Friday, April 13, 2012

I Did It (Again) and Why I Feel Stuck

I joined Weight Watchers.


It works, I just have to work at it.  I am getting back into tracking, watching, measuring, weighing.  It is going to take some work.  Work, emotionally as well.

I can do well for most of the day...then see Dove Chocolate Bars at the checkout at Walgreens.

Wow.  3 Dove bars for $2.00???  Sign me up.

Got home.  Ate.  All.  Three.  I didn't even think about it.  I didn't even taste them. I wasn't even hungry.  They weren't even satisfying.  Not 100% sure what I was looking for.

Today has been better.  Not by much, but better.

Big Daddy wanted McDonald's (of course).  When I was leaving for work, he let me know this, and asked if I would pick it up on my way home around 1:00.  Sure.  I can do that.  I can get a salad.  Big Daddy says he doesn't go to McDonald's for salads.  I tell him that I actually like them, that they are pretty good.

He asks, "so this means you are never eating a burger and fries again???"

"Of course not."  I reply.  "I just won't be getting two double cheeseburgers, a chicken sandwich, a large fries and a diet Coke."

Before you gag, this is what my McDonald's order was "up to", when I didn't order a salad.

"That is what I don't get about 'you people'..." he begins.  {huh???  You people???  People trying to eat just a little better?!?!?}  "You won't get a couple of double cheeseburgers from the drive-thru, but you have no problem eating a burger or two when their made at home".

What the???  Why is he arguing with me???  Why is he bringing up homemade burgers???  All I said is that I wanted a salad.  Defensive much???

"I never said that.  I will still eat homemade burgers...maybe cut out the bun, eat a salad with it, still have fries, but not half-a-cookie-sheet worth...all things in moderation, right???  Just support me on this".  I said.

He said, "We'll see how long it lasts."


This could be why I feel stuck.

After work today, I went to McDonald's and drove my fat a** through that drive-thru.  I got Big Daddy his Big Mac Meal (large-size) with a diet Coke and two "extra" McDoubles (basically, a double cheeseburger with only ONE piece of cheese).  I got a Grilled Chicken Bacon Ranch salad with Low Fat Italian Dressing and a large diet Coke.  Eight Weight Watchers PointsPlus total.

I also got two Big Mac Snack Wraps.  Ate them in the car.  Destroyed the evidence. 

When nobody sees me eat, it never happened, right?!?!?

This is going to be quite a journey.

Love to All.

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