Blog Topics I Hope YOU Write" that I found on Google. 

I am a spender.  Always have been.  I am trying to save money, so I can FINALLY stay at home with my dear, dear son.  Of course, he is going to all-day kindergarten...so I am a day late and a dollar short.  I am trying to make better purchase decisions overall so I can show that I can be thrifty and make the stay at home thing work.  We have already decided that I am going to supplement Mike's income by taking in no more than three children to take care of full time.  I am okay with that, as I love children.

Now, onto what I spend money on.  The list of what I DON'T spend money on would be shorter...

1) Target.  I know I can't buy Target, duh.  But I love Target so much that I had to lump them into their own category.  I actually get a rush when I walk into Target.  Yes, an actual, honest-to-goodness rush....and yes, this is something I HAVE discussed with my therapist.  I think that they pump "happy air" into the place.  I could take a red plastic cart and walk around that place for HOURS.  And I have.  My only beef with Target is their plus sized clothing section.  It is all of about four racks and they only get ONE of each size in each style.  Makes it hard for a girl to wait for something to go on clearance (though when I lose the weight, clearance racks...watch the hell out!!!).  Of course, I can't complain too loudly when I find work sweaters for a mere $15.  Of course, if I don't work outside the home anymore, I will be SAVING right there...no more work clothes...I can wear my comfy/casual clothes!!!  Whoo-hoo!!!  I used to shop exclusively at Lane Bryant for clothes...but when their underpants got up to $18/pair I could not handle it.  I know they always run sales/deals...but come on. $18 bucks a pop for underpants?!?!? 

I also love Target for their home accessories.  I suffer from OCD, so I tend to buy things that I am afraid they are going to run out of..and yes, this also is something I have discussed with my therapist.  This would also explain why I have FOUR different table runner/placemat/napkin sets.  I have throw pillows still in the bags with tags attached.  I need to get this stuff out on eBay.

Clothing and Home Accessories are just two of the many things I love spending my money on at Target.  I could go on and on and on, but there are so many other things that I love to spend money on...

2) Shoes.  You see, I have a size 11 foot.  Don't laugh.  Paris Hilton takes a size 11 as well.  I would be like a 10, but I have that freakishly longer second toe...and that pushes me to Paris Hilton-like feet.  When you have a size 11 foot...you have to grab what you can as soon as you see it, otherwise it is gone.  I love shoes.  I love good shoes, but most designers (I am talking to YOU Nine West) stop at a ten...and if they get an 11, it is your Grandma's shoe.  This is why I will admit that I love Payless.  While they don't carry every style in an 11, they carry a lot more than Macy's or Dillard's does!!!  Target is pretty good at carrying size 11, but you have to act on it pretty quickly, because again, they only get one in.  My favorites are ballet flats...and I probably have 50 different pair...mostly black.  Ballet Flats are for comfort, but I do love heels.  At nearly six feet tall barefoot, I do love how tall heels make me.  I save them for work or going out...but since I rarely go out, the heels are mostly for work. 

3) oldnavy.com  Okay Old Navy.  WHY in the blank did you take Women's Plus sizes out of your stores???  I love that you at least have the sense to carry it online, but is it fair that I have to pay $7 every order when I PASS a lovely new Old Navy every day on my way to and from work???  Take a cue from Payless and offer free shipping to your stores.  I am gonna spend more money that way.  Heck, with how often I order online from you, I could use that $7 and pay for my Weight Watchers monthly subscription...or spend it on Ding Dongs.  I love Old Navy's clothes, they make me feel skinny because they run SO big!!!  I have tried their shoes, since they do carry cutie cute styles in size 11...but they are horribly uncomfortable.  I will let Old Navy stick to making wonderful, affordable clothes. Again, Old Navy...if you are out there...let's talk free site-to-store shipping.  PLEASE.  I will be more apt to go into a store to pick up my merchandise and then drop money on things that I find for Michael or on accessories or even (heaven help us) more uncomfortable but cute shoes!!!

Those are just a few of the MANY places I spend my hard earned money.  I also spend it on Disney stuff, trips to Disney, Disney magazines, D23 Membership merchandise, Gymboree, Christmas ornaments, light fluffy girly books, SpongeBob DVDs, and even throw the occasional dollar or two to Walmart.  I am certain I could fill a hundred more blog posts about what I spend my money on.

Love to All.

My Day Job Versus My Passion

Okay people...another one of the "100 Blog Topics I Hope YOU Write" topics...because I am outta ideas here!!!  This one strikes a nerve.  My day job vs. my passion.  I followed my passion once...when I went to work for Walt Disney World.  It turned out very good...I met Mike while working for the Mouse.  It also turned out very bad...I realized I liked being a Guest moreso than a Cast Member.  Of course, I get nostalgic for my old CM days and want to work there again...so I guess I really did like working there...

My real, true passion is to work with children.  Specifically children with Special Needs.  I believe that I have had a "gift"...not to toot my own horn.  I am incredibly patient and understanding, or so I am told.  When I was 15-16 years old...I spent my summers babysitting for a family who had a Special Needs son.  I did not take care of him too often, mostly his younger brother and sister...but occasionally I did care for him.  Looking back, I can't remember what he was afflicted with...but I remember being so proud when I was able to care for him.  My mom was not sure I should or could...but I did it...I was determined. 

The more time I spend in Michael's classroom, the more I know I am meant to do this.  I NEED to go back to school.  I NEED to get my degree.  I NEED to get out of the Credit Union and follow my heart.  I love the CU, and they are a very good company to work for...but when I was a little girl, I never answered the question "What do you want to be when you grow up?" with "A Financial Service Consultant".  No.  I either answered that I wanted to be a Walt Disney World Ambassador or a teacher.  Of course, I could not attain the level of WDW Ambassador (I decided at the tender age of 8 that this was to be my career) but a WDW Cast Member was pretty darn close.  Now I just need to work on the teacher part. 

I am incredibly lucky that I have such a supportive husband.  He WANTS me to quit my job.  He WANTS to see me go back to school.  He WANTS to see me do what I want to do, not what I have to do.  There is a huge difference.  I just hate that I have gotten myself into such a position where it is hard to leave a job because it pays pretty well.  There are some sacrifices that are going to have to be made...and I think I am ready.

Love to All.

My Mother is on Facebook!!!

Okay...so my Mom has been on Facebook for a little while now.  This is just one of the "100 Blog/Podcast Topics I Hope YOU Write" that I found on Google.  This is one of the few that actualy apply to me. 

My mother has been on Facebook for a little while now.  I don't really know why...other than the fact that she is a wee bit nosey!!!  She never posts updates, but she sure as heck knows what is going on with any member of the family that is currently on Facebook...myself included.  I suppose you could say she is more of a lurker than anything.  Maybe it is just that she does not understand the wonderfulness that is Facebook.

I just think that it is wonderful that someone who is entering their "golden years" can make their world a little bit smaller.  They can connect with others the same way that I can, or the same way that my brother (who is a college senior) can.  They have every right to connect with people all over the world who have the same interests.  They have every right to reconnect with old classmates, and they have every right to keep in touch with family all over the country, even all over the world. 

It is just bizarre to think that my mother, at the tender age of 60 is playing around on Facebook.  I am not sure if she is into farmville, yoville, or whatever...I think it keeps her young.

Love to All.

A Community That I Love...

...and that loves me back...

I got this blog topic idea from a google search.  I am stumped as to what to write about today.  There is so much carp going on in my head right now.  Like a compass, I need to be turned in the right direction.  One of the 100 topics that were listed to blog about is "A Community That I Love".  I actually have two.  One being the Disney Community, and the other being the Weight Watchers Community.

Both are so supportive and diverse.  Let me start with the Disney Community.  A while back, Amanda Tinney requested my friendship on Facebook.  I did not know Amanda, but saw that we had a few friends in common, that she loved all things Disney, and that she ran a website, disneyeveryday.com.  I checked out her website and decided that yes, I had to be friends with this person...we had too much in common!!!  On her site, she listed the twitter names of fellow "Disney-philes".  I began to follow some of them, and followed their blogs, if they had them.  Disney Nerds around the world unite!!!  I can thank Amanda for getting me in touch with several online friends.  We share a love of Disney, but are finding that we have much more in common.  I also followed JL Knopp's blog, thedisneydrivenlife.com.  She was one of the first Disney friends that I made on Facebook, and she is responsible for finding a common friend that I absolutely love.  We have connected as friends, mothers, sisters, working women...all with a little Pixie Dust.  I can't wait to meet her (and my other Disney friends) face to face.  This particular friend lives near Dallas, and I will be able to meet her when I visit a dear friends who happens to live in the same area!!!  I can't wait!!!  I have been a fan of Lou Mongello's before I became active on Facebook.  He runs the website wdwradio.com and is responsible for my favorite podcast, the Walt Disney World Radio Show.  He is a regular contributor to Celebrations Magazine, which I have every issue.  He is a WDW Trivia God.  Through him, I have made many online Disney friends.  I have more friends in common with him right now than I do my own family or people that I went to school with!!!  Now I realize that I will not personally get to know all of these people, or will I ever meet them...BUT I love being friendly with them online.  It is so nice to know that there are so many other Disney Nerds out there!!!

The other community that I have made a lot of online friends in is the Weight Watchers community.  We all struggle with weight loss, whether it is five pounds or 205 pounds to lose.  I have made friends with so many and we have cheered on success and supported each other during challenges.  I check in daily at weightwatchers.com, not only to track my own progress...but to check in on the friends that I have made.  Many of these friends have followed me over to Facebook and twitter.  I love the fact that I can get support and motivation on my journey 24/7.  I don't know how I handled weight loss before the internet.  Maybe I didn't.  Maybe THAT is why I need to lose 185 lbs!!!  Ha!!!  Just totally kidding!!!

Yes, I have not only one supportive, fun community...but am blessed enough to have two.  And I thank them both from the bottom of my heart for sharing my journey with me. 

Love to All.

Biking to the Castle and Books I am Reading Along the Way...

...I got this idea from some people out there in the twitterverse.  I figured out the mileage from my doorstep to the doorstep of Cinderella Castle.  Okay, so I could not get right to Cinderella Castle, but I was able to figure the mileage to Disney's Old Key West Resort, where we usually stay and tacked on another five miles for good measure (figuring it was five-ish miles to the Magic Kingdom).  Anyway.  I call it my "Bike to the Castle" challenge...and my goal is to bike the 1076 it is from my driveway to the round-about-area of Cinderella Castle.  It is one of my own personal challenges that I am working on.  The other is losing 24 lbs in 20 weeks in honor of  my favorite show, "24" which should end on my 37th birthday.  Whew!!!  So far I have biked 6.2 miles and lost 2 lbs.  Okay, so I started both of these challenges within the last week.  I started the "24" challenge on Sunday when the show started, so the weight loss is not quite accurate...but I did lose 2 lbs from my weigh in last Tuesday.  If you follow me.  Today was the first day of my biking challenge, and I managed 6.2 miles on the recumbent bike in 40 minutes.  The recumbent bike is made for fat girls like me.  We can sit and watch "The View" from the comfort of a seated stationary bike.  No annoying banana seats for me.  :) 

The other day, I was able to bike for a whole hour and went nearly ten miles.  I was so proud of myself.  I forgot my headset, but was glad that I did.  I went to Target earlier in the day and rewarded myself with a new book.  Don't get me started on why I buy books...that is for another blog entry.  Anyway, I am in love with the author Jen Lancaster.  She is witty and funny...and reminds me of myself just a smidge (except I am not so witty and funny).  She writes from the point of view of a pampered chubby grown-up princess.  Her writing has a lot of eighties and nineties references, so I am lead to believe she is around the same age as I am.  We share a love for fine labeled purses (Prada, kate spade), fine shoes (oh, to have her closet), the importance of a great haircut (how I love my hairdresser Matt) and fashion.  She is a total prep...and I can relate.  My style goes from edgy to preppy and everything in between.  Right now, I am in a preppy phase.  Of course, I can't afford not FIT into the preppiest preppy labels, so Old Navy has to do.  If I follow my heart and leave my job within the year, then it will definitely be Old Navy from now on.  But I love Old Navy, so that is not a problem.

To quote Matt the Juggler (shout out to my Disney friends)...I digress.

Jen Lancaster is so witty.  I just love her books.  I finished "Such a Pretty Fat" which was about her writing about her weight loss journey.  Too funny.  I loved the relationship her character (her???) developed with her trainer...a perky blonde named...Barbie.  :)  She is so descriptive, it felt like you were right there, sweating and dropping the pounds right next to her.

The book that I had purchased earlier in the day was, I believe her first one.  Not 100% sure on that one.  But I have been working on "Bitter is the New Black".  Hil-ar-ious.  I love this one.  She is rediscovering who she is and what she was after losing a lucrative job.  Anyway, here I am...the fat girl reading this book on the recumbent bike...happily peadling away.  The hour just flew by.  When I finish, I am going to reward myself with another one of her books, "Bright Lights, Big Ass".  Her lastest book "Pretty in Plaid" comes out in paperback in May.  I am not sure I can wait that long.  Jen Lancaster is one of those authors that deserves my purchasing her work in hardcover. 

Of course, in true Jen Lancaster form...her I am...fat, happy, pedalling girl on the comfy recumbent bike for an hour...the woman next to me was on "Mountain Bike" Mode AND using hand weights at the same time.  :)  I'll take my reading while biking any day!!!  She looked like she was sweating waaayyy too much!!!

Yes, I won't hide my love for light, airy, fluffy girly books.  I love them.  If you are looking for a funny read, I highly recommend Jen Lancaster. 

Love to All.

...good days...bad nights...well, okay...okay days...

The new meds that I am on for the bi-polar disorder are making me terribly sleepy.  It is all that I can do to keep my eyes open at work...with members right at my window!!!  I am not sure, do I give myself a few weeks to adjust to the meds...should it take that long???  Even my coworkers are noticing that I am not the same old me, in fact one said that I had a glazed over out of it look in my eyes.  YIKES!!!  That is kind of scary.  I just want to get the meds straightened out so I can live my life again.

As far as the day being good goes...I was very good on plan today.  Until I got home.  Then I ate two pieces of leftover pizza...and the M&Ms are calling my name.  I must be stronger than the candy!!!  I worked out this morning before work and that felt good!!!  I am down another 2 lbs this week...yeah!!!  Just 22 more in 20 weeks until my birthday.  I think I can do it!!!

I just don't know why the blog is not more exciting here of late...I have all sorts of clever, witty stuff going through my head...I just never write it down...never have the time!!!  Maybe I will start...

Love to All...

...good day...

The blog may be getting mundane, but it is my life...I want so badly to write, but I don't have much to write about.  It is a learning process, and I am taking it a step at a time as I go along. 

Today is a good day.  The sun is shining.  Mike and Michael are in good moods.  I am in a good mood.  I think the doctor has figured out the right meds for me to be on to keep me on an even keel.  I worked out this morning and feel great.  I have been OP food-wise so far.  I have a small plan of what I would like to get done today.  And heaven help me...24 is back on TV tonight!!!

Yes, there is a lot of carp going on...finances, bills, health...but I can honestly say that today is a good day.

Love to All.

...back in the saddle again...and it feels good!!!

Okay...so I am trying to straighten out a lot of carp in my life.  Finances.  Health.  Relationships.  Those are just what I can rattle off the top of my head.  Of course, one thing that I am tackling is my weight.  At this point in my journey, I have an astonishing 166 lbs. that I HAVE to lose.  This is down from the original 185.  I will be less than half my size.  You are smart enough to do the math and figure that I started this journey at an embarassing 345 lbs.  And I wonder why I can't have a baby.  I STILL weigh more than I did when I delivered Michael. 

My work schedule rarely allows me to attend Weight Watchers meetings.  I leave the house at 730 in the morning, and get home at 8 at night.  I like to be consistent with my weigh in days, but that is hard.  I do Weight Watchers online, and weigh myself HONESTLY every Tuesday. 

You can tell me all that you want about my scale not being as accurate as the one at a meeting.  Hooey.  My scale may not be as precise, but it is digital and I am HONEST about the number that I track...if I like it or not.  On Tuesdays, if the number goes up then I record it and move on.  I look over what I did over the past week and tweak it .  If the number goes down, then I look over what I did over the past week and CONTINUE it.  My weight is coming off slowly, but I have not gained it back...and that is what I am most proud of.  In the past, I would have been frustrated by how slow I am losing the weight and thrown in the towel.  The fact that I am sticking this out makes me proud.

Next, I know I get a lot of flack about not having the support of a meeting.  Yes, I do miss the accountability of a meeting.  I did not click with a lot of the leaders, and that is important.  I am considering going back to meetings...my husband does not want me to pay $40 a month for me to go to a meeting IF and WHEN it fits into my schedule.  I will go and talk to my old leader (who I loved) and see about attending meetings even if it is not a consistent day.

This leads me to the whole point of this post...I get all sorts of support and ideas from the Weight Watchers message boards.  They are like family to me, and I don't want to let them down.  The 200+ pounds to lose board is my favorite.  Everyone is so supportive.  Even though right now, I can't make it to a meeting, they hold me accountable.

I am straightening out so much right now, but I am able to check back in on the boards...and I picked up right were I left off...an boy, it feels good!!!

Love to All. 

...am I really THAT old???

Today I was listening to a "Classic" Rock station while I was running my errands this afternoon.  I heard a lot of songs that reminded me of my childhood...the kind of music that my father listened to...reminded me of warm, golden summer nights...when we played outside until the streetlights came on.  Just a simpler time all around.  I was pulling into Target (the Mother Ship) when "Sunday, Bloody Sunday" by U2 came on.  U2.  Classic Rock???  What???  Yes, I was reminded that the song was more than 25 years old and yes, I am that old!!!

Why do I have such problems facing the fact that I am a grown up???  I can't believe that I am 36 years old.  I still feel like a child.  I have a husband, a child, a house, two dogs, piles of bills, two cars...why do I feel like a child???  I feel like a child in my workplace, I feel like a child around my family, I feel like a child around my friends.  Do I let these people treat me like a child, or is that how I perceive it???  I have a hard time putting it into words...and anyway, how does someone start THINKING like a grown up???  I mean, I face challenges...but I expect someone to help me or bail me out...my knight in shining armor.  How did this happen???  How to I fix it???  How can I change it???

...the journey starts...again...

...my goal to lose weight is not just a New Year's Resolution...it is a year-round resolution for me.  I have apparently been struggling with my weight since I was about 8 or 9 years old.  I look back at photos of me at that time and wonder what made my mother try to put me on a diet at the time???  I remember the Sunday morning like it was yesterday.  My daddy usually made Sunday morning breakfasts with quite a flourish.  Bacon and eggs or pancakes or my favorite French Toast.  Chocolate milk or OJ.  My mother would sleep in and daddy would wake up early to make breakfast, usually one of us kids as his assistant.  This particular, cold, gloomy Sunday morning...I remember sitting on the couch, and my mother (who woke up early enough to prepare my breakfast) came into the Family Room with a flourish...she prepared me a healthy breakfast...I would be strong enough to be the first Girl Cardinals Baseball player.  This had to be around 1982 when my goal in life was to be the next Ozzie Smith or Willie McGee.  Ha.  :)  I sat down to a dry egg, dry toast, orange juice and some sort of fruit (I suspect canteloupe, because I can't stand it to this day).  EVERYONE else was sitting down to French Toast, bacon and syrup with chocolate milk (coffee for the adults).  I cried and refused to eat.  Why didn't my father stand up for me???  Why did my mother insist on making me eat this boring food???  I realize that yes, the meal my mother made for me was healthier...but if I was making this change, shouldn't my entire family???   I can see everyone eating their French Toast...almost seemingly rubbing it in my face.  From that day forward, I hated diets.  I still don't understand my mother's reasoning for putting a 9 year old on a diet...but that is for me and my therapist to work out.

This is a photo of me around that age.  I can't believe that my mother saw a fat little girl.  Maybe she needs to talk things out, maybe her mother insisted that she diet at a young age.  I am not sure.  I have touched on this, about this photo in particular in a previous blog post.

The journey begins again.  I have been on Weight Watchers off an on for 13 years now.  I have lost a total of 100 lbs, but have gained it all back...and then some.  I have learned a lot over the journey.  The whole, not a diet thing...yes.  I get that, but I am going to have to make a conscious effort on what I put into my mouth for the rest of my life.  I have made that change, and am ready to recommit.  I have been dilligent about working out...almost to the point of being obsessive.  That is okay, if I am gonna go all OCD over something right now, working out is okay!!!  I have to hold myself accountable.  I am shouting it out to the world.  I AM tackling this beast.  I AM going to win.  I AM going to be stronger and healthier.  I AM going to run that 5K next January.  I AM going to fit into that skirt (and I AM going to post pics of said skirt).  :)

Thanks for supporting me on this journey.  I need all of the help I can get.

Love to All.

...fear...paralyzing fear...

...why do I let fear take over my life???  Why am I obsessed that something bad is going to happen to me???  I drive down the highway at night and tighten my grip on the wheel as I go under an overpass...for fear that the cars driving on the overpass might topple over and crush me.  Seriously.  Right now, friends who live in the area are posting on FB and twitter that there is some sort of police search in the area.  It may be around a mile or so away, but I can hear the helicopters and am FREAKING out.  I don't know why the police are searching for anyone...nothing is on the news...nothing on the news sites on the internet.  Nothing.  I am holed up in my room, not going near the windows for fear that gunshots might hit me (I live in the suburbs, mind you...have not had a shooting in this area in YEARS).  I am not letting Little Man in his room because someone might break in the window and harm him.  I am letting something that is going on in my head HAUNT me.  My meds are supposed to stop this anxiety, but I fear they are making it worse!!!  I fear a lot of things...but these are fresh in my mind because they both happened this evening.  Am I supposed to take a "happy pill" and it makes everything better???  I am afraid to take an anxiety pill this evening, because what if I fall asleep and something bad happens???  This is crazy!!! 

No, this post was not full of any Pixie Dust today.  It has been a very bad day.  No Pixie Dust involved.  Just fear and just a bunch of bad things to stress me out.  I have sought help, it is just not working for me right now.

Love to All.

Am I admitting defeat???

I don't think so...I am still committed to blogging...I just think that I am giving up on the days of the week concept.  I think it was holding me back a little bit.  I was limited to whatever that day's topic was...and mind you, these were popular fifty years ago!!!  So,  I am not admitting defeat...just changing the way that I blog.  You are still going to get my workout mixes...I know everyone loves them so...all Adam Lambert, all the time!!!  You are still going to get how my life is like a circus...you are still going to get the whole anything can happen stuff...because, yes...anything CAN happen!!!  I just don't want to be held back by what I "have" to write about.

Love to All.

Wednesday ~ Anything Can Happen Day

I am actually starting this on a quiet Sunday evening.  I have to get most of my blogs out early, usually on Sundays.  If I did not do this, then the blog would slip through the cracks. 

Anyway.

The Wednesday theme is Anything Can Happen.  Today I am inspired by my wonderful, magical, one-of-a-kind son, Michael Anthony Pagnotti II.  Many times, I refer to him as Little Man, today I look at him and see a little boy...not my baby.  Of course, I tell him all the time that he will always be my baby...even when he is 80.  He does not understand that now, but I hope that he does someday...and will know that he holds the dearest, most special place in my heart.

Some of you may know that my Little Man was officially diagnosed at 4 with Asperger's Syndrome.  It is a high functioning form of Autism.  He barely spoke for the first four years of his life.  That was incredibly hard on us all...but most of all, it was hard on Michael himself!!!  Michael started a program at a preschool that is further from our home...but it has made all of the difference in the world!!!  My Little Man is holding conversations, he is asking questions, making observations!!!  Today, I watched him stand at the front door, and realized that yes, I am a Mommy to a Little Man...not a baby.  He is getting so tall, so handsome, so smart.  He greets me with a question when I come home from work...small things like "how was your day at work, Mommy?" or my favorite, "how was the water you drank at work today, Mommy?".  Never, ever take the small stuff for granted.  I don't.  I never thought this day would come.  I never thought my baby would hold a conversation.  It is possible.  Anything CAN happen.  We have a long way of speech therapy (we understand him, but others don't) and occupational therapy (a lot of his language delay is because he does not like the way his face feels when he forms words) to go...but I will take these small victories each and every day.

Love to All.

Tuesday ~ Guest Star Day

...umm...yeah, I got nothing!!!  I have no idea who to blog about today.  Nothing.  Nada. 

Monday ~ Fun With Music

On my drive to work on Sunday, I realized that most Sunday morning radio sucks.  All infomercials (on the radio, mind you) or religious programming.  Not that I am not a spiritual person or anything...but I am not into religious music.  I turned to an alternative (I HATE that term) station that I used to listen to many moons ago.  I found "new" music by a band called Silversun Pickups.  Their sound reminds me a little of the Smashing Pumpkins...in a way.  Off I go to download a bunch of their music.  Check them out if you feel the fancy...

http://www.silversunpickups.com/

Love to All.

Friday ~ Talent Roundup Day

Yet another hard topic for me.  Talent Roundup.  I am committed to this, and I think by sticking to this MMC Days of the Week theme, it forces me to look into things that I never might have before.  The other day a coworker and I were discussing my "need" for meds and therapy.  She asked me if I had any hobbies or interests that I could focus my energy on.  Well, I said.  Michael is my hobby.  She had to explain to me, that as much as I love Michael, he can't be my hobby.

What do I like to do???  What did I do before I had Michael???  Why is it so hard for me to find my passion???

Of course, I love Disney.  How can I make that my hobby???  I can't consider a second job to fund my Disney addiction...I did that when The Disney Stores were still around Saint Louis.  A second job is not a hobby, and my wonky work schedule won't allow a second job.

I like to scrapbook, but I can't take a good photo to save my life.  I am quite lazy about taking pictures.  I am not a snap a picture just because kinda gal...but perhaps I can take babysteps and scrapbook some of the photos that I already have.  Maybe I will start taking one day a month and do what I want to do.

Reading.  I do like to read, I just don't do a whole lot of it anymore.  Problem is, I get lost in a book.  I finish most books in one sitting.  Maybe I could carve out just 15 minutes at a time for my reading.  And stick to it!!!

Well, I suppose I have a plan for things, hobbies that I can be passionate about.  Any other suggestions are always welcome!!!
Love to All.