...yes, I have taken a few days off...when I got back into blogging about a month ago, I was gung-ho about blogging everyday. Well, life happens, and while I do spend a good part of my waking hours on the computer (far too much time), I don't always have something to talk about. The whole point of me blogging was kind of a vent/journalling for my therapist. I would rather take a couple of days off an put out a quality product rather than churning out something blah for quantity sake. I am over it. :)
As far as the housecleaning/organizing part of my life goes...I am chipping away. I still have a LONG way to go. Our neighborhood is having a community garage sale on 6/11...so our goal is to have the garage gutted (that is Mike's job) and a good deal of the crap from the basement. A little less than two months...it CAN be done!!! I am getting used to daily routines...even something as simple as emptying (and loading) the dishwasher or doing the laundry. I have to establish these routines. It may sound crazy to some, but it is NOT laziness...it is a bit of perfectionism rearing it's ugly head. It seems so overwhelming sometimes that I would rather not tackle it than do (possibly) a bad job. I have to figure, from now on, that even a bad job is at least a job done!!!
Little Man's IEP has been scheduled for May 9th. I am excited, but a little scared of what will come out of it. I am not sure why...
I re-joined Weight Watchers last week, and attended my second meeting this morning. I lost 3.4 lbs this week. Small loss, I know, but a loss is a loss...and it is all going to add up. I am very committed this time. It seems easier this time around, but I am also just starting!!! ;)
I know it is not much of a blogpost, but I wanted to tell myself that it was okay if I didn't post every. single. day.
On to the 30 Day Blog Challenge...
Day 15- Put your iPod on shuffle: First 10 songs that play
...this one should be easy, and fun!!!
Learn to Fly - Foo Fighters
What Time Is It? (Original Version) - High School Musical 2 Cast
I Alone - Live
Separate Ways (Worlds Apart) - Journey
XTC vs. Adam Ant - They Might Be Giants
Summer Breeze - Seals and Crofts
Lightning Crashes - Live
U + Ur Hand - Pink
Black Magic Woman - Santana
I've Been Waiting - Matthew Sweet
That's about it!!! All I know for now...
Love to All.
Monday, April 18, 2011
Thursday, April 14, 2011
...one day at a time...
I gotta take everything one day at a time...sometimes down to one hour, or even one minute at time. It is hard for a lot of people to understand. That is okay. I just keep doing what I gotta do. Just keep swimming, just keep swimming.
Little Man had a good day at school and a pretty good swim lesson.
Tomorrow will be the end of this crazy week, and for that I am thankful!!! I want things to get back to "normal".
Here is today's installment of the 30 Day Blog Challenge...
Day 14- A picture of you and your family
This one is pretty easy, however I had to go back to Thanksgiving 2009 to find it!!!
Must take more pictures.
Love to All.
Little Man had a good day at school and a pretty good swim lesson.
Tomorrow will be the end of this crazy week, and for that I am thankful!!! I want things to get back to "normal".
Here is today's installment of the 30 Day Blog Challenge...
Day 14- A picture of you and your family
This one is pretty easy, however I had to go back to Thanksgiving 2009 to find it!!!
Must take more pictures.
Love to All.
Wednesday, April 13, 2011
...Wordless Wednesday...
I know this is an old photo...but the eyes had me from the beginning. I love this Little Man!!!
Day 13 of the 30 Day Blog Challenge...
Day 13- A letter to someone who has hurt you recently
I may have to get back on this one...I have not really been hurt by anyone recently...except maybe myself. I always beat myself up!!! I might have to devote more time to this one!!!
Love to All.
Tuesday, April 12, 2011
...just another day...
...not much going on around here...worked, volunteered in Little Man's classroom, took a nap, puttered around the house, then the Tuesday afternoon routine (swim lessons and Exerfun). Tomorrow, I work for a bit in the afternoon (heaven help me...with 4th and 5th graders!!!) and we start Coach-Pitch baseball. I will admit, I am a little nervous about the whole being part of a team thing, but it is important for Little Man that we try...
...so, we are on Day 12 of the 30 Day Blogging Challenge...
Day 12- How you found out about Blogger and why you made one
I think I found out about Blogger via Twitter...many of my "tweeps" had blogs already and I began to follow them. I thought, why not??? The timing was perfect...my therapist wanted me to journal, and I am not a "pen and paper" person much anymore. Sure, my blog is not exciting, but it is therapeutic.
That is about it. The posts this week are short and sweet. Lots going on.
Love to All.
...so, we are on Day 12 of the 30 Day Blogging Challenge...
Day 12- How you found out about Blogger and why you made one
I think I found out about Blogger via Twitter...many of my "tweeps" had blogs already and I began to follow them. I thought, why not??? The timing was perfect...my therapist wanted me to journal, and I am not a "pen and paper" person much anymore. Sure, my blog is not exciting, but it is therapeutic.
That is about it. The posts this week are short and sweet. Lots going on.
Love to All.
Monday, April 11, 2011
...back on track???
Okay, so I put my big girl pants on and went back to a Weight Watchers meeting today. I am currently at the heaviest weight I have EVER been. I am even heavier now than when I delivered Little Man almost seven years ago. I seriously have to look at this as a lifestyle change (I know, I have always said that). I will have to monitor my food intake and activity for the rest of my life. I am not a professional, though I have visited professionals, but I believe that I am addicted to food. I don't eat if I am happy/sad/lonely/depressed, etc. I eat because I like it. It gives me a high. I equate this to what a drug addict or an alcoholic feels like when they get their "fix". Of course, you need food to live...you don't need drugs or alcohol. This is where the struggle comes in. I also look at the money side of it. I spent $140 at the grocery store yesterday, and I have to ask myself "what did I get???". I could spend four bucks at McDonalds, get two McChicken Sandwiches, a small fry and a large Diet Coke. All that, and I don't have to cook. I have to change my way of thinking. I bought a lot of fresh produce and lean proteins and low-fat dairy. Now, I have to learn how to cook/prepare/serve these things.
Tonight, not so good. Dinner was Macaroni & Cheese. Kraft. From a box.
I am getting better. The fast food thing is going to be hard. I am going to have to wrap my head around the new PointsPlus system. Mike and I are committed to going back to the gym this week. I just need to plan, and we all know how good I am at planning. :)
On to the 30 Day Blog Challenge...
Day 11- Another picture of you and your friends
This is a pretty old photo...I had to dig it out. Again, it is me, Lisa and Lia. I think this was taken in maybe 1993-1994-ish. I am not good with the dates. We may not have been 21 yet. If we were 21, it might be just barely...or Lia and Lisa were, and I still had not had my birthday. I remember thinking I was such a cow in this photo...oh, how I would love to go back to this weight. I would love to find a photo of me at my thinnest...which was around 1999-2000 when I was living in Florida. I did not know how to cook, and I did not have a lot of money to eat out all of the time. I am not sure how I survived, but I did. I was also very good about working out each and every day. I will have to see if I can find a photo and scan it in.
That is about all I know for now.
Love to All.
Tonight, not so good. Dinner was Macaroni & Cheese. Kraft. From a box.
I am getting better. The fast food thing is going to be hard. I am going to have to wrap my head around the new PointsPlus system. Mike and I are committed to going back to the gym this week. I just need to plan, and we all know how good I am at planning. :)
On to the 30 Day Blog Challenge...
Day 11- Another picture of you and your friends
This is a pretty old photo...I had to dig it out. Again, it is me, Lisa and Lia. I think this was taken in maybe 1993-1994-ish. I am not good with the dates. We may not have been 21 yet. If we were 21, it might be just barely...or Lia and Lisa were, and I still had not had my birthday. I remember thinking I was such a cow in this photo...oh, how I would love to go back to this weight. I would love to find a photo of me at my thinnest...which was around 1999-2000 when I was living in Florida. I did not know how to cook, and I did not have a lot of money to eat out all of the time. I am not sure how I survived, but I did. I was also very good about working out each and every day. I will have to see if I can find a photo and scan it in.
That is about all I know for now.
Love to All.
Sunday, April 10, 2011
...wiped out...
...so this will be short and sweet...just the 30 Day Blog Challenge today...
Day 10- Songs you listen to when you are Happy, Sad, Bored, Hyped, Mad
I don't get to listen to a whole lot of my own music it seems!!! I do like all sorts of music. I was mostly into the whole eighties-techno-new wave type music. My favorite group of all time was (is???) Depeche Mode. I also liked The Cure, INXS, U2 and They Might Be Giants. The Goo Goo Dolls were a favorite for awhile, as ws Matchbox Twenty (and the solo Rob Thomas). I listen to a lot of Disney Music, either from the movies or (my favorite) the Theme Parks. I might have to give this question some more thought and come back to it.
It is gonna be a crazy week, but I hope to get some "real" blogging in.
Love to All.
Day 10- Songs you listen to when you are Happy, Sad, Bored, Hyped, Mad
I don't get to listen to a whole lot of my own music it seems!!! I do like all sorts of music. I was mostly into the whole eighties-techno-new wave type music. My favorite group of all time was (is???) Depeche Mode. I also liked The Cure, INXS, U2 and They Might Be Giants. The Goo Goo Dolls were a favorite for awhile, as ws Matchbox Twenty (and the solo Rob Thomas). I listen to a lot of Disney Music, either from the movies or (my favorite) the Theme Parks. I might have to give this question some more thought and come back to it.
It is gonna be a crazy week, but I hope to get some "real" blogging in.
Love to All.
Saturday, April 9, 2011
...beautiful day...
...I feel renewed today...I feel that winter is over and spring is FINALLY here!!! Today the weather has been more summer-like, and I am okay with that. As I write this, it is 5:30 pm and still 89 degrees. I'll take it. I actually like (no, more like love) the warm weather. Little Man has had a good day. We went and saw the movie "Hop" this morning, and he loved it. He had a hard time with some of the previews (why previews are always so loud is beyond me), but regulated himself by plugging his ears. We went to lunch after Mike worked some overtime today, and he behaved. He played with the little girl,T*** that lives in the house behind us, they ran around in her sprinkler. She had another friend over as well, and he played very nicely with both of them...none of the needing to be first or being mean to the other girl because HE "was T***'s friend FIRST". He did very well. I was proud. Now he is playing Wii Sports Resort with Mike. A very good day, indeed.
Day 09- Something you’re proud of in the past few days
I would have to go with the conversation that I had with the father at swimming lessons on Thursday. MY Little Man, giving another father hope. It made me feel good.
That is about all for today. I am off to enjoy with my family.
Love to All.
Day 09- Something you’re proud of in the past few days
I would have to go with the conversation that I had with the father at swimming lessons on Thursday. MY Little Man, giving another father hope. It made me feel good.
That is about all for today. I am off to enjoy with my family.
Love to All.
Friday, April 8, 2011
...nothing at all today...
...I feel like I am neglecting the blog a little bit today...we have LOTS going on...so I will just stick with the 30 Day Blog Challenge...
Day 08- Short term goals for this month and why
My short term goal is just to get through the month!!! It is kind of busy in April...and I am picking up more hours at work next week (with the 4th and 5th graders...heaven help me!!!). Little Man has swim lessons, Exerfun and the start of Coach Pitch Baseball. This in addition to going to school. I have the extra hours at work and some professional development that needs to be completed. Easter is just around the corner. I just want to get to May (for lots of reasons).
That is about all for today. Sorry it was nothing much.
Love to All.
Day 08- Short term goals for this month and why
My short term goal is just to get through the month!!! It is kind of busy in April...and I am picking up more hours at work next week (with the 4th and 5th graders...heaven help me!!!). Little Man has swim lessons, Exerfun and the start of Coach Pitch Baseball. This in addition to going to school. I have the extra hours at work and some professional development that needs to be completed. Easter is just around the corner. I just want to get to May (for lots of reasons).
That is about all for today. Sorry it was nothing much.
Love to All.
Thursday, April 7, 2011
...it IS hard...
...today is just one of those days where I would rather sit on the couch and play a card game on my laptop. That ain't gonna happen!!! I try to sneak away and play a game, but that blank blogger screen behind my game won't go away, so I am just going to jump in and do it...
Of all things, Little Man's elementary school was on "external lockdown" because of a shooting (?!?!?) in a nearby neighborhood. To quote from the email that was sent to parents shortly after the incident, "Law enforcement does not believe that there is an immediate threat to our schools. However, as a precautionary measure, we will be going into exterior lockdown to limit the outside access to students. When schools go into exterior lockdown, school activity goes on as normal inside the building and there is no outside school activity." This meant that the kids were not able to go to recess or have outdoor PE classes, and it was such a shame because it was a very nice day today. Little Man did report that they had lunch in their classrooms, which I found interesting. Luckilly, the students did not notice much change to their regular routine, which is a good thing. Little Man is very into routine, and when his schedule is changed up he can have difficulty dealing with it. I talked to him about today's changes, and he had a little difficulty with his afternoon recess (it was indoors as opposed to the outdoor morning recess) and had to visit the Resource Room. Other than that, he had a pretty good day.
That all changed when we went to swim lessons.
For whatever reason, when we got to lessons today, all he wanted to do was play and float in the water, turn his listening ears off and not do a thing his instructor asked him to do. We had two major meltdowns. I had to explain to him that the instructor was there to not only teach him how to be a better swimmer, but she was there to keep him safe. The meltdowns left me exhausted and in tears. The instructor was so sweet and surprisingly knowledgable about kids on the spectrum (I did not give her enough credit the other day). It seems that she really wants to work with Little Man and see him succeed. I filled out the paperwork for his private swim lessons, and his instructor is going to have the woman in charge of their Special Needs Program (forgot the name for it already) observe him in his group class (most likely) on Tuesday. I am ready for this. I want him to succeed, and I want him to continue doing something he enjoys.
What most made my day was that a father came up to me after the lesson (I was wiped out and emotionally exhausted after that lesson) and asked me how old Little Man was. We got to talking, he said he heard me talking with the instructor on Tuesday, and that his 3 1/2 year old son was just diagnosed with Autism. He just said that it was high functioning, did not go into if it was Asperger's or not, but a lot of his son's characteristics sound like that of Little Man. He said that watching Little Man gave him hope. Now that is something that a Mama likes to hear. It sounds like his son is on the same path of treatments and therapies that Little Man was. This gave ME hope. I know we are doing everything we can for Little Man, but to "see" it from another parents eyes kind of cements it. I know some days are harder than others and we have our ups and downs, but this kind of makes me feel better.
Of course, this father I spoke with did not witness Little Man's two meltdowns (his son has lessons after us).
On to the 30 day blog challenge...
Day 07- A picture of someone/something that has the biggest impact on you
My Little Man has the greatest impact on me. I always knew I wanted to be a Mommy, but I never knew I could love someone so much. He is the greatest joy in my life. Yes, there are days where I am drained or I want to throw in the towel, but he keeps me going.
Love to All
Of all things, Little Man's elementary school was on "external lockdown" because of a shooting (?!?!?) in a nearby neighborhood. To quote from the email that was sent to parents shortly after the incident, "Law enforcement does not believe that there is an immediate threat to our schools. However, as a precautionary measure, we will be going into exterior lockdown to limit the outside access to students. When schools go into exterior lockdown, school activity goes on as normal inside the building and there is no outside school activity." This meant that the kids were not able to go to recess or have outdoor PE classes, and it was such a shame because it was a very nice day today. Little Man did report that they had lunch in their classrooms, which I found interesting. Luckilly, the students did not notice much change to their regular routine, which is a good thing. Little Man is very into routine, and when his schedule is changed up he can have difficulty dealing with it. I talked to him about today's changes, and he had a little difficulty with his afternoon recess (it was indoors as opposed to the outdoor morning recess) and had to visit the Resource Room. Other than that, he had a pretty good day.
That all changed when we went to swim lessons.
For whatever reason, when we got to lessons today, all he wanted to do was play and float in the water, turn his listening ears off and not do a thing his instructor asked him to do. We had two major meltdowns. I had to explain to him that the instructor was there to not only teach him how to be a better swimmer, but she was there to keep him safe. The meltdowns left me exhausted and in tears. The instructor was so sweet and surprisingly knowledgable about kids on the spectrum (I did not give her enough credit the other day). It seems that she really wants to work with Little Man and see him succeed. I filled out the paperwork for his private swim lessons, and his instructor is going to have the woman in charge of their Special Needs Program (forgot the name for it already) observe him in his group class (most likely) on Tuesday. I am ready for this. I want him to succeed, and I want him to continue doing something he enjoys.
What most made my day was that a father came up to me after the lesson (I was wiped out and emotionally exhausted after that lesson) and asked me how old Little Man was. We got to talking, he said he heard me talking with the instructor on Tuesday, and that his 3 1/2 year old son was just diagnosed with Autism. He just said that it was high functioning, did not go into if it was Asperger's or not, but a lot of his son's characteristics sound like that of Little Man. He said that watching Little Man gave him hope. Now that is something that a Mama likes to hear. It sounds like his son is on the same path of treatments and therapies that Little Man was. This gave ME hope. I know we are doing everything we can for Little Man, but to "see" it from another parents eyes kind of cements it. I know some days are harder than others and we have our ups and downs, but this kind of makes me feel better.
Of course, this father I spoke with did not witness Little Man's two meltdowns (his son has lessons after us).
On to the 30 day blog challenge...
Day 07- A picture of someone/something that has the biggest impact on you
My Little Man has the greatest impact on me. I always knew I wanted to be a Mommy, but I never knew I could love someone so much. He is the greatest joy in my life. Yes, there are days where I am drained or I want to throw in the towel, but he keeps me going.
Love to All
Wednesday, April 6, 2011
...not much still...
Yeah...not much going on in my little world right now. Worked a regular shift at work today...HOWEVER, when 8:30 rolled around, I made my way down to Little Man's classroom to volunteer for the next three hours!!! I am so fortunate to be able to help out the way I do, and I appreciate being able to work with children. I think the volunteering gives me "practice".
Little Man has been having some social skills issues lately...yesterday, he BIT another student at recess. This is our first biting incident. I don't know where it came from. I tried to talk to him about it, but he doesn't say much other than he was not feeling mad or angry when he did it. (?!?!?) I don't understand, but he won't sy much more. Today, things might have turned around a little bit. When he came home, he was excited because his "card" stayed on "green" all day His kindergarten teacher has a system of red/yellow/green cards for behavior. The green card means he had good behavior all day. That was good. He also earned a "PRIDE"ticket. When a student shows good behavior, demonstrates pride (PRIDE is also an acronym used for their school "pledge"), helps another student out or just plain does something worthwhile, they earn a "ticket". When the student earns 10 tickets, they get to have a lunch with the principal (whom Little Man thinks is a Rock Star anyway). Little Man has 61 of these tickets now!!! Most importantly, Little Man said that he apologized to the little boy who he bit yesterday. I asked if his teacher or resource teacher or a recess teacher prompted him to apologize. He said, "nope...I just decided to do it on my own. I was sorry for biting him and I wanted him to know". I MELTED. Small steps. Small steps.
Today is day 6 of the 30 day blog challenge...
Day 06- Favorite super hero and why
I have never really been into the whole super hero thing. Now, if you can consider Mickey Mouse a super hero, then he is my favorite. No, he does not wear a cape or tights, but I think he is pretty remarkable. Especially Sorcerer Mickey...he is curious and a little bit mischevious. I think that is all right!!!
That is about all I know for now.
Love to All.
Little Man has been having some social skills issues lately...yesterday, he BIT another student at recess. This is our first biting incident. I don't know where it came from. I tried to talk to him about it, but he doesn't say much other than he was not feeling mad or angry when he did it. (?!?!?) I don't understand, but he won't sy much more. Today, things might have turned around a little bit. When he came home, he was excited because his "card" stayed on "green" all day His kindergarten teacher has a system of red/yellow/green cards for behavior. The green card means he had good behavior all day. That was good. He also earned a "PRIDE"ticket. When a student shows good behavior, demonstrates pride (PRIDE is also an acronym used for their school "pledge"), helps another student out or just plain does something worthwhile, they earn a "ticket". When the student earns 10 tickets, they get to have a lunch with the principal (whom Little Man thinks is a Rock Star anyway). Little Man has 61 of these tickets now!!! Most importantly, Little Man said that he apologized to the little boy who he bit yesterday. I asked if his teacher or resource teacher or a recess teacher prompted him to apologize. He said, "nope...I just decided to do it on my own. I was sorry for biting him and I wanted him to know". I MELTED. Small steps. Small steps.
Today is day 6 of the 30 day blog challenge...
Day 06- Favorite super hero and why
I have never really been into the whole super hero thing. Now, if you can consider Mickey Mouse a super hero, then he is my favorite. No, he does not wear a cape or tights, but I think he is pretty remarkable. Especially Sorcerer Mickey...he is curious and a little bit mischevious. I think that is all right!!!
That is about all I know for now.
Love to All.
Tuesday, April 5, 2011
...wiped out...again...
...so this will be short and sweet...I worked another "long" day with the preschoolers today. I am tired and I ache. Little Man had swim lessons today. His instructor advised that he enroll in private lessons...because of social skills, temper tantrums and over the last three lessons, he is falling behind. I am actually okay with this. I don't want to take swim lessons away from him...he loves them so much. BUT, I don't want him to get frustrated. Yes, these lessons are going to cost a little more, but I think the payoff will be worth it.
Now, how do I arrange for a one person Little League team?!?!?
Day 05- A picture of somewhere you’ve been to
Ummm...Walt Disney World. To those of you who really know me...this should come as no surprise!!!
Love to All.
Now, how do I arrange for a one person Little League team?!?!?
Day 05- A picture of somewhere you’ve been to
Ummm...Walt Disney World. To those of you who really know me...this should come as no surprise!!!
Love to All.
Monday, April 4, 2011
...ick...
...I feel icky, oh so icky...
I did not sleep well last night. I stayed up later than usual (watching Wrestlemania, of all things...) and we had severe storms roll in the area around 2:30. Pair both of those with waking up at 5:30, and all I wanted to do was come home and go back to sleep.
Yeah, didn't happen.
One of the Preschool Teacher's Assistants called in sick, so I was asked to work until 2pm. I am wiped out. It is not like I have not done this before, because I have. Today, all day, all I could think about was how my weight is LITERALLY weighing me down. Preschoolers are so active...so full of energy. I could barely keep up. All of the ups and downs and bending and stretching. Even before I was asked to work late, I thought my knees were giving out. When the kiddos got out their mats and blankets for naptime, many of them asked for me to rub their backs, so they could fall asleep. Of course, I obliged...but I kept thinking to myself how I must have looked like a big blob of goo (much like Jabba The Hutt) "rolling" around the floor going from kid to kid. Ick.
So I worked from 6:30 am - 2 pm. I did not know I was going to be working past 8:30, so I did not eat anything. Of course, my supervisors and the Preschool teacher offered to give me a break if I wanted to grab something to eat. Heavens, no!!! I don't like to eat in front of anyone, so I declined. I could just wait until I got off of work at 2, right??? Wrong. I binged on, of all things, McDonalds. Ick. Then I had pizza for dinner. I am literally dry heaving. I feel fine, I am just gagging from the amount of food just sitting in my stomach right now.
I don't know if I am strong enough to change, yet something needs to be done. Yes, I have done Weight Watchers before...with moderate success...but I don't stick with it long enough to see it through. Yes, they tell me (and I know) that it is a lifestyle change. Right now, my lifestyle is lazy. Barely doing enough to get by. This all has to change. I am scared. For the first time ever (if you can believe this) the other day, it hit me...this is the only life that I have to live. Right now, I am dying. This addiction, this obesity, this lifestyle is killing me. I can't sugar-coat it. It is killing me.
Apparently, I have to be in the "right" mental state of mind to get the health/fitness part underway. Will this ever happen??? How do I make it happen??? I have a feeling that I will be making a call to my therapist soon.
So, I am on day 4 of the 30 day blogging challenge...I think it all kind of ties in to today's post...
Day 04- A habit that you wish you didn’t have
I honestly wish I could say that eating was a habit that I wish I didn't have...but I know that we have to eat to live. I just can't live to eat. I need to change my relationship with food. It can't rule my life. I have to know when to stop. I have to learn control.
I really don't have any "bad" habits to speak of. I tried a cigarette ONCE (and it was 13 years ago) when I had been drinking with friends...and vomited. I don't drink to speak of...I have not had a drink in years. I think I had a beer five or six years ago. I always said that I would rather eat my calories than drink them (that is why I love Diet Coke). I have curbed my spending habit. I guess one of my "habits" is Disney...but I don't regret that one. Yes, I would say that the OVEReating is a habit that I wish I didn't have.
That is about all I know. Hopefully the next post will be a little more positive!!! I am in a pretty good mood, just tired and very full.
Love to All.
I did not sleep well last night. I stayed up later than usual (watching Wrestlemania, of all things...) and we had severe storms roll in the area around 2:30. Pair both of those with waking up at 5:30, and all I wanted to do was come home and go back to sleep.
Yeah, didn't happen.
One of the Preschool Teacher's Assistants called in sick, so I was asked to work until 2pm. I am wiped out. It is not like I have not done this before, because I have. Today, all day, all I could think about was how my weight is LITERALLY weighing me down. Preschoolers are so active...so full of energy. I could barely keep up. All of the ups and downs and bending and stretching. Even before I was asked to work late, I thought my knees were giving out. When the kiddos got out their mats and blankets for naptime, many of them asked for me to rub their backs, so they could fall asleep. Of course, I obliged...but I kept thinking to myself how I must have looked like a big blob of goo (much like Jabba The Hutt) "rolling" around the floor going from kid to kid. Ick.
So I worked from 6:30 am - 2 pm. I did not know I was going to be working past 8:30, so I did not eat anything. Of course, my supervisors and the Preschool teacher offered to give me a break if I wanted to grab something to eat. Heavens, no!!! I don't like to eat in front of anyone, so I declined. I could just wait until I got off of work at 2, right??? Wrong. I binged on, of all things, McDonalds. Ick. Then I had pizza for dinner. I am literally dry heaving. I feel fine, I am just gagging from the amount of food just sitting in my stomach right now.
I don't know if I am strong enough to change, yet something needs to be done. Yes, I have done Weight Watchers before...with moderate success...but I don't stick with it long enough to see it through. Yes, they tell me (and I know) that it is a lifestyle change. Right now, my lifestyle is lazy. Barely doing enough to get by. This all has to change. I am scared. For the first time ever (if you can believe this) the other day, it hit me...this is the only life that I have to live. Right now, I am dying. This addiction, this obesity, this lifestyle is killing me. I can't sugar-coat it. It is killing me.
Apparently, I have to be in the "right" mental state of mind to get the health/fitness part underway. Will this ever happen??? How do I make it happen??? I have a feeling that I will be making a call to my therapist soon.
So, I am on day 4 of the 30 day blogging challenge...I think it all kind of ties in to today's post...
Day 04- A habit that you wish you didn’t have
I honestly wish I could say that eating was a habit that I wish I didn't have...but I know that we have to eat to live. I just can't live to eat. I need to change my relationship with food. It can't rule my life. I have to know when to stop. I have to learn control.
I really don't have any "bad" habits to speak of. I tried a cigarette ONCE (and it was 13 years ago) when I had been drinking with friends...and vomited. I don't drink to speak of...I have not had a drink in years. I think I had a beer five or six years ago. I always said that I would rather eat my calories than drink them (that is why I love Diet Coke). I have curbed my spending habit. I guess one of my "habits" is Disney...but I don't regret that one. Yes, I would say that the OVEReating is a habit that I wish I didn't have.
That is about all I know. Hopefully the next post will be a little more positive!!! I am in a pretty good mood, just tired and very full.
Love to All.
Sunday, April 3, 2011
...day by day...
...today has been a bit of a struggle. Sometimes I feel like a defiant child. When I get told something, I want to do the opposite. Every day, I have to work at this.
We are watching Wrestlemania 27 this evening (again, don't judge!!!) so I will make this short and sweet tonight...
Day 03- A picture of you and your friends
...this is a photo of me, Lisa and Lia. I have known Lisa since we were 11, and in the same sixth grade class. She now lives near Boston. I have know Lia since we were about 13 and in (awkward) middle school. Lia lives about 20 minutes away, and ashamedly, I don't spend enough time with her. Embarassingly, this photo was taken aout a year and a half ago. I need to a) spend more time with friends and b) take more pictures...of friends, Little Man, life in general.
That is about all I have for now.
Love to All.
We are watching Wrestlemania 27 this evening (again, don't judge!!!) so I will make this short and sweet tonight...
Day 03- A picture of you and your friends
...this is a photo of me, Lisa and Lia. I have known Lisa since we were 11, and in the same sixth grade class. She now lives near Boston. I have know Lia since we were about 13 and in (awkward) middle school. Lia lives about 20 minutes away, and ashamedly, I don't spend enough time with her. Embarassingly, this photo was taken aout a year and a half ago. I need to a) spend more time with friends and b) take more pictures...of friends, Little Man, life in general.
That is about all I have for now.
Love to All.
Saturday, April 2, 2011
...had a good day...almost forgot about day two...
...we have had a pretty good day...the AT&T U-Verse guy showed up EARLY and we think he FINALLY fixed the problem we have had with our televisions for over a month now. We had a really nice lunch, it was All-You-Can-Eat, and I was surprisingy full after a salad and one plate. Ummm, All-You-Can-Eat. I did really well this time, I think. We waited around and had dessert a little while later. We capped the day off with a visit to the park. Of course, in between, Mike did kind of ride me about what little I have been doing around the house. I pointed out what I have done. He acknowledged that, but kept on about what still needs to be done. He does not understand. I can't change that. I am working on what I can do.
Anyway. It was a good day, overall.
Here is day two of the thirty day challenge...
Day 02- The meaning behind your Blog name
...I really did not put a lot of thought behind it...my blog was created originally because my therapist wanted me to journal. I used to do a lot of writing when I was younger, but anymore, I find that I don't have the "time" to put pen to paper. My blog was more of an outlet, and not very exciting. It was to focus on, just another day. The my little world part was just because it is supposed to be the goings-on of what happens, in my little world. Not very exciting.
That is about it. All-in-all it was a good day.
Love to All.
Anyway. It was a good day, overall.
Here is day two of the thirty day challenge...
Day 02- The meaning behind your Blog name
...I really did not put a lot of thought behind it...my blog was created originally because my therapist wanted me to journal. I used to do a lot of writing when I was younger, but anymore, I find that I don't have the "time" to put pen to paper. My blog was more of an outlet, and not very exciting. It was to focus on, just another day. The my little world part was just because it is supposed to be the goings-on of what happens, in my little world. Not very exciting.
That is about it. All-in-all it was a good day.
Love to All.
Friday, April 1, 2011
...already stuck...and tired!!!
Okay...so I am tired. I napped today, yes. I worked three more hours than usual, yes. We had fish fry from the nearest Catholic Church for dinner (no, I am not Catholic, but I appreciate their tasty, fried fish). I am wiped. My boss, who drives 45 minutes to our job, works full time, has a husband and three kids, one of whom is a special needs (Downs Syndrome) three year old, and she seems to always have IT together...my boss tells me that I "look tired". Yes, today I was part of a team that overlooked 25 full-of-energy-and-not-wanting-to-listen-kindergarteners...that may have had me a little frazzled, but I have NO excuse to look "tired". I don't do enough to merit a "tired" look. I know this whole changing-my-life thing is going to come slowly, but I should not look or feel tired.
But, tonight I am wiped out.
I am going to default tonight to starting one of those cheesey "30 Day Challenge" things that I can bounce back on on days like this. I will still blog when I have something to talk about (tonight, I got nuttin'), but I will commit to at least updating this over the next 30 days...
Day 01- A recent picture of you and 15 interesting facts about yourself
...a recent picture of myself...I don't feel pretty or skinny enough to take pictures, so there are very few of me. The one used for my blog, most websites where you have to upload a pic of yourself, twitter and facebook are all from a Christmas Party in 2009. It has been cropped to high-heaven so you can't quite see my cheeks and double chin!!! I think I may have a pic of me from Walt Disney World last fall...must work on taking more pictures so my future grandchildren and great-grandchildren will actually know what I look like...
...okay, so there is a pic of me, Mike (LOVE the classy wife-beater he is wearing in what is our most recent family pic) and Little Man. Yes, my husband is a born-and-raised Floridian, and his philosophy while being in the Florida sun is NO SLEEVES. Classy. I try not to take too many pics of him while we are on vacation!!!
Fifteen interesting facts about me...this may take longer than I thought...
1) I am the oldest of five children. We all range in age from 22 to 37. I thought I was going to have a big family as well...but am secretly glad that Little Man is an only child.
2) I love working with my preschoolers and kindergarteners. I really think that I relate to them...I am a big kid at heart!!!
3) I wanted to be a teacher when I grew grow up. First, I have to grow up!!! Second, I have to get over my phobia of chalk!!! Thank goodness most classrooms went to white boards!!!
4) I am NOT a good cook at all. I have ruined Hamburger Helper, and Little Man has described my Kraft Macaroni & Cheese as "yucky". I am trying, and getting better (Little Man will now eat my mac & cheese). I am so not a cook that, when I met Mike, all I had in my kitchen was a box of chocolate Teddy Grahams and a case of Diet Cherry Coke. I blame my weight gain on his ability to cook and his feeling sorry for me and feeding me.
5) I miss Florida. I love Saint Louis. I hate winter weather. My family keeps me here.
6) I loved working for Disney, but at the end of the day, I prefer being a Guest.
7) I like to watch professional wrestling. Don't judge.
8) I am a "reformed" shopaholic. I use the term reformed loosely. Yes, there was a time when my Target addiction was upwards of $1000 a month. Yes. Target. I still like to shop, but don't spend that kind of money. I am not as compulsive as I used to be. I thank therapy for this.
9) Yes, in case you are new to the blog, I can admit freely that I have been in therapy. I still need therapy. It is an ongoing thing.
10) Diet Coke and Diet Dr. Pepper are gifts from God. Really. Have you worked with 3-4-5 year olds at 6:30 in the morning???
11) Even though I have to be at work at 6:30 in the morning, I am not a morning person. Morning and I have never been friends.
12) I love to read, and it is not uncommon for me to get into a new book and stay up all night reading it.
13) I love to watch SpongeBob SquarePants with my Little Man. I also adore the show Olivia on NickJr. If you haven't seen it, I highly recommend it. I don't care how old you are. She is a very wise little pig.
14) That being said, I don't know what I would do without my DVR. I can watch "my" shows whenever I get a chance.
15) I can't believe that I came up with 15 different things. Interesting or not, I did it!!!
So I don't forget the daily topics, I have listed them in today's post...
Day 02- The meaning behind your Blog name
Day 03- A picture of you and your friends
Day 04- A habit that you wish you didn’t have
Day 05- A picture of somewhere you’ve been to
Day 06- Favorite super hero and why
Day 07- A picture of someone/something that has the biggest impact on you
Day 08- Short term goals for this month and why
Day 09- Something you’re proud of in the past few days
Day 10- Songs you listen to when you are Happy, Sad, Bored, Hyped, Mad
Day 11- Another picture of you and your friends
Day 12- How you found out about Blogger and why you made one
Day 13- A letter to someone who has hurt you recently
Day 14- A picture of you and your family
Day 15- Put your iPod on shuffle: First 10 songs that play
Day 16- Another picture of yourself
Day 17- Someone you would want to switch lives with for one day and why
Day 18- Plans/dreams/goals you have
Day 19- Nicknames you have; why do you have them
Day 20- Someone you see yourself marrying/being with in the future
Day 21- A picture of something that makes you happy
Day 22- What makes you different from everyone else
Day 23- Something you crave for a lot
Day 24- A letter to your parents
Day 25- What I would find in your bag
Day 26- What you think about your friends
Day 27- Why are you doing this 30 day challenge
Day 28- A picture of you last year and now, how have you changed since then?
Day 29- In this past month, what have you learned
Day 30- Your favorite song
...here is to getting through the next thirty days...heck, here is to getting through the next thirty hours!!! I can do it!!!
Love to All.
But, tonight I am wiped out.
I am going to default tonight to starting one of those cheesey "30 Day Challenge" things that I can bounce back on on days like this. I will still blog when I have something to talk about (tonight, I got nuttin'), but I will commit to at least updating this over the next 30 days...
Day 01- A recent picture of you and 15 interesting facts about yourself
...a recent picture of myself...I don't feel pretty or skinny enough to take pictures, so there are very few of me. The one used for my blog, most websites where you have to upload a pic of yourself, twitter and facebook are all from a Christmas Party in 2009. It has been cropped to high-heaven so you can't quite see my cheeks and double chin!!! I think I may have a pic of me from Walt Disney World last fall...must work on taking more pictures so my future grandchildren and great-grandchildren will actually know what I look like...
...okay, so there is a pic of me, Mike (LOVE the classy wife-beater he is wearing in what is our most recent family pic) and Little Man. Yes, my husband is a born-and-raised Floridian, and his philosophy while being in the Florida sun is NO SLEEVES. Classy. I try not to take too many pics of him while we are on vacation!!!
Fifteen interesting facts about me...this may take longer than I thought...
1) I am the oldest of five children. We all range in age from 22 to 37. I thought I was going to have a big family as well...but am secretly glad that Little Man is an only child.
2) I love working with my preschoolers and kindergarteners. I really think that I relate to them...I am a big kid at heart!!!
3) I want
4) I am NOT a good cook at all. I have ruined Hamburger Helper, and Little Man has described my Kraft Macaroni & Cheese as "yucky". I am trying, and getting better (Little Man will now eat my mac & cheese). I am so not a cook that, when I met Mike, all I had in my kitchen was a box of chocolate Teddy Grahams and a case of Diet Cherry Coke. I blame my weight gain on his ability to cook and his feeling sorry for me and feeding me.
5) I miss Florida. I love Saint Louis. I hate winter weather. My family keeps me here.
6) I loved working for Disney, but at the end of the day, I prefer being a Guest.
7) I like to watch professional wrestling. Don't judge.
8) I am a "reformed" shopaholic. I use the term reformed loosely. Yes, there was a time when my Target addiction was upwards of $1000 a month. Yes. Target. I still like to shop, but don't spend that kind of money. I am not as compulsive as I used to be. I thank therapy for this.
9) Yes, in case you are new to the blog, I can admit freely that I have been in therapy. I still need therapy. It is an ongoing thing.
10) Diet Coke and Diet Dr. Pepper are gifts from God. Really. Have you worked with 3-4-5 year olds at 6:30 in the morning???
11) Even though I have to be at work at 6:30 in the morning, I am not a morning person. Morning and I have never been friends.
12) I love to read, and it is not uncommon for me to get into a new book and stay up all night reading it.
13) I love to watch SpongeBob SquarePants with my Little Man. I also adore the show Olivia on NickJr. If you haven't seen it, I highly recommend it. I don't care how old you are. She is a very wise little pig.
14) That being said, I don't know what I would do without my DVR. I can watch "my" shows whenever I get a chance.
15) I can't believe that I came up with 15 different things. Interesting or not, I did it!!!
So I don't forget the daily topics, I have listed them in today's post...
Day 02- The meaning behind your Blog name
Day 03- A picture of you and your friends
Day 04- A habit that you wish you didn’t have
Day 05- A picture of somewhere you’ve been to
Day 06- Favorite super hero and why
Day 07- A picture of someone/something that has the biggest impact on you
Day 08- Short term goals for this month and why
Day 09- Something you’re proud of in the past few days
Day 10- Songs you listen to when you are Happy, Sad, Bored, Hyped, Mad
Day 11- Another picture of you and your friends
Day 12- How you found out about Blogger and why you made one
Day 13- A letter to someone who has hurt you recently
Day 14- A picture of you and your family
Day 15- Put your iPod on shuffle: First 10 songs that play
Day 16- Another picture of yourself
Day 17- Someone you would want to switch lives with for one day and why
Day 18- Plans/dreams/goals you have
Day 19- Nicknames you have; why do you have them
Day 20- Someone you see yourself marrying/being with in the future
Day 21- A picture of something that makes you happy
Day 22- What makes you different from everyone else
Day 23- Something you crave for a lot
Day 24- A letter to your parents
Day 25- What I would find in your bag
Day 26- What you think about your friends
Day 27- Why are you doing this 30 day challenge
Day 28- A picture of you last year and now, how have you changed since then?
Day 29- In this past month, what have you learned
Day 30- Your favorite song
...here is to getting through the next thirty days...heck, here is to getting through the next thirty hours!!! I can do it!!!
Love to All.
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