Nope. Here it is, December 23rd and I have about a bazillion {and one} things to do.
Crap. It is technically December 24th.
My heart isn't in it this year.
And that makes me feel guilty.
I am sure I can chalk it up to my depression.
And the fact that I am not on any meds.
{I assume this is why you are advised not to stop taking without consulting a doctor}
I have just had zero motivation.
I have scaled WAY back this Christmas. Maybe it is my feelings. Maybe it is the fact that there was one less weekend between Thanksgivng and Christmas. I'm not sure.
We put a tree up.
Half of its lights are out.
I stare at that tree, thinking I should fix it, but the thought of fixing it exhausts me.
Then I wonder why Big Daddy won't fix it.
{oh, maybe because he works 60 hours a week...many days from 6 am - 11 pm}
And the tree still sits. Half working.
Heck, only half of the ornaments are up.
You know what, it still looks okay.
My poor little "Charlie Brown" tree made me realize something.
It's okay not to be perfect.
Little Man is still going to be happy. He is still going to leave cookies out for Santa. He is still going to open those presents. He is still going to have a pretty darn good day.
I might not be totally into it this year, but Little Man will be okay.
He doesn't need 300 homemade cookies.
Made with love.
On a 24-hour manic episode.
The Betty Crocker mix from a pouch is just fine.
He doesn't need a home decorated like it is straight from a Target ad.
{because all of my holiday stuff is from Target. Another manic episode. Or two. Or ten. }
He doesn't even need dozens of "perfect" presents. Piled up taller than he is.
Yes. That actually happened.
He needs to know that he is loved.
He needs to know that he is safe.
He needs to know that he is secure.
He needs to know that he is smart, strong, funny, compassionate, loving, caring, curious.
The list can go on and on and on.
Even his little body is telling him to slow down.
He is sick. Not sure if it is step or the flu.
{he tested negative for both...waiting on further results}
So I am going to finish baking those Betty Crocker cookies. I am going to toss the candy that didn't set right. I am going to throw some cupcakes together and call it dessert.
We aren't driving an hour to visit relatives. If Little Man is feeling up to it, we might go to Christmas Eve service. We'll hang around the house. Watch a Christmas movie or two.
We'll make our own memories. Our own traditions.
Sure, the Christmas photos might have a basket of laundry in the background.
I hope you don't notice that.
I hope you notice the smiling kid in the front. The goofy little boy who is beaming with love and hope.
Isn't that what Christmas is all about???
Yes. I am going to call my doctor after the holidays.
Something isn't quite right and I need to work on it.
In the meantime, I hope you have a wonderful Christmas {or any holiday you may celebrate}.
{Love to All}
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