One Little Thing to Remember

Quite a week...I don't even know where to begin...other than, I am glad that it is over...

Little Miss M has had quite a hard time adjusting to her new classroom.  I have a great deal of support in the new classroom, and for that I am thankful.  Little Miss M is still hitting and kicking...and now added biting to the mix.  Yes, she has bitten me before...but she bit another classmate.  I stepped out of the room to use the restroom (I should be allowed to go, right?!?!?) and left her in the care of the teacher.  The teacher assured me that she would keep her eyes on her.  Well, Little Miss M is as fast as lightning.  The teacher said that she had never seen a bite like the one Little Miss M gave this little boy. 

I have to take a deep breath and remember that Little Miss M has special needs.

Yes, it took me awhile to realize that children on the Autism Spectrum are special needs.  MY child has special needs.

Of all people who helped me realize this, it is my one of my current bosses/supervisors.  Wait, I don't even think of my bosses as bosses or supervisors.  I love my job so much, and I love the people (and children) that I work with so much, I think of them as friends.  Anyway, it took one simple sentence from her that made it finally click.

I was in the interview for the job I ultimately took with the school district.  I was originally interviewing to be a before/after school Para for a fourth grade girl who was in a wheelchair.  Turns out that the girl's parents did not enroll her in before/after school care, BUT I was given a job as facilitator for the second grade group before school.

I digress.

In the interview, one of my supervisors asked if I was familiar with the work that a Para does.  I said that I had a little bit of knowledge.  I explained how my son started preschool in the district at age 3, and how he started because of his speech, OT and PT needs, and that he had access to a Para.  Somewhere along the line, I must have mentioned that he was diagnosed with Asperger's.  We got to talking about that, and at one point my (future) supervisor said "I understand what it is like to be the parent of a child with special needs.  My daughter has Down's Syndrome".

Huh???  Special needs???  Little Man taught himself to read at three.  He dresses himself.  He feeds himself.  He talks.  He is happy and healthy.  He doesn't have special needs.  I thought I was destined to work with children (especially preschoolers) with special needs.  But Little Man, special needs???  I did not see it.

I smiled politely and nodded...though I felt like I was punched in the gut.  I could not imagine what this woman goes through.  HER child was truly (what my definition of it was) special needs.  Her little girl needed help and compassion.  MY child is just another kid.

On the (less-than-five-minute) drive home, I realized it.  I knew that Little Man was "different" from other kids his age and that yes, he needed help with things {all-things-social}.  I guess you could say that he is special needs.  He has needs that are different than a typically-developing child.

So, for as smart and capable that Little Man and Little Miss M are, they have needs.  I have to reassure Little Man that "every little thing is gonna be alright" (to quote Bob Marley) and I can't be out of arm's reach {or take my eyes off for a second} of Little Miss M.

Little Man was seen by {yet another} psychologist that recommended "intense, outpatient therapy" to help him deal with his anxiety, fears, phobias and OCD.  I was not able to go to this appointment because of work (I couldn't get a sub who wanted to work with Little Miss M...this just so happened to be the day of The Bite, too).  Big Daddy said that the doctor asked him if we were going to "let this continue to rule our lives?" if we didn't consider the therapy for him.  Hmmm, I hadn't thought of it that way.  Really put it in perspective.

It is going to be a (continued) roller coaster ride.  I am going to grab on and enjoy it...if I can.

Love to All.

So I Took a Little Break...So What?!?!?

So I took a little break.  I faced it, and am moving on.  No excuses.  My heart hasn't been in it.  My mind hasn't been in it.  Right now, I am back to spinning all of those plates.  Blogging slipped by the wayside.  It is not ALL bad.  Promise.  I am working on some neat, new things that I am SUPER excited about.  Here is an overall update...

 Health ~ well, we have ALL been feeling kind of gross since the holidays.  I am chalking this up to the crazy weather we have had this winter.  Most of our days have been pretty mild, above freezing mostly, and we have (up until today) had barely two inches of snow.  Now, the temperatures can swing, and I think we just need a good freeze to "kill" the germs.  Maybe it is an old wives tale, but we have all been so sick this winter that I think we really DO need a freeze.  I'll take the warm temperatures, though.  The good thing is, Big Daddy hasn't been plagued by the cough/pneumonia that he seems to get every. single. year.  We have all been fighting colds, sinus problems, clogged/infected ears and sore throats.  Strep has been running rampant in the school, and I can't afford to get it again.  I have had it four times in the last month, and am afraid the next time I get it, my doctor will talk about taking the tonsils out. 
I was in the Emergency Room recently.  Nothing related to our icky sickies lately, but because of my monthly period.  Now, I have been getting my period since I was 11.  Yes, 11.  I have been dealing with it for quite. some. time. now.  I have never, ever experienced heavy bleeding like I did on Friday.  To spare the dreaded TMI, lets just say that I was passing blood clots.  Lots and lots of clots.   The size and quickness of these were shocking to me, enough for me to call Big Daddy (the man watched me give birth, I knew this would not bother him).  He was concerned enough to hand me the phone.  The nurse at the after-hours line was concerned enough to send me to the ER.  I checked out all right, just a case of Dysfunctional Uterine Bleeding.  Nothing to worry about.  I have to follow up with my OB/GYN for an ultrasound.  Yay.  I seriously want to rule out anything serious...but I also want answers.  If it is anything more than a heavy period, this could explain a lot about how I have been feeling.
I have been talking with a co-worker (dare I say, friend) that I trust dearly, and have decided to go back to a therapist and psychiatrist to get me back on track with my meds.  The blog is kind of a big-picture to how things are going in my life.  If it feels too overwhelming, then I neglect it.  The house has been in worse shape, but I am no longer counting the "my house has been clean for X" days.  Big Daddy is helping a lot, but I feel so overwhelmed.

Because we are talking about a clean house...it goes hand-in-hand with our "purging/packing like we are moving" blitz, because...well, we ARE moving.  I don't like it. 


Finances ~ We are working with our financial advisor to pay down a lot of our old debt.  This hurts.  We might have an opportunity to get a fairly-new (built in 2006, I believe) condo for a steal.  As much as I love this house, it won't be ours.  If the condo doesn't work out, we are working with a realtor to help us.  Lots of plates spinning here, but I am okay with this one.  Big Daddy is in charge of these plates.

Little Man ~ I feel like we are back to square one here.  We have an appointment with ANOTHER psychologist (in the same group as the one we saw before) this week.  We wanted someone a little closer to home.  Of course, we can't get him in to see a new neurologist in this group, because he is currently being seen by psychologists (???).  He is doing all right.  I just think that things could be so much better for him.

My work with Little Miss M ~ we are in a new classroom.  Yes, Little Miss M's mother moved her into a different classroom.  I have been pushing for this for months now, so I am excited to see where this takes her.  I could go into a whole other blogpost on this subject, and I will.  It has been a roller coaster couple of weeks, but it is SO worth it!!!

Disney News ~ I am not sure what "category" this falls under, but just last week, I was invited to participate in the Disney Parks InsidEARS.  What an honor to be named one of the first 1000 InsidEARS!!!  More details to come (I am getting tired).  The site is still in testing, but what it amounts to is that it is a forum for fans of Disney Parks to share ideas, tips and tricks.  No surprise here, but I am an "expert" in Disney's Hollywood Studios (my favorite park) and Disney Shopping.
I knew my love of Disney Dooney & Bourke purses would pay off!!!
I am very, VERY new to the InsideEARS, but am excited to share the journey with you.

That is about it.  Doesn't seem like a lot has been going on, but there really has been. 

Love to All.

Digging Deeper

Day 2: Tell Us About Your Father 


Yeah, I didn't see that one coming.

I love my father.  I always saw myself as a Daddy's Girl.  But I wasn't/am not.  I had to split that title with three other sisters.  Maybe that was my problem growing up (and now???).  I don't like to share.

Yeah, I'm kind of a brat like that.

My father always worked very hard.  He always gives 100%.  He loves children.  He is a kid at heart.

Everything I did do is with my father in mind.  Will he like it, will he hate it, how will he react??? 

And yes, my Daddy is the smartest man in the world.  Whenever Big Daddy and I have a debate about something or we question something, I always come out with "My Daddy says..."  My sister jokes that we need to write a book titled "My Daddy Says"...of course, since then there has been a book called {something along the lines of (I can't remember the exact title)} "Sh*t My Dad Says".  I think they may have even made a TV show based on it.  Ours wouldn't have a curse word in the title.  Heck, I don't even SAY curse words in front of my parents.

Seriously.  I don't.

I think what I can summarize is that whatever I do, it is {has always been} to please BOTH of my parents.  I think I have touched on this in therapy.  I am an adult, and I am still trying to make my parents happy.  I am trying to make my parents accept me.  I am trying to make my parents love me.

Wow.  Maybe I should get back into therapy.  I need to show my therapist these entries.

I told her {my therapist} that I often feel like a kid.  That family (parents, extended family, etc.) treat me like a child, still.  I can't shake that feeling that I am just a little girl...playing house...playing Mommy...playing my way through life.  I am not sure if that is stemmed from my need to please people. 

I am not sure when growing up is going to hit me. 

Okay, so I know this didn't touch on telling about my father...much like yesterday I didn't tell much about my mother.  Sure, I didn't write their autobiographies, but in writing my thoughts and questions, it sure makes me look at myself and my relationships. 

Relationships with others, and with myself.

Love to All.

Long Rambling Post...Much Like An Hour Of Therapy

So, I am trying to commit to the whole NaBloPoMo thing, because I think it will make me a better writer.  It will give me endurance; the endurance of writing each and every single day (or 18 out of 31 days).  It will give me a sense of community.  Because of my participation in NaBloPoMo, other bloggers worldwide will sing my praises.

Yeah, right.

I write for myself.  It is an outlet.  I am writing to get my feelings out.  I get my frustrations out.  I post good things.  I post bad things.  It is like a diary.  Daily life.  Secrets.  Fears.  Confessions.  Musings.  Observations.  B*tching.  I cover it all.

So, I think to myself, "You can totally do the blogging every day for a month thing this time around.  There are only 28 29 days in February".  I hopped on over to BlogHer.com and checked out this month's topic.  It is "relative".  Okay, how hard could that be???

Day 1: Tell Us About Your Mother


What is this, therapy?!?!?

Oh yeah, it kind of is.


I am not going to go in too deep, but here goes...

I love my mother.  

Now that I am a mother, I appreciate what she went through, five times over. 

I still have a lot of questions about my childhood.  Nothing too bad.  Just want to know if my mother struggled with the same things that I do.  

I want to know what made my mom do some of the things she did.  What is her relationship with her mother really like???  As an adult and mother, I am thinking it is not all it is cracked up to be.

I want to know if my mother was disappointed.  Disappointed in her kids, her life, her situation, whatever.  I know my mother loves my father, but growing up, I did not see a lot of affection.  It is almost like, all the kids are grown up and out of the house, so my parents finally had a chance to "get to know one another".  Weird.  

My mom is a lot more easygoing now than she was when we were growing up.  She is a great Grandmother.  It kind of makes me sad.  Not that my childhood was bad, by any stretch of the imagination, but it makes me a little sad to see my mom so animated and *fun* with my son and my nephews.  I don't know. 

I don't mean to sound ungrateful.  My mom has done a lot for me.  She helps me when I need it, and I know she would do anything for me (and Little Man and Big Daddy) and she is a good woman.  I just have a lot of questions.


First:  Why did she put me on a diet when I was barely nine years old???  I look back at pictures, and don't see a fat kid.  I might not have been the same size as my classmates, but I wasn't fat.  I know she did Weight Watchers back in the early days (I remember her eating a lot of cottage cheese and tuna), and looking back she didn't need to lose weight, either.  Where did this come from???  I think this has a lot to do with my unhealthy relationship with food.  She used to "hide" all of the good food from me (but had no problem giving it to my younger, cuter, smaller sisters).  Of course, that meant when I had my first taste of freedom, I would buy (and eat) whatever I wanted.


The first taste of freedom was also where I learned to throw up when I ate too much, spit out food instead of swallowing it (I just wanted to taste it) and where I learned to hide and sneak my own food and eating.


Okay.  Seems pretty heavy and negative.  I love my mom.  I truly do.  I just apparently have questions (and issues) with some stuff from when I was little.  Hanging heavy on my mind for the past 30-ish years.  Don't mean to sound so negative, but these are some of the things that I need to work out with my mother.  I just don't see it happening.  My family loves one another, and we have a good time, and we get along great...


We just don't talk about a lot of things.

Love to All.

January...A Month In Review

Okay...so I started the month out all gung-ho.  I was going to blog more.  I was going to keep the house neater.  I was going to eat better.  I was going to exercise more.  Well, I am doing all right.  Not perfect, but all right.  I am happy with that.

I have blogged 17 (18 counting today...duh) days this month.  This is good, considering I only posted 28 blogs all last year.  This is bad, because if my blogging were being graded on effort alone, I would be failing.  18/31 is 58% (which was an F when I was in school).  Heck, last year I should have been held back.  28/365 is 7%!!!

House neater???  That is negotiable.  It is not bad.  It is not as good as it was 62 (!!!) days ago, but we are making progress.  Purging is a hard process.  This all might be sped up (purging, gutting, MOVING) because of a possible opportunity.  No, we might NOT move back to Florida.  This could be a good thing.  I am not going to count my chickens before they hatch, but I feel pretty good.

Eat better and exercise more???  Meh.  I have been eating okay, not 100% better but I am getting better.  Exercise???  I have been fighting this cold/flu/virus/ick for about a month now...hard to move.  I know, paltry excuse...but it has been hard to function, let alone get on a bike at the gym.  I have been dabbling with myfitnesspal.com, and I really like it (I super-really-like that it is FREE).  I put a weight loss ticker on the side of my blog.  One pound.  One measly pound.  Yeah, yeah...at least it isn't a pound GAINED or you should never discount just one pound...but I have been working at it for a month now.

Working at it???  Imagine what my progress would be if I actually tried.

No, I don't mean to be a downer.  January has been a great month.  2012 is shaping up to be a pretty good year.  I am ready for the ride.  Who knows what might happen next!!!

Love to All.

Words of Wisdom, from me?!?!?

...last night, I got a Facebook from Little Miss M's mom.  She works at the school where Little Man and Little Miss M attend, and (obviously) where I work as well.  She is an amazing woman and mother, and I am honored to know her, and (hopefully) call her a friend.  {yes, I still have issues with making and keeping friends at my age...insecurity???  Probably}

Not to copy what she wrote word-for-word (to protect her privacy), she was writing to ask if I had any "words of wisdom" to share about kids like Little Man and Little Miss M, ever being made to feel like a bad parent, or others not understanding your child.  Miss M's Mom had to remove her from a birthday party yesterday because of a meltdown.  Miss M's Mom just wants her to enjoy social situations.  Miss M's Mom worries about having social expectations for Little Miss M that she may not achieve, and being worried about what other parents think.  She asked about "just accepting things".  That is something that I have struggled with.  This is what I wrote in reply...


I have TOTALLY had many moments like yours. They go so far back, I honestly have blocked a lot of them out. Things had (have) to be just-so to him. I did not "get" a lot of it at first, but over the last five-ish years, I have just rolled with it (for lack of a better term). We still get stares, comments, whispers...even as recently as a month or so ago at his swim lessons. I have tried my best to develop a thick skin, but it has been hard. They are talking about, and assuming things about YOUR baby. It literally made me sick when he was three. Anxiety took over, and I still struggle with it. Sounds bad, but I try not to care what everyone else thinks...my best interest is my son.

Over the past year or so, his "social skills" class with {insert teacher here} has helped him tremendously. I honestly can't remember if this was touched on when he was in preschool. I am not even 100% certain what is taught in the class, but I think she has taught him how to handle his emotions when things don't go his way. This weekend, at the Cub Scouts Pinewood Derby, his car was the first to be eliminated. I could tell he wanted to scream and shout (and cry), but he held it together. I cried more than he did, because he looked so sad. He said he was sad that he didn't win, but he had fun, and he knows what to do to his car next year. Huge step. Six-year old {Little Man} would have kicked the track and thrown himself on the ground.

I still stick around with him at birthday parties, he hasn't gone on an overnight yet, and playdates are harder on me than they are on him. I try not to shelter him, and it is easier to keep an arms length distance from him the older he gets. I also don't shout to the world "he is on the Autism Spectrum" unless the situation merits it. I let his swim coach and Cub Scout Den Master know, and they have been more than understanding with him.

Since Asperger's and Sensory Disorders are "invisible", many people think he is a kid throwing a temper tantrum. It could be him reacting to noises that are deafening or lights are too strong to him (even though we may have been in this particular place hundreds of times before). It could be because someone in charge told the children to do one thing, and there is one kid not following along. So many different triggers, these are just a few.

I will be honest, it took me a long time to get to where I kind of just accept things. Every social situation brings up new fears in me, but they have eased the older he gets.

What I always remember, in both {Little Man and Little Miss M's} case is that what it boils down to, they are just kids. Expectations on a seven and a four year old today are so high. Not that they shouldn't do what teachers say or follow the rules...but they are just kids...they should not be expected to act like little adults (that is totally just my opinion, though).

They are amazing kids, smart and funny and caring. I don't let it get under my skin when people are looking at {Little Man} because he is doing the "jump and flap" that he does when he gets excited, because whatever he is getting excited about is something he is passionate about, and that is what is important. I don't let it bother me when other people look at him because he is throwing a fit in a store. It isn't because he can't get a new game or toy or something, it could be because he is hearing some sort of buzzing that we don't (seriously, he can hear a fly before it enters a room) and it is bothering him. I just remember that he is incredibly smart, talented, funny, caring, and that he is just a seven year old boy.


I am not sure I helped or not, just speaking from experience.  It is so hard to put into words.  I can just speak from my heart and from what has happened to me and my Little Man.


Love to All.

What "Cruising on a Friday Night" Means at My Age

I am a little stuck tonight.  Perhaps it is the multitasking I am trying to do.  Yeah.  Multitasking is kind of a loose picture of what I am trying to do.  I am sitting here, almost two hours after dinner was finished, chatting with Big Daddy on the phone (it is all his fault, right?!?!?), and cruising through Facebook and Pinterest.  Yeah.  I remember fondly when cruising on a Friday night involved my three best girlfriends, a 1987 Toyota Celica, a mix tape in the deck and a stop at the Dairy Queen.

Now I comment on friends status updates about the weather in their area, check-ins from their travels (I have a lot of FB friends who are always on the road, it seems), pictures of their puppies, or their link to The Wiggles official Facebook page post about Greg coming back as the Yellow Wiggle and Sam getting the boot.

Yes, seriously.  That is what my Facebook newsfeed looks like this evening.  No, I am not joking about the Wiggle post.  A girlfriend from High School has a nine-month old little girl who is OBSESSED with The Wiggles.  I have a son that was is obsessed with The Wiggles.  This is big news.

I love Pinterest.  It is so much fun, and there are so many good ideas shared there.  I can't even really describe what Pinterest is exactly, but I can say that it is addictive.

I am having trouble getting a "snapshot" type photo of my Pinterest page.  I can set up a link to my page.  I like photos in my blog (and the blogs that I read) so I can post a few of my pins...

Here is an example of a "pin" that I liked.  I pinned this to my "My Style" board.  The board is actually titled "My Style, I'm a Hot Mess because I really am.  I don't have one certain styles, but there are a lot of styles that I like!!!

This is an example of a "pin" that I pinned to my "...made me laugh..." board.  You see, it is funny because it is a photo of the actor/rapper Ice-T ON an iced tea fountain.  Funny???  Yes.  The internet is full of crap like this.

This is an example of a "pin" that I pinned to my "...food, delicious food..." board.  I haven't made this recipe yet (something involving bacon...which means you really can't go wrong), but I have made a couple of the recipes I have found.




Basically, Pinterest is like a big forum for people (mainly women) to share what they find out there on the internet and gives it a"storage space", for the stuff that you may want to read later, stuff you might want to try out, or just things you like in general.  There are so many great ideas.  I like all of the funny stuff, and the things that make me laugh, but there are a lot of great tips...real tips.  Organizing, household cleaning, food, exercise...so much.  It is a lot of fun.

What prompted this whole blogpost was that I was stuck about what to write.  My whole thing lately is that I don't want to post something for the sake of posting (aka, I don't want to put out crap).  I was on the whole "blogging every day for a month" bandwagon...but then I thought, I don't want to write a post just to have some sort of streak and some of the posts be junk...I would rather skip a day or two and write about something better.  I know there are blogging ideas out there, but some of them are just so random (or general) that they don't feel sincere to me.  I do get ideas every now and then from BlogHer, and they have something known as "NaBloPoMo"...I think it means National Blog Posting Month.  They have a "theme" every month, and even give you writing prompts for each (M-F) day.  I obviously can't commit to posting every. single. day., BUT I do like to go there when the well runs a little dry.

This month's theme is "beginnings".  It all makes sense.  January means a clean slate, a new start.  There have been some very good topics brought up, but none that made me want to put fingers to keyboard and type.  Until tonight.  I was going through some of the January prompts, and came across one from January 16th simply saying "Tell us about some of your first toys".

Funny they mention this, because I just created a Pinterest pin board called "...toys I had as a child...".  Just so happens that I created this board on January 16th!!!  I love this board, it is filled with wonderful Fisher-Price and Playskool Weeble Wobble toys from the 1970s and 1980s.  There are only 11 pins on this board so far (I didn't want to go all crazy right off the bat) but I can see it growing quickly.

So, my original post was going to be about some of my beloved childhood toys.  I will save that post for another day.  I had to share the love of Pinterest which led me to rediscover some of my favorite toys.

Keep watching pinning!!!

Love to All.