...what does E mean???

...feeling sick...need to call doctor about rattling/wheezing in my chest.  Yuk.

TOM came for a visit today.  I hate TOM.

Yeah, TOM is {time of month}.  Really, TOM is a bother.  An unnecessary nuisance.  I am finished having kids.

Pretty bold statement.

But it's true.  I don't want any more kids.  I am crazy about the one I've got.  I love him more than life itself.  I love kids in general, I just don't want any more. 

My mom had my brother (kid number five) when she was my age.  I don't think I could do that.  I am too tired.  I feel too old.  Big Daddy is 45.  That means if we had a baby, he would be 63 when that kid graduated high school.

It wouldn't be fair to the child if I were to have a baby at this point in my life.

Wow.  That kind of came from left field. 

My original blog post was going to be a b*tch session about Gymboree making so many of their clothes for little boys with white sleeves, white collars and white cuffs.

Really.  Have you ever had to wash a white-collared Gymboree rugby-shirt the day that the barbecue rib sandwich was served in the school cafeteria???

Maybe I should pay attention to the school lunch calendar before I lay out Little Man's clothes.

Yeah, but the whole TOM rant is more along my mood and frame of mind this evening.  I feel icky.  Oh so icky.

Oh, I went to weigh myself this morning...the support group (oh wow, I just admitted to joining an online SUPPORT GROUP!!!) the group swapping diet/exercise/Disney tips on Facebook (yes, you can find a group for EVERYTHING on Facebook) weighs in on Fridays.  So, I step on the scale to get a start weight.

I get "E".  As in error.

Or as in elephant.

I think I am too big for our bathroom scale.  Big Daddy says it happens to him every now and then...it takes a few times to get a reading.  It is a cheap scale.

I think he is pretty good at enabling me, as well.

I think the "E" should be a sign.  A big, fat sign.

Love to All.

....I would like Ambien, a large waffle fry, space in my bed...oh, and a Large Diet Lemonade, please...

...I don't have a lot of time to devote to blogging this evening...so I apologize in advance.

My big question, or "ponder" of the day today has been...why do two little dogs (both weighing less than 15 lbs apiece) suddenly turn into a ton of bricks when they crawl into your bed while you are sleeping???

I don't know the answer, but I am pretty sure my two little fur-babies are part of my lack-of-quality-sleep thing.

No gym again this morning.  I am not even going to try tomorrow morning.  Little Man is complaining that his head is pounding.  No fever, so hopefully Children's Tylenol and a good night's sleep will do him good.

A good night's sleep.  In my bed.  (He sleeps in my bed when he is sick).  Mama isn't getting any sleep tonight, either.

I haven't refilled my Ambien prescription in over a year.  I don't like taking it, mostly because of the funky taste it left in my mouth when I woke up in the morning.  I might be calling the doctor soon for that refill.

On a positive note, I haven't had any caffeine since about 3:00 this afternoon.   Flip side???  I had a Diet Lemonade.  From Chik-Fil-A.  Yes, a fried chicken sandwich, as delicious as it was, was my dinner this evening.  Silver lining of it all???  They forgot my order of fries.  I had four of Big Daddy's.  Better than the whole LARGE waffle fry order, right?!?!?

I am my own best enabler.

Love to All.

...and I thought my house was bad...

My house has been "clean" for 28 days straight. 

As much as I might be freaked out by the state of my house, it is not nearly, NEARLY as bad as the people on shows like "Hoarders".  I am watching an episode of "Hoarding: Buried Alive" right now on TLC (it was the episode from 1/1/12, "Tiny Monsters"). I can't believe what I am seeing.  Yes, I could be spending this hour doing something WAY more constructive...but I am SO intrigued.  Even as depressed as I can get, I don't think I could live with my home ending up like that.  The show I am watching, the woman is in super-deep denial, and she hoards trash...TRASH!!!  She has used maxi pads, used needles (she is diabetic) and crap (yes, as in feces) piled up in her house.  There was so much food trash piled up in her kitchen that roaches (my skin is CRAWLING just thinking about it) were THREE INCHES deep...she also had black widow spiders...BLACK WIDOW spiders!!!  They are SHOVELING trash out of this woman's house.  I just don't get it.  I may be lazy, but this is out of control.  Just watching this show makes me want to clean something, organize something and take a long, hot shower!!!

That totally was not what I was intending to write about, but I just had to vent.  Let it all out. 

Maybe watching a show like this will make me rethink how lazy I am...I did not go to the gym again this morning.  It was a full 20 degrees warmer this morning (a balmy 34) than yesterday, and I still rolled over and went to sleep.  I have had such a hard time sleeping here of late, I am not sure why.  Probably a vicious circle...I am overweight so I sleep poorly, I sleep poorly and am too tired to go to the gym, I am too tired to go to the gym so I am overweight, I am overweight so I sleep poorly...you get the picture.  I also think that my sleep problems could have something to do with my caffeine intake (as I write this, I am sipping on another Diet Dr. Pepper, and it is 8:27 pm).  I don't want to run to the doctor just yet, as I am certain the answer is my weight.  The answer is always my weight.  I just want to try to work on this on my own.

Next on my list is how to get washable glue (is glue TRULY washable?!?!?) out of a new sweater.  Yeah...tomorrow, I am back to wearing an old t-shirt to work!!!  After I work on that, I am going to clean the kitchen, wipe down the bathroom, fold some laundry and head to bed.  No promise of going to the gym tomorrow, but I won't end up on an episode of Hoarders...that's for sure!!!

Love to All.

...hmmm, untitled, I suppose...

...okay, so I seemed to be a little stumped about what to write this evening...we are settling back into our routine, and I have little time to post tonight.  Little Man goes back to school tomorrow, which means that we will have a full Preschool class tomorrow, because the entire district returns from Winter Break tomorrow.  Little Miss M was back in class today, and she wore me out.  Today was kind of a "test"...I worked all day, Little Man had Exerfun tonight, we drove through McDonald's for dinner (to my credit, I had a salad with the Newman's Own Low Fat Italian dressing).  No laundry done this evening, the dishwasher hasn't been run (of course, we haven't used many dishes).  I think the house will be okay.  It has been 27 days of "clean".  I did freak out a little when Big Daddy started "cleaning out" some stuff from the computer/play room.  He had about a dozen boxes out and about.  Okay.  I really freaked out.  I did not want him "messing up" what we had worked so hard to keep clean.  He said he had it under control, and that there would be no trace of the boxes or the contents in the morning.  He held true to his word, and the boxes (and their contents) were distributed.  Of course, that means that they were relocated to the garage or the basement, BUT they have been sorted through.  I feel a little better about that.  We are slowly taking down the Christmas decorations, I don't want to become overwhelmed by that.  Heck, I figure I have until January 5th or 6th, right?!?!?  Three Kings Day, or the Epiphany, right???  It will be all packed away this weekend.  Packed away AFTER it has been weeded through.

So, I blew off the gym today.  Lazy???  Yes.  When my alarm went off, and I was kinda, sorta conscious (this was about 4:45 am, mind you) I noticed that the temperature was reading 14 degrees outside.  14.  My bed (with clean sheets and a clean comforter) was SO cozy.  14 degrees sounded like hell, AND I did not sleep very well the night before.  I turned off the alarm, rolled over, and fell back to sleep...dreaming about when we are moving back to Florida!!!  I am sad that I let the weather discourage me, but am ready to go tomorrow.  No excuses. 

I hope that these posts get a little more exciting...I have stopped by blogher.com to get some ideas, and there have been some pretty good ones...they offer a new topic every Monday - Friday.  Yesterday's topic was "What did you do on New Year's Day?".  I kind of touched on that, not even realizing that it was a topic!!! Today was "What is your favorite start-of-the-year tradition?".  Food for thought.  I have some ideas, but may wait and post about it tomorrow.  I have a cuddle-bug-monkey waiting for me to read some of that "Diary of a Wimpy Kid" book to before we fall asleep.

Love to All.

...one day at a time...

...no, I don't mean that groovy seventies sitcom with Schneider...

I loved watching this show.  I think it was on Sunday nights on Channel 4 (CBS here in St. Louis).

I digress.

By "One Day at a Time", I mean that is how I have to take things...one day at a time.  Cleaning, purging, organizing, working out, eating better, relations with Big Daddy and Little Man...one day at a time.  I can't jump in with both feet, or I will burn out quick.

Today, the school district was closed for the New Year holiday.  Big Daddy and I didn't have to work, and Little Man didn't have school.  We really took a leisurely approach to the day.  Big Daddy even woke up later than I did!!!  We had a nice lunch (brunch, since we didn't have breakfast?!?!?) out, where I had soup and salad (and dessert...all things in moderation).  We picked up a few things at Target...new crayons, markers and glue for Little Man for back to school, and a new toaster.  Whoo-hoo.  I can't believe that I get excited over a toaster.  Our old one just kind of gave out.  I learned this yesterday, when trying to prepare frozen waffles for Little Man and his cousins.

I threw dinner in the crock-pot.  I found this recipe via Pinterest.  I have made it with chicken, as the recipe calls for...but tonight I made it with stew meat, to make kind of a stroganoff (???).  We love it.  Little Man ate two bowls!!!

The photo is from the site, http://forkinit.blogspot.com/.  I can't wait to try more of the recipes.  I am not sure how Weight Watchers-friendly these recipes might be, but I am willing to tweak them to fit the plan.

I am slowly working through my room.  I took an hour and a half (an hour and a half!!!) to completely clear out my side of the bed (I had five books stashed away) and my vanity.  I could not believe all of the dog hair that I cleaned up...I thought my dogs didn't really shed.  I was wrong.  I cleared my vanity of most of the knickknacks, found spots for all of my makeups, nail polishes, lotions and potions.  I actually can see the glass top of the vanity!!!  I can't believe all of the time it took, but I am pleased with the end result.  I am finding that I can live (function) with less.  What a liberating feeling!!!  Yes, it took me a long time to do this...and I still have a way to go, but you know what???  I am completely okay with that.  I am pleased with the (albeit small) progress I have made.

I kept a couple photos from our wedding (will be adding a couple of pics of Little Man), my reading lamp, remotes to the TV and the fan, some costume jewelry that I wear occasionally (all corralled in a pretty holder), the lotion and spray that I use obsessively (current scent of the season, Bath and Body Works Vanilla Bean Noel) and the book that Little Man and I are working on (currently "Diary of a Wimpy Kid").  Oh, and if you look closely, there is a small figurine of Tinker Bell and one of Cinderella.  They had been hiding in boxes in my room, so I figure I'd bring them out of hiding.  Living in a house full of boys (all two of them), I should be allowed something girly.

Back to routine tomorrow.  I need to head to bed so I can get up early to head to the gym (go me!!!).  Let's hope that happens.  Showers have been taken, teeth have been brushed, dogs have been let out, dishwasher has been run.  Little Man is watching WWE Wrestling with Big Daddy (rare Monday night treat, since Big Daddy usually works evenings)...Mama is ready for bed.  Excited to see what tomorrow brings!!!


Love to All.

...First Day of the New Year...

...a pretty uneventful 24 hours in our household...2012 was rung in with family.  Big Daddy, Little Man and I, my nephews A.J. and Nolan and my parents.  There was too much food, a little bit of Wii and a whole lot of fun!!!  I managed to snap some pictures of the Wii playing, as it was Grandma Nana's first time playing.  I have to find my camera...it is around here somewhere, just not where I left it...the case is there, empty.  I suspect Little Man is behind this, and it will be a lot of fun to see what pics he managed to snap!!!

A.J. was a bit apprehensive for his parents to leave around 7pm.  "Mama, stay with me", and he wouldn't let my sister put him down.  He has stayed overnight with us many, many times...lately, the separation anxiety is getting the best of him, I think.  A month or so ago, my sister and brother-in-law had a wedding to attend.  My parents had the boys for the day, and came by to drop them off that evening...A.J. would have nothing of it.  Mom and Daddy ended up taking them to their house for the night.  When they aren't at home, they are at my parents house...so it is natural for them to feel more comfortable there.

My parents came over, and we managed to let my sister and brother-in-law sneak out.  The boys were fine.  We played the Wii for awhile, Family Game Night 2 & 3 (a Christmas gift from Grandma Nana and Papa) and Family Game Night 4 (a gift from Santa).  I did not play the games, as I was getting the party food ready (I regret, I did not get any pics of the food...must remember to take. more. photos!!!).  What I saw seemed a lot of fun...maybe I will play head-to-head with Little Man and (gasp!) write a review.

Time really seemed to fly, and we were helping ourselves to the buffet of "party foods"...Lit'l Smokies in barbecue sauce, chips and dip, bacon cheese ball, cheese and crackers, Ro-Tel dip, Mexican Layer Dip, Black Bean Salsa, Pigs in a Blanket...nothing too good for us, but all the good stuff that we don't eat every day.  We watched some Phineas & Ferb, and set the boys up for their sleepover.  A.J. refused to put his PJs on, saying he would when he got home!!!  He thought my sister and brother-in-law were coming back right away to pick them up.  I spread the pillows and blankets out, and Little Man laid down right away.  He was out cold in about ten minutes.  A.J. fought, and fought, and fought.  He finally fell asleep around midnight, when we were all watching Dick Clark's Rockin' New Year's Eve.

Speaking of that show, Disney Parks had a "HUGE" announcement that they were making after midnight on the show.  My parents, Big Daddy and I waited...and waited.  They announced that on Leap Day, 2/29/12 the Magic Kingdom park at Walt Disney World and the Disneyland park in California would be open for 24 hours straight.

Sigh.

Don't get me wrong, I think it is a cute concept.  BUT not really exciting.  Not when you have parks open for Extra Magic Hours until 1 or 2 am.  Reading the Disney Park's Blog, they say that the parks will open at 6am local time on 2/29 and stay open for 24 hours.  Also, if you book a minimum three-night room and ticket package at select Walt Disney World or Disneyland Resort Hotels, you can get a free night.  This has to be booked by 1/31/12 and is good for travel most nights 2/26 - 3/10.  More info can be found at the Disney Park's website.  Great, but we always stay through Disney Vacation Club.  I was hoping for an announcement with a little more, I don't know...pizzaz.  I guess I was a little let-down after all of the hype leading up to the announcement.

The big draw (for me and Big Daddy, anyway) is that Disney is giving away a vacation package EVERY day from 1/1/12 through 2/29/12.  You can enter via their website, or by texting "disneyday" to DISNEY (347639).  I could totally use a vacation...and free is ALWAYS good.

Wow, I got totally off track (yes, that was all stuff that I wanted to mention in this post, but I just kinda stuck it in the middle of everything)...

Anyway, Little Man was out cold, Noley Bear fell asleep on Papa, and A.J. fell asleep around midnight...Mom and Daddy left after we got the boys settled, and Big Daddy and I were cleaning up and heading to bed.  A.J. woke up.  Right around 1 am.  He didn't say anything, just sat up quietly.  And, he didn't fall asleep.  I told Big Daddy to go on to bed, that I would stay up with A.J.  We watched whatever was on Nick Jr at the time, he didn't say much...just that he was waiting for his Mom and Dad.  I know I dozed off a couple of times, but A.J stayed awake.  He FINALLY crashed around 4:30.  4:30.  I stayed on the couch, in the event that he woke up, I didn't want him to freak out.

I wasn't really comfortable on the couch, but I managed to get a little sleep.  A little.  Noley Bear woke up crying.  At 6:30 am.  This woke A.J. up, wondering where his parents were.  I quieted Nolan down, and got both boys back to sleep (Little Man sleeping through all of this).  That lasted until 7:30 when all three boys were awake.  Oh, what fun.

We had a breakfast of frozen waffles and chocolate milk (my healthy eating-resolution is apparently on hold today) and the boys went off to play.  My sister said they would be around to pick the boys up around 9 am.  9 am came and went, I was dozing on the couch when I got a text.  My sister had taken my brother-in-law to the ER at 5 this morning with chest pains, he was clammy and dizzy...his heart arithmeia was acting up.  I don't know a whole lot about his condition, but I could not imagine how scary that was.  He is staying overnight, since there won't be any doctors to run tests until Monday.  I offered to take the boys as long as she needed, but she said he was comfortable and that she could take care of the boys.

I had a short (about two hour) nap, and the day has been filled with a Law & Order SVU marathon, finishing one book and beginning another, McDonalds for dinner (what about this healthy eating-resolution?!?!?) and some internet surfing, Facebooking, pinning, and blog-writing.

Nothing exciting, but fulfilling all the same.  The workout routine starts up on Tuesday, Little Man starts school again on Wednesday, and everything should be back to normal.  Hopefully the house stays clean (25 days!!!) and I keep things under some-sort-of-control.  I want to get back into working out, eating better...maybe rejoining Weight Watchers (but I will NOT go to meetings, another blog post for a later date), I even want to dress better...I am working on that.  I miss getting to "dress-up" like I did when I worked in banking...right now, it is t-shirts and jeans...I never thought I would complain about wearing t-shirts and jeans!!!

So much going on, but nothing TOO overwhelming.  I can't wait to start this ride...2012 should be fun!!!


Love to All.

...falling into place...

...I am not sure what is going on...but things seem to be falling into place.  Well, that is kind of a broad statement, but a lot of things seem to be going in my...in OUR favor here of late. 

Of course, it is over things that could be considered "trivial"...what is falling into place??? 

Well, for starters, my house has been clean for 23 days straight.  Well, not the whole house...but Little Man's room, the family room, the kitchen and the hall bath.  We still have to tackle our room, our bathroom, the computer/play room, and the basement.  Oh, the basement.  Big Daddy has to work on the garage, but that mess is ALL his.  It has taken awhile, but we are finally purging things out.  Big Daddy has been bringing boxes home from work...we mainly sort the Garage Sale and Donation items in these, since they are disposable.  Items that we want to keep go in Rubbermaid totes.  Items that need to be thrown out are thrown out.  I don't even ask Big Daddy (or Little Man, for that matter) about it.  It is gone.  When the weather gets nicer, we are going to have an EPIC Garage Sale!!!  My laundry is caught up, the carpet has even been vacuumed.  Dishwasher is unloaded/loaded regularly and recycling items are taken out on a regular basis (this is a HUGE issue in our kitchen).  Toothpaste blobs (oh, the toothpaste blobs!!!) are wiped up before they harden...my wish is that one day, Little Man does not squeeze half a tube of toothpaste out every time he brushes, but I will pick my battles.  Please don't go over my "clean" house with a white glove...that will come in time.  Right now, this is good enough for me.

The whole housecleaning thing may not be a big deal to everyone, but it is a big deal to me.  When we moved into this house five years ago, I was very gung-ho.  I was a regular Suzy Homemaker.  Then things spiraled.  My depression took hold of me.  My anxiety took hold.  My OCD (perfection) took hold.  How bizarre is it to think that I wouldn't do a job AT ALL if I couldn't do it right???  It was easier to sit with my thoughts, or simply fall asleep when my thoughts became too overwhelming...why set myself up for failure???  I am just glad that this is becoming routine.  I believe that FlyLady says that it takes 21 or 28 (I can't remember) days for something to become habit or routine.  I am THRILLED that I am just about there.

A lot of our purging and cleaning is because Big Daddy wants to move from this house.  I don't.  I love this house.  This is the house that Little Man knows as home.  We love the school, we love our neighbors, we love the location.  Of course, we are renting this house...still.  Big Daddy wants to get a place that is cheaper.  That will be hard to come by...it will be smaller, or an apartment, or (with our luck) won't accept pets.  If we leave this house, it will be for the big move.  To Florida.  Yes, we are still considering this, and it was kind of heightened when Big Daddy had to fly to Florida last week for his Grandmother's funeral.  Sure, he was there in less than ideal circumstances...but I know it was important for him to spend TIME with his family.  Yes, we love my family...and they do a lot for us, but lately our immediate family has proven more and more important...my immediate family will always visit Florida, so we will always see each other.  Extended family, we may not see so much if we move to the Sunshine State, but we see them so rarely here...and we are within a short drive!!!  Holidays, yes...but not much outside that.

I am much happier all around...I think I can attribute a lot of that to my change in jobs.  Yes, I left my full-time job in finance in June of 2010.  I was hired part-time with the school district in August of 2010, and went full-time August 2011.  My job is not guaranteed past June of 2012.  This may play a huge part in our decision to move to Florida.  I love my job...of course, many days it is a roller coaster ride...but I love it.  Things could fall into place, and another preschooler will need my help next year and I will be offered another full-time position.  If that doesn't happen, we have to be prepared for what may come.

Little Man is doing all right.  I say all right.  It has been awhile since I last posted, but I did touch on his anxiety.  We sought the help of a professional.  We took him to see a Psychologist at Cardinal Glennon in mid-November.  She did not talk to him, but talked to myself and Big Daddy for an hour and a half!!!  She was afraid that she could not give him the help he needed in the short time frame that we had (biggest concern: anxiety over toys and how close we were to Christmas).  We were referred to St. Louis Behavioral Disorders Institute.  Well, they couldn't get him in.  At.  All.  He has been coping all right.  Christmas was touch-and-go.  He got a couple of toys that are "triggers", but just covers his ears or eyes when he gets around them.  I am not jumping to return them (mainly because I didn't get a gift receipt) because hopefully we can work through this.  We are still looking to get him with a Psychiatrist, because the Psychologist thinks he needs to be put on an anti-depressant.  I have great reservations about this, but am willing to explore the options.  We are also facing therapy, figuring at least once a week.  I have been through this...as an adult.  I can't imagine being seven years old and needing this kind of help.

We are heading into 2012 with less debt than we headed into 2011 with.  Slowly but surely, we are chipping away at this.  This is a VERY good thing, because we are at the tail end of the Trust that Big Daddy got when his mother passed...we will have less liquid cash, but more invested for the future.  This could also be a factor in us moving down south...having a little extra saved away in the event that we don't find work right away, or take a cut in pay.

I am still looking to get back to school, but don't know how I can fit it in right now. 

This week, I took on extra hours at work.  I was scheduled to be off, since my preschool class is not in session...but I took shifts with the year-round preschool classes and elementary out-of-school program.  I am thankful for the extra hours, but had to report to work at 6:30...meaning the alarm was going off at 5!!!  This will hopefully get me back into the routine of waking up early, and HEADING TO THE GYM!!!  Of course, I will be heading back to the gym with all of the other New Years Resolution-ers, but hopefully I will stick it out for awhile.

I am taking a break from my calendar this week.  Well, I know for sure that Little Man doesn't have anything planned, but I have avoided it altogether lately.  I know next week, we will be back in the swing of things, but I really needed a break from all of the running around.  Sure, we still have Exerfun on Tuesday evenings, and will still have our Cub Scout Pack and Den meetings, but that is about it.  I cut out his two-night-a-week swim lessons.  The lessons were moved to Saturdays, but no pressure...no running out right after work, no grabbing dinner through a drive-thru on our way home.  Sure, we have to be at the lesson at 8:30 am, but that is about the extent of it.

Those are just a few of the things that seem to be working, or things that we are working on.  Life is a work in progress.  I am excited to see what the new year brings.

Love to all.