Thursday, February 2, 2012

Digging Deeper

Day 2: Tell Us About Your Father 

Yeah, I didn't see that one coming.

I love my father.  I always saw myself as a Daddy's Girl.  But I wasn't/am not.  I had to split that title with three other sisters.  Maybe that was my problem growing up (and now???).  I don't like to share.

Yeah, I'm kind of a brat like that.

My father always worked very hard.  He always gives 100%.  He loves children.  He is a kid at heart.

Everything I did do is with my father in mind.  Will he like it, will he hate it, how will he react??? 

And yes, my Daddy is the smartest man in the world.  Whenever Big Daddy and I have a debate about something or we question something, I always come out with "My Daddy says..."  My sister jokes that we need to write a book titled "My Daddy Says"...of course, since then there has been a book called {something along the lines of (I can't remember the exact title)} "Sh*t My Dad Says".  I think they may have even made a TV show based on it.  Ours wouldn't have a curse word in the title.  Heck, I don't even SAY curse words in front of my parents.

Seriously.  I don't.

I think what I can summarize is that whatever I do, it is {has always been} to please BOTH of my parents.  I think I have touched on this in therapy.  I am an adult, and I am still trying to make my parents happy.  I am trying to make my parents accept me.  I am trying to make my parents love me.

Wow.  Maybe I should get back into therapy.  I need to show my therapist these entries.

I told her {my therapist} that I often feel like a kid.  That family (parents, extended family, etc.) treat me like a child, still.  I can't shake that feeling that I am just a little girl...playing house...playing Mommy...playing my way through life.  I am not sure if that is stemmed from my need to please people. 

I am not sure when growing up is going to hit me. 

Okay, so I know this didn't touch on telling about my father...much like yesterday I didn't tell much about my mother.  Sure, I didn't write their autobiographies, but in writing my thoughts and questions, it sure makes me look at myself and my relationships. 

Relationships with others, and with myself.

Love to All.

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