Thursday, August 19, 2010

...what was the last straw???

Today on the Weight Watchers Boards...someone asked what was your last straw???  The straw that broke the camel's back when it came to losing weight???  It gave me something to think about...and alas, my first blog post in a long time.  What makes me want to lose this weight???  What was the deciding factor when it comes to losing this weight???

~ Michael.  Plain and simple.  I told my WW leader that I feel like I have jipped Michael out of a mother because I can't do a lot of things with him.  My energy is zapped and I feel blah most of the time.  I know my depression plays into this...BUT I think that a lot of the depression stems from my is a vicious circle...I gain weight because I am depressed, I am depressed because I am fat and tired, I gain more weight because I am see where this is going.  I am looking forward to going to Walt Disney World this fall for my sister's wedding...but I am NOT looking forward to it because of all of the walking and the heat and the sun...what kind of mother am I that I am not looking forward to taking my son to the Happiest Place on Earth (and my happy place).  I feel that Michael is missing out on a lot because his Mommy is fat.

~ I am ashamed of how I look...I am ashamed that I let myself get this way.  I am ashamed of how this reflects on my family.  I know that I have a lot of anxiety when it comes to going out and being around people...but I believe that some of my anxiety comes from my weight.  I hate to think of what people see or what they think of me when they see me.

~ My body is tired.  It does not ache all the time, but it just feels tired. 

~ I am tired of paying $50 for a pair of jeans, $32 for a bra, $6 for a pair of panties.  I want to shop in regular size stores.  I know I will never ever be tiny...but I want to know what it is like to shop at a regular store...even if it is for a size won't be a 4X.

I don't know what is wrong with me...I went to the WW meeting two weeks ago, and have not been back since.  I have not tracked, measured, counted, etc.  I have been eating crap like I normally do.  I have not been working out.  I just don't know.  I know why I need to lose the weight...I know how I feel...I just don't know how to do it.

I know this has been kind of a depressing post, but I have to get back on track.  I need to hold myself accountable.  I need to let it all out.  I hope to be back on track...losing weight, working out, blogging...I just need to get back in the routine...

Love to All...

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