...the journey starts...again...

...my goal to lose weight is not just a New Year's Resolution...it is a year-round resolution for me.  I have apparently been struggling with my weight since I was about 8 or 9 years old.  I look back at photos of me at that time and wonder what made my mother try to put me on a diet at the time???  I remember the Sunday morning like it was yesterday.  My daddy usually made Sunday morning breakfasts with quite a flourish.  Bacon and eggs or pancakes or my favorite French Toast.  Chocolate milk or OJ.  My mother would sleep in and daddy would wake up early to make breakfast, usually one of us kids as his assistant.  This particular, cold, gloomy Sunday morning...I remember sitting on the couch, and my mother (who woke up early enough to prepare my breakfast) came into the Family Room with a flourish...she prepared me a healthy breakfast...I would be strong enough to be the first Girl Cardinals Baseball player.  This had to be around 1982 when my goal in life was to be the next Ozzie Smith or Willie McGee.  Ha.  :)  I sat down to a dry egg, dry toast, orange juice and some sort of fruit (I suspect canteloupe, because I can't stand it to this day).  EVERYONE else was sitting down to French Toast, bacon and syrup with chocolate milk (coffee for the adults).  I cried and refused to eat.  Why didn't my father stand up for me???  Why did my mother insist on making me eat this boring food???  I realize that yes, the meal my mother made for me was healthier...but if I was making this change, shouldn't my entire family???   I can see everyone eating their French Toast...almost seemingly rubbing it in my face.  From that day forward, I hated diets.  I still don't understand my mother's reasoning for putting a 9 year old on a diet...but that is for me and my therapist to work out.

This is a photo of me around that age.  I can't believe that my mother saw a fat little girl.  Maybe she needs to talk things out, maybe her mother insisted that she diet at a young age.  I am not sure.  I have touched on this, about this photo in particular in a previous blog post.

The journey begins again.  I have been on Weight Watchers off an on for 13 years now.  I have lost a total of 100 lbs, but have gained it all back...and then some.  I have learned a lot over the journey.  The whole, not a diet thing...yes.  I get that, but I am going to have to make a conscious effort on what I put into my mouth for the rest of my life.  I have made that change, and am ready to recommit.  I have been dilligent about working out...almost to the point of being obsessive.  That is okay, if I am gonna go all OCD over something right now, working out is okay!!!  I have to hold myself accountable.  I am shouting it out to the world.  I AM tackling this beast.  I AM going to win.  I AM going to be stronger and healthier.  I AM going to run that 5K next January.  I AM going to fit into that skirt (and I AM going to post pics of said skirt).  :)

Thanks for supporting me on this journey.  I need all of the help I can get.

Love to All.