Tuesday, October 6, 2009

...keeps me going...

Well...my Little Man is in Walt Disney World with my parents...and is having a BLAST!!!  I am so glad for him, but I miss him terribly.  I don't let myself dwell on it, though.  Sunday was a bit rough.  I had to work, while DH took Little Man and my parents to the airport...so I don't feel like I got to say a real goodbye.  :0(  I know he is in good hands...but there are little things that I miss.  I guess what I am saying is treasure every moment.  Even the ones that drive you nutty!!!  On Sunday, I also found out some great news...my baby sister is pregnant with number two.  I am SO happy for her.  I can't wait!!!  While I am very happy for her and her family...I am a little sad.  DH and I have been trying for four years with no luck.  I don't know.  We had no problem with Little Man, in fact, he was a bit of a surprise!!!  I have to wonder if it is my weight, the meds I am on, my depression...what?!?!?  When I was at the doctor a little over a week ago, he said that my blood pressure was back on track, though I would still be considered high risk if I got pregnant (I had problems with my blood pressure with Little Man).  I keep telling myself that God only gives you what you can handle...and with Little Man needing my undivided attention when he was small, I could not have handled a second child at the time.  Now he is older, and doing so well...I am ready...my body is not.  I am scared, because I am not getting any younger.  I just turned 36.  Now, I know women can have babies at a much older age than 36...but DH is 43 and he is freaked out.  He knows that he will be an older dad, and wants to make sure that he is around for all of "those" moments. 

Long story short, this is what keeps me going as far as staying OP and on track with Weight Watchers.  Not just for my health and well-being, not just for being able to play and run around with Little Man, not just for looking better in clothes that I WANT to wear, not clothes that I HAVE to wear...but I really am ready for that baby.  Really ready.

I have been OP and down another 3 lbs.  I know every week is not going to be like that...but I will take what I can get.  I am taking my meds religiously, and feeling better.  I am not in quite as many funks as I usually can be.  I actually am beginning to feel a little motivated.  This excites me.  I am living my life again.  This has been a rough year.  I look back and am embarassed about how depressed I got.  I can't live in the past, but live in the moment and look toward the future.

I am ready!!!

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