Saturday, August 13, 2011

Don't know what to call this one...

Yes, it was just another day...I am really trying to get back into the routine of life is not exciting, my life is not adventurous, my life is not is just my life...the story of a mother, a wife, a sister, a daughter, a preschool assistant, a chauffeur, a chef, a baker, a bookkeeper, a referee, a nurse, a housekeeper, a dreamer and a doer...those are just some of the "hats" that I claim to wear...I don't even wear all of them very well, but I wear them.  Nope, it is not exciting, but it helps me to get it all out. 

I am back to juggling a lot...back to working full time...the last year has been a lot of fun, but not very productive.  Okay, the last year may not have even been a lot of fun...dealing with a lot of depression, a lot of depression that I did not get help for.  It is a vicious circle, but I am trying to take control again.  Small steps.  Yes, my house is still a mess...yes, Little Man and I eat McDonald's Happy Meals more often than not...yes, I still prefer sitting on my couch playing on my laptop to going to the gym and working out...yes, I still like the (tiny) rush that I get when I walk into Target...I still have all sorts of stuff that I am working on, but I have to take things one day at a time.

Working full time has exhausted me this week.  Working 34 hours with "Miss M" keeps me busy.  She reminds me SO MUCH of Little Man when he was three and four years old...except, she has SO much more energy than Little Man did.  She is very impulsive.  I know the last couple of weeks have been hard on her, back to preschool, back to a different routine, starting services at another school, riding a bus three days a week, and on top of things, her mother is going to have a baby any day now!!!  She is having a hard time adapting, but that is where her therapists and teachers come in.  I am just support.  I don't freak out when she bites, kicks and hits me.  I know it is not right, and the preschool coordinators know about her actions, but I know in her little world, that is the only way she knows how to cope.

Speaking of coping, Little Man started back to school this week, himself.  He started first grade.  It has only been a week, but I have been getting glowing reviews from everyone at school.  I am so grateful that I work at his school!!!  I am thankful that he is adapting so well (so far) has been a challenging summer.  His latest "actions" are to make himself throw up.  No, I am not joking.  When he gets upset about something, or thinks that we are upset with him, he vomits.  I wish I were kidding.  I spoke to his Case Manager at school, and she is concerned.  He also threatens to "harm" himself.  I say "harm" is not in a super-hurtful way, usually something like "I am going to hit my head, I am so mad"...nothing that can hurt him too badly.  Of course, I am sure it could escalate into something worse, that is why we are trying to nip this in the bud.  We are trying to get him into a new Pediatric Neurologist, not that we were not happy with his current Neurologist...we like him a lot...problem is that he does not accept our current insurance.  I have been trying to get in contact with the Neurologist that our Pediatrician recommended, and I have been trying for a month now.  By the time I get an appointment to see this Neurologist, our new insurance (it is open enrollment right now) will kick in and Little Man will be able to see his current Neurologist again...arugghhhh!!!

The gym will be part of my routine starting Monday.  Okay, so I HOPE the gym will be part of my routine again.  It has to be part of my routine again.

So, today was pretty uneventful...Costco, coupon clipping, wasting a lot of time on the computer...I did make dinner (go, me!!!).  Now, I am not going ever claim to be a chef...but I will take my small victories.  Tonight, I made "Quick Pasta Carbonara" from kraft.  I tweaked the recipe a bit...but here goes...

1/2 lb. fettuccine (we had Angel Hair Pasta, just used that)
4 slices  OSCAR MAYER Bacon, chopped (I used Oscar Mayer Real Bacon Bits Recipe Pieces)
4 oz. (1/2 of 8-oz. pkg.) PHILADELPHIA Cream Cheese, cubed (I used a whole block)
1 cup  frozen peas (I increased to 2 cups)
3/4 cup milk (I doubled to 1 1/2 cups)
1/2 cup  KRAFT Grated Parmesan Cheese (increased to 1 cup)
1/2 tsp. garlic powder (liberally used garlic salt)
Here are the real directions...I just throw all of the ingredients in a pan and heat through until everything is melted!!!
  COOK pasta as directed on package. Meanwhile, cook bacon in large skillet until crisp. Remove bacon from skillet with slotted spoon, reserving 2 Tbsp. drippings in skillet. Drain bacon on paper towels.
ADD remaining ingredients to reserved drippings; cook on low heat until cream cheese is melted and mixture is well blended and heated through.
DRAIN pasta; place in large bowl. Add cream cheese sauce and bacon; mix lightly. 

Not the healthiest meal out there, but it is always popular...I can try it again with a whole wheat Angel Hair pasta (we don't mind whole wheat) and the 1/3 less fat cream cheese...I don't know how to make the bacon any better...maybe turkey bacon???   

So much to still catch up on...the whole are we moving to Florida debate?!?!?  Yeah, that changes every day.  Trying to go back to school?!?!?  Ummm, I am on "academic suspension" from almost TWENTY years ago!!!  Oh, and we haven't had my car in over a week because it needs $2300 worth of repair!!!  So much going on in my life, I want to be able to still take a shot at blogging it...maybe someday I will be an "inspiration" to someone who is going through all that I am going through...until then, I will take the small victories, take my lumps, celebrate or mope...things are finally going my way...and I want to ride this roller coaster as long as I can!!!

Love to All. 

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