...We'll See...

I have been giving some thought lately about my little blog.

My poor, little, neglected blog.

I really enjoy blogging, but lately I haven't had the "time".

I really enjoy blogging, but I don't know quite what to blog about.

What direction should I take the blog?  Is the everyday exciting enough to write about?  Probably not.  I am just an average person.  Nobody special, nobody spectacular.  I am a mom, wife, sister, daughter, friend...on and on and on.  I don't need to "catch" anyone in particular up on what is going on with Little Man...friends and family can find all of that out on Facebook if they need to.

I just don't feel...inspired.

Horrible, right?!?!?

I don't know.  Maybe *not inspired* is not correct. 

I just feel stuck. 

Stuck is more like it.

I want my presence in social media to be bigger and better.  As a mom, as a business woman, as a fan.  I thought I was doing a pretty good job at that, but apparently it could be better.  I am currently not big enough to be "sponsored" nor do I think I ever want to be. 

I don't want to be *that* poster, *that* tweeter, *that* pinner.

You know, the one that seems forced. 

The one that suddenly loves everything new and exciting and shiny.  LOVES it.  Tells the world how much they love it.

Because they are being told to love it.

I will be the first to tell you, PR people won't like me. 

I hide twitter "parties"

I find them highly annoying.

I just get frustrated.  I have a few passions in my life, and I would love to write for their branding.  Tweet for their branding.  Post for their branding.

I can, I am just not "official"

I am not good enough.

Being "just a fan" isn't good enough.

You have to have a following.  You have to have presence. 

Being passionate isn't enough anymore.

That makes me sad. 

I will not compromise myself to get in good with PR people.

***I am not saying that you, or any other bloggers compromise yourself...mmmkay?***

Not at all. 

I don't know you.  I don't know what you stand for.

I know that I WON'T say yes to review every single product I get.

{not that I have been asked to review many products, but so far I have been pleased with the ones I have been asked to review}

For example...will I accept free passes to review the newest movie-spin on "The Wizard of Oz"???

Heck to the no.

You won't hear me talk about it weeks before, during or after a screening.

Why, you might ask???

Because I can't stand the original movie...so much so that anything having to do with it does. not. interest. me.

I guess I just get a little annoyed when I see the

same

things

over

and

over

again

pertaining

to

the

latest

and

greatest

"conference".

Maybe I am jaded.

I don't know.

Still doesn't help me head in the direction that I want this blog to take.

We'll see.

I am going to be better about this.

I have lots on my mind.

{love to all}

...just sayin'...

I don't think I have ever, EVER been so infuriated about something on the internet.

I try to take what I read on the internet, especially Facebook, with a grain of salt. 

Tonight, a casual Facebook friend...someone from the Disney community posted a photo of a child {not their own} with a caption reading something about 'how to have a good time on a WDW vacation, throw yourself on the ground and scream at the top of your lungs while your parents watch'.  This person followed that statement with 'is there a test to be a parent yet?'

Really.

And that wasn't want infuriated me.

I usually let things like that roll off my back, but I couldn't.

Little Man was the kid that you saw screaming in Target.  No, not because he couldn't have a toy...but because one of the lights in the building was loose, or needed to be changed.

The buzzing from that one light, somewhere in the store drove him mad.

Little Man was the kid that you saw pitching a fit in a restaurant.  No, not because he didn't like his chicken fingers or his broccoli.

There was a string from the waistband of his shorts.  One string.  Rubbing him the wrong way.

I posted something to the effect of 'not that I am condoning the parents standing there and watching, but my son has thrown fits like this.  He has ASD and it is typical of children with Autism'

There were a few agreeing comments, and even ones saying that is typical of ALL children {to which I agreed}.  Even one saying that Disney is overstimulating for everyone, even adults and sometimes they {as adults} wanted to throw themselves on the ground and scream.

Then there was one, posted by someone that got under my skin.  Saying that her 'friend has two autistic sons, one severe and one mild...they would have gotten a hand to the hiney and they wouldn't have pulled that, just sayin' '

Just sayin'

Really?

I am not sure what infuriated me more...the fact that this woman, who is not the parent of an Autistic child was judging me {try walking a mile in my shoes, lady!} or the fact that she was downplaying the fact that you really DON'T know the story behind the child's meltdown and you shouldn't judge.

Just sayin'

I replied {probably bitchily} that you ought to give the parents a break.  You have NO idea why the child is throwing the fit, and you don't know how the parents are/will handle it.

Then I said, 'just sayin' '

The amount of judging that others do...to children both on the spectrum and not, amazes me.

I won't lie...before I had Little Man, I was probably a "judger". 

Amazing what having a child on the Spectrum will do to your mindset.

Yes.  Years of therapies have helped Little Man.  He no longer throws massive fits in Target.  He no longer vomits in the Costco toy aisle.  He uses his words and lets me know if something {like a string in his shorts} is bothering him.

I see the kiddos, in Target, Costco, Longhorn, Disney World...I see them throwing fits.  Spoiled brats, sensory processing disorder, Autism...I have no idea.  I just know what it is like to be the parent.  The parent on the other end of those stares.  The other end of those whispers.  The other end of those photos.  I give the kid, and the parents a break.  I give them a knowing smile and I walk on.

By the way, if I EVER find out that someone photographed Little Man while he was having a meltdown...watch out.  You don't mess with Mama Bear's cubs.

All I am saying is you don't know what a parent or child is going through.  Give them a little break, and a little credit.

{love to all}

...love is in the air...

New and exciting things are happening with Origami Owl Custom Jewelry.  I am amazed each and every day about what is happening with this company.

I am so glad I took the leap of faith a year and a half ago and joined.

source: Google Images

For the holidays, we introduced three *Limited Edition* Holiday Charms.  A Snow Globe, Gingerbread Man and Wrapped Presents.

I wish I had ordered more.

I knew they were going to be popular...but I had no idea just HOW popular they would be.  They sold out within days.  My personal favorite is the Snow Globe...it is actually *rounded*.  Really.  The charms O2 keep introducing are amazing.  Simply amazing.

source: chrissypagnotti.origamiowl.com

{have I mentioned that the high heel charms actually STAND?!?!?  Like a tiny little Barbie doll shoe!!!}

I adore it.  Adore!

When I signed on in May of 2012, I thought to myself...'lockets and charms, what more can they come out with?'

Really?  Like I should have worried.

Origami Owl is always coming out with something new and exciting.  Fall of 2012 launched the Tagged collection.  I like it more than I thought I would {again, doubt???  what was I thinking???}  When I attended the first O2 Experience in Phoenix, AZ in July, we Designers waited with baited breath as to what would be announced.  So many new and exciting products were unveiled...but none with more fanfare than the BRACELETS!!!  I love mine, both the dangle bracelet and Link Locket bracelets.

What could be next on the horizon?

How about a HEART SHAPED LOCKET?!?!?

Yep.  A *Limited Edition* Heart Shaped plate, to boot!

Take a close look at that chain...anything interesting or different about it???

Oh, maybe that it is a HEART LINK chain!!!

What little gems of charms will you put inside your new Valentines Day themed locket???

Perhaps one {or three} of the *Limited Edition* Conversation Heart charms.

Or maybe one of the *Limited Edition* Chocolate Covered Strawberry charms, or Box of Chocolate Charms.

New charms, new plates, new dangles, new lockets, new chains.  What will Origami Owl think of next???  I am so excited to be a part of this amazing company.  If you are interested in these items, or any of the amazing items that Origami Owl has to offer, please zip me a message or shoot me a text!  I appreciate everything that Origami Owl has helped provide for me and my family over the last year and a half {that is for another blog post}  I love that I have been able to tell MY story through meaningful pieces of jewelry.  What story will YOU tell???

{love to all}

...things have a funny way of falling into place...

source: Google Images

I don't normally make New Years Resolutions.

I break them too quickly.

I do like the thought of setting goals, though.

Something easy, that I can keep up with.

For example, fast food.

Little Man and I eat waaayyy too much fast food.  Like daily.  I don't plan well enough, so we cruise through the drive through at 8:30 at night after wrestling practice.  Or Cub Scouts.  Or PTO.  Or small church group.  Or swim practice.

You get the picture.

Good news...we haven't had fast food since 12.19.13.  I had McDonalds while Little Man's para took him to wrestling practice, then out for pizza.  I was able to finish up some Christmas stuff.  A much needed night "off" for this momma.

I digress.

Little Man was super-sick 12.20.13...like got the call from school-sick.  Had to pick him up early-sick.  Had to call out of work-sick.  My first day of winter break started a day early.  I am not complaining {unless it messes with my holiday pay, then I'll be hacked}.  Between Little Man being sick {seven whole days, no thanks to our pediatrician!}, the holidays, me getting sick and just general staying-at-home-because-we-can-because-we-are-on-winter-break-for-the-first-real-time-EVER, we haven't hit a drive-thru.

I have been cooking.  Maybe not gourmet meals, but I have been cooking  Using pots and pans.  Using my slow cooker.  Cooking.

My goal, right now is to avoid the 8:30 drive-thru rush.  My goal is to plan, use the slow cooker to my advantage and eat better.  Better.  Not perfect.  I am sure what I am cooking isn't the healthiest, but it is better than McDonalds.  It has to be.

Darn.  I forgot that Chick-fil-A is fast-food.

Maybe every now and then.  Heck, we have gone almost two weeks without it...so maybe once a month won't hurt us.  Moderation.

source: Google Images

I have other goals that I would like to work on.  Saving money {that is a whole other post...I am SUPER excited!}.  Take more photos.  Stress less.  Enjoy more.  WRITE.  Of course, there is always weight loss, but I am not going to concentrate on a program, per se.  More of a watching what I am eating {the no fast-food should help here} and getting a workout in here and there.  Maybe tracking what I am eating...but I am getting WAY ahead of myself right now.

  

source: Google Images

Baby steps will get me there.  Things might just fall into place.  2013 wasn't a horrible year.  It wasn't a stellar year.  It was what it was.  The nice thing about a new year {or new month, week or DAY for that matter} is that it is a fresh start. A new beginning.  

I have goals for my Origami Owl business {Executive Team Leader, perhaps?!?!?} and my travel business.

Things have a funny way of falling into place.  I am excited.  Progress will be noted.

{Love to All}

...what it's all about...

So my Pinterest-Perfect Christmas just ain't gonna happen. 

Nope. Here it is, December 23rd and I have about a bazillion {and one} things to do. 

Crap. It is technically December 24th. 

My heart isn't in it this year.

And that makes me feel guilty.

I am sure I can chalk it up to my depression. 

And the fact that I am not on any meds. 

{I assume this is why you are advised not to stop taking without consulting a doctor}

I have just had zero motivation.

I have scaled WAY back this Christmas. Maybe it is my feelings.  Maybe it is the fact that there was one less weekend between Thanksgivng and Christmas.  I'm not sure. 

We put a tree up.

Half of its lights are out. 

I stare at that tree, thinking I should fix it, but the thought of fixing it exhausts me. 

Then I wonder why Big Daddy won't fix it. 

{oh, maybe because he works 60 hours a week...many days from 6 am - 11 pm}

And the tree still sits. Half working. 

Heck, only half of the ornaments are up. 

You know what, it still looks okay. 

My poor little "Charlie Brown" tree made me realize something. 

It's okay not to be perfect.

Little Man is still going to be happy. He is still going to leave cookies out for Santa. He is still going to open those presents. He is still going to have a pretty darn good day. 

I might not be totally into it this year, but Little Man will be okay. 

He doesn't need 300 homemade cookies.

Made with love. 

On a 24-hour manic episode. 

The Betty Crocker mix from a pouch is just fine. 

He doesn't need a home decorated like it is straight from a Target ad. 

{because all of my holiday stuff is from Target.  Another manic episode. Or two. Or ten. }

He doesn't even need dozens of "perfect" presents. Piled up taller than he is. 

Yes. That actually happened. 

He needs to know that he is loved. 

He needs to know that he is safe. 

He needs to know that he is secure. 

He needs to know that he is smart, strong, funny, compassionate, loving, caring, curious. 

The list can go on and on and on. 

Even his little body is telling him to slow down. 

He is sick. Not sure if it is step or the flu. 

{he tested negative for both...waiting on further results}

So I am going to finish baking those Betty Crocker cookies.  I am going to toss the candy that didn't set right. I am going to throw some cupcakes together and call it dessert. 

We aren't driving an hour to visit relatives. If Little Man is feeling up to it, we might go to Christmas Eve service. We'll hang around the house. Watch a Christmas movie or two. 

We'll make our own memories.  Our own traditions. 

Sure, the Christmas photos might have a basket of laundry in the background. 

I hope you don't notice that. 

I hope you notice the smiling kid in the front. The goofy little boy who is beaming with love and hope. 

Isn't that what Christmas is all about???

Yes. I am going to call my doctor after the holidays. 

Something isn't quite right and I need to work on it. 

In the meantime, I hope you have a wonderful Christmas {or any holiday you may celebrate}. 

{Love to All}

 

...Sweaty is Back...

So, in keeping with our {new} Christmas tradition, Sweaty/Sweetie our Elf on the Shelf has made his return appearance. 

I truly have a love/hate relationship with this thing. 

I love the idea of our Elf. I hate the idea of Mommies "outdoing" one another in their elf hi jinks. 

Yes. Sweaty has his own Facebook page. No, Sweaty does not have elaborate  adventures each and every night. 

Maybe if I were more creative, and less tired, Sweaty could have grand adventures. I do get inspiration from Pinterest, but rarely have the time or energy to act on them.  I hope to do something a little fun by Christmas, nothing too crazy, though. 

Little Man loves Sweaty...almost too much. Last Christmas Eve, he stayed awake until about 5 am crying and upset because Sweaty was heading back to the North Pole. He has such a big heart. 

For the time being, Little Man is quite happy to see just where Sweaty moves from night to night. 

And I am just happy that he still believes. 

Do you have an Elf on the Shelf?  What sort of antics does your Elf get into leading up to Christmas Eve?

{love to all}

...buzzing bugs and grieving...

Today has been a better day.

We had an awesome therapy session.  It was the first one I had been able to attend in awhile.  I think we are on the right track {as long as I can handle the office staff...they aren't the most pleasant...yes, I am talking to YOU St. Louis Behavioral Medicine Institute}

Little Man's session started about ways we can work on dealing with his issue with loud noises...the lawn mower, the vacuum, etc. {I didn't mention to his therapist that he freaks out at the sound of the vacuum because it is rarely used!}  I did let her know that he doesn't have much of an issue with loud noises, because we have hired a lawn service to cut the lawn every other week {mainly because of Big Daddy's foot, and my schedule} BUT he is having an issue with bugs.

Bugs.

We spent forty minutes of our fifty-minute session discussing bugs.  The kind that "buzz".

We often have joked that Little Man can hear a fly before it enters the room.

The funny thing is, that it is true.

His therapist has a white board hanging in her office.  He has always loved writing/drawing on it.  They were discussing what he could do if he heard/saw a buzzing bug.  He asked if he could draw it out.

Of course, she let him.

His drawing was all-telling.  He drew his room.  His door, his bed, his TV and him.  All in "normal" perspective for a drawing.

Then he drew the bug.

It was huge.  As big as the room.

At first I thought he was being goofy, then it hit me.

This is what the bug looks/sounds like to him.

He is terrified of this bug {I will admit that I don't like bugs, but he is extreme} and it is larger than life to him.

It made me realize that so many things {to him} are larger than life.  When we say a week is a long time, it truly is.  He sometimes has a hard time remembering his goals at 2pm when we have a 9am appointment.

This is why he struggles. 

He has a hard time remembering what is important and what can be left alone.  He has a hard time gauging time and space.

In the last five minutes, I was able to talk to his therapist about some recent goings on.  Some goals that Role Model mentioned just that morning.  She thought the ideas that Role Model and I {mainly Role Model, I have to give him mad props} came up with were excellent, and she can't wait to hear how it goes when they are implemented. As Little Man was walking out, I mentioned to her that he ADORES Role Model and he really "lost" him this year, and I had a feeling that is why we were seeing the change in behavior. 

She said, "of course there is a change in his behavior.  He is grieving."

Grieving.  I teared up.

Of course.  Little Man feels like he lost his best friend.  He feels abandoned.

What is a little fly buzzing around to me happens to be an ugly, loud, nasty, gross, huge nest full of angry Horse Flies as big as his head to Little Man.

That spoke to me in volumes.  I have to let it all sink in.  My Little Man is dealing with is emotions, and when you are nine years old losing your best friend is the worst feeling in the world.

I am going to think and pray {yes, pray} this weekend.

{love to all}