...again...I did not realize how boring of a person I really was!!!

...not much going on around here again...well, okay...maybe a lot going on...but I just don't know where to start...

Have my DNephew here this evening.  Wow.  He is a 20 month old bundle of energy!!!  We picked him up a little bit before 5 pm, and he slept in the car!!!  It is about a half an hour drive from my DSister's house to ours.  That is all it took...and now he won't go to sleep!!!  I am just hoping that he and Little Man crash soon!!!  I have to take my (new) meds this evening and they will knock me out...literally!!!

I plan on taking them to the pumpkin patch EARLY tomorrow...and remember, I am NOT a morning person!!!  The place tends to get crowded, and I still have issues with crowds...figure that one out...worked for Disney for years...played in the parks on my days off...but a crowd at the pumpkin patch freaks me out.  Maybe it comes with age...maybe it comes with the weight gain...who knows?!?!?

Ummmm...went to a new doctor on Friday...a psycharistist (sp).  I have been officially diagnosed as bi-polar with OCD tendicies. 

You might think that would freak me out...but it doesn't.  It actually empowers me.  I FINALLY know why I tick the way I tick.  I finally have an answer.  I finally know what is going on.  My only concern is with the medication.  Okay, kind of a vain reason...but the meds can cause weight gain.  Now, I know I am only down 17 lbs. so far on my journey (just a drop in a very big bucket)...but I hate the idea that I may not have a lot of control over if and when I may gain.  My new doc advised me to stick with WW and stick with working out (which I should be doing more of) and I should do just fine.  I just MIGHT gain, it is not said that I will gain for sure.  Her main concern is if (and it is a BIG if) I get pregnant...not that bi-polar women have not had healthy babies...she just wants to make sure that I am off my meds and monitored...great.  Scary thought.

I am wondering if my weight is catching up with me.  My body aches...lately it has been my knees.  I have not worked out because it hurts...swimming is easier...but I have not been feeling up to it...but maybe now that I have a course of action for my mental health the working out will get easier...

For now I am just happy that DNephew crashed and Little Man is almost there.  I also think it is hilarious that Little Man is losing his voice (due to just a simple sore throat...I hope!!!) and does not know what to think of it...he has never been hoarse before!!!

...not much going on...and that's the way I like it...

Not much to report on today...back at work...just for a day and a half this week...I'll take that!!!  A lot to do in the next few days...we have a PAT (Parents As Teachers) visit on Friday morning...and she is going to be AMAZED by Little Man's progress...I can forsee that.  I am really looking forward to her coming this week.  Little Man has grown by leaps and bounds since the school year started in July (we are on year-round schools here).  I am so proud of him.

Friday afternoon, while Little Man is at school, I have an appointment to see a psycharist (sp???  where is the spellcheck in this darn thing?!?!?).  I am a little scared.  I am a little excited.  I am going on the advice of my therapist.  She helps me talk things out, but the doctor should be able to help me manage my medication and work on some of my compulsive tendicies.  Lets hope it helps!!!  Maybe we can get to the medical reason of why I tick the way I tick...of course DH is concerned about the financial end of it...each visit to a specialist costs me a $30 copay.  The way I look at it, the copay is a small price to pay...I could be out spending money or eating...both of which are more detremental (sp???  reminder to find the spell check on this site...).

I offered to care for my 20 month old nephew Saturday night.  What was I thinking?!??!  :0)  I don't mind.  I know my sister will do the same for me.  I am taking Little Man and my nephew to the Pumpkin Patch Sunday morning.  They have pony rides, a little train, a straw maze, petting zoo, etc.  Little Man loves to go there every year...and I am excited to take my nephew.  Until I am able to give Little Man a little brother or sister (or more like IF I am able) his cousin is all he has, and he really cares for him like a litle brother.  In a way, taking care of my nephew is therapeutic for me.  Hopefully I will get some good pics and figure out how to post them up here!!!

Oh yeah, I am taking the boys to the Pumpkin Patch first thing Sunday morning, 10 am as soon as it opens...just because DH said I couldn't.  Not that he is not allowing me to go, no...he said that I couldn't get up, ready and going anywhere at 10 am on a Sunday off .  Bah!!!  I am out to prove him wrong!!!   I am so stubborn about proving people wrong, sometimes!!!

...the best of intentions...

...okay...my well-planned day started off on the wrong foot when I slept in nearly 45 minutes!!! Yikes!!! That means that my well thought out breakfast (1c fresh strawberries and WW chocolate smoothie = 2 fruit/veg and 1 milk!!!) was skipped in favor of 3 pts worth of Goldfish Pretzles and a Diet Dr. Pepper.




Mid-day snack was to be a small apple and string cheese (3 pts total and 1 fruit/veg)...yeah ended up being more Goldfish Pretzels.



Lunch was to be carrots (1c, 1 fruit/veg) and a HUGE salad...would have fit in MORE than all of my fruit/veg. Yeah, ended up eating two Lean Pockets (11 pts. total).



Snack should have been another apple and more carrots. Yeah. Ended up being MORE Goldfish crackers.



Was so hungry on the way home (gee, could it be because I ate JUNK all day?!?!?) that I ended up getting a Cheeseburger Happy Meal. ACK!!! It did not taste good, and cost me precious points. Ick!!!



The only good thing about this is that I have my meals and snacks all ready ready all ready for tomorrow!!! Plus, my choice of a Happy Meal was more favorable than what the "old me" would have ordered...two Big Macs, XL fries and XL Diet Coke...



Gotta set the alarm clock to go off earlier tomorrow...maybe I should go to bed earlier tonight!!! Regardless, I tracked it and moved on...tomorrow is another day...

...real reason in mind...

I touched on this on the WW boards earlier this evening...the real reason why I am committed to staying on plan.  All of the regular reasons...my health, my well-being, for my son and his future, for my husband...the list could go on and on and on for the reasons why I stay OP.

One big reason is a skirt. 

Sounds silly, but a skirt keeps me inline.  I bought the skirt two years ago, while I still worked at the Disney Stores.  A skirt I would have never bought.  First off, it was about ten sizes too small!!!  Second, it was white.  White.  White with Disney characters around the hem.  Never in a million years would fat me wear such a thing...but skinny me can't wait to take that skirt out and wear it on a vacation to WDW!!!  It may take me a couple more years, but I will get there!!! 

Down almost 17 lbs. so far.  Slower than I am used to when I have been on WW in the past, but I keep telling myself that slow and steady wins the race.  I did not gain this weight overnight and I am not going to lose it overnight.

I am determined to get pics up of my "before".  I am still camera shy...I know it won't be a true picture of me at my heaviest...but you'll still get the idea...

...just another day...

...not much going on...worked, day seemed very looooonnnngggg...now, here it is after 9 pm.  I might just turn in early this evening.  Should be spectacular sleeping weather, and I am tired!!!  DH is not feeling well, but he is in the kitchen cleaning up...how did I get so lucky?!?!?  Seriously, he "crashed" earlier this evening (he is diabetic) and is still not feeling 100%...but he insists on cleaning up.  I really love him...and not just because he cleans the kitchen!!!  I could not ask for a better husband and father to Little Man.  I really am blessed.

Managed to stay OP today...I am glad for that...not up for much planning this evening, so I may "wing it" tomorrow...kind of worries me, but I have been doing all right so far.  My co-workers know about my journey, and support me on it...heck, everyone I work with (there are six of us total) are seriously on some sort of diet or plan!!!

Still taking meds as I should...feeling better.  Sometimes I hate that I have to take the meds to keep me on an even keel...but I have to put my faith in the team I have assembled to help me with my health and well being...physically, mentally, emotionally and spiritually.  I am sure I forgot something or someone...but I know we are all working together to get me where I need (want) to be.

Good night friends, don't think I can stay up for the rest of the Cardinals Central Division Playoff game...too late for me tonight...darn west coast games!!!  :0)

...keeps me going...

Well...my Little Man is in Walt Disney World with my parents...and is having a BLAST!!!  I am so glad for him, but I miss him terribly.  I don't let myself dwell on it, though.  Sunday was a bit rough.  I had to work, while DH took Little Man and my parents to the airport...so I don't feel like I got to say a real goodbye.  :0(  I know he is in good hands...but there are little things that I miss.  I guess what I am saying is treasure every moment.  Even the ones that drive you nutty!!!  On Sunday, I also found out some great news...my baby sister is pregnant with number two.  I am SO happy for her.  I can't wait!!!  While I am very happy for her and her family...I am a little sad.  DH and I have been trying for four years with no luck.  I don't know.  We had no problem with Little Man, in fact, he was a bit of a surprise!!!  I have to wonder if it is my weight, the meds I am on, my depression...what?!?!?  When I was at the doctor a little over a week ago, he said that my blood pressure was back on track, though I would still be considered high risk if I got pregnant (I had problems with my blood pressure with Little Man).  I keep telling myself that God only gives you what you can handle...and with Little Man needing my undivided attention when he was small, I could not have handled a second child at the time.  Now he is older, and doing so well...I am ready...my body is not.  I am scared, because I am not getting any younger.  I just turned 36.  Now, I know women can have babies at a much older age than 36...but DH is 43 and he is freaked out.  He knows that he will be an older dad, and wants to make sure that he is around for all of "those" moments. 

Long story short, this is what keeps me going as far as staying OP and on track with Weight Watchers.  Not just for my health and well-being, not just for being able to play and run around with Little Man, not just for looking better in clothes that I WANT to wear, not clothes that I HAVE to wear...but I really am ready for that baby.  Really ready.

I have been OP and down another 3 lbs.  I know every week is not going to be like that...but I will take what I can get.  I am taking my meds religiously, and feeling better.  I am not in quite as many funks as I usually can be.  I actually am beginning to feel a little motivated.  This excites me.  I am living my life again.  This has been a rough year.  I look back and am embarassed about how depressed I got.  I can't live in the past, but live in the moment and look toward the future.

I am ready!!!

...okay...no excuses, all right?!?!?

I still don't know why I can't grasp this whole taking time to blog thing.  I am supposed to be journalling anyway, and I spend all sorts of time (wasting, I think so...) on the computer...but I can't seem to take a few minutes to summarize what is going on in my world.  Being a Mommy, being a wife, working full time, taking care of the house, weight loss, depression, anxiety, my LOVE of all things Disney...there is SO much going on in my mind at any one given time.  Here it is, almost noon...did a few loads of laundry...have Little Man just about packed for his vacation (yes, he gets a vacation...I don't...BOO!!!).  Other than that, I am not very motivated.  On a positive note, I am down 2.5 lbs for the week (yeah!!!) and have stayed OP all day (have to take it one day at a time, you know).  Bad note, I feel that TOM is about ready to make his visit...UGH.  I have to be very disciplined not to make this a disaster plan-wise.  We will see what the week brings.

Yeah!!!  I did it...just wrote a little about what is going on.  Nothing big, nothing spectacular.  But I did it, and that is a huge accomplishment for me!!!